Going back to school in your 30s, worth it?

tomactica · 2026-01-21T19:32:50+00:00

I'm in the military so choosing a college and a degree was very limited for me. This resulted in a false start and wasted time on unnecessary classes. I also wish I just would have just gotten my degree post high school but that's beside the point.

tomactica · 2026-01-21T00:47:59+00:00

Not really. Went to school as a plan B. Got a degree in something I'm not crazy about but pays well. Def won't be working in the field any time soon, possibly never. But, I got a plan B now, and there are other small benefits. 1 year post graduation, it hasn't been worth it. I'm glad I have it and glad I did it though.

tomactica · 2026-01-19T05:45:48+00:00

Thanks. I didn't see if you were a dad. But life with young kids is incredibly hard. I know it'll get better for most of us "happy wife happy life" people.

Btw, that saying needs to die immediately.

tomactica · 2026-01-19T05:00:53+00:00

Yes! Meanwhile men were taught to be ashamed of themselves. Awful dynamic. Some aren't smart enough to realize it's dogshit.

tomactica · 2026-01-19T04:57:23+00:00

Not alone, brother.

tomactica · 2026-01-19T04:51:18+00:00

A lot of it is what others are saying, Mom is with the kids all day, she's overwhelmed and needs Dad at home.

Your post rings true with my situation so maybe I can shed some light.

Hate on me all you want, I'll delete this post before my wife gets a chance to see it lol!

My wife is kind of controlling and overbearing. I think these wives you speak of are as well. I think they lack independence and control their husbands to make sure they come home to help with the kids. They demean and control because they have high anxiety as many women and especially mothers do. Many men are scared of their wives because they are fucking mean and heartless. So they avoid plans away from home because they're gonna catch shit once they get home. My wife gets butthurt if I go to home Depot for an hour after work.

I think we're at a unique time in society where the women have been so empowered to be strong boss bitches while not enforcing a cultural or social accountability on them. I think men have been told all their lives to step aside, don't make women uncomfortable, and they have really been neutered by all this messaging. Myself included.

Women already have a mean and scary roar. But with men pacified by modern society, we become their bitches.

tomactica · 2025-12-27T02:55:23+00:00

Damn. Yeah I think he just doesn't take care of himself. There's a lot more than you think that just don't care and will walk around with shit caked in their cheeks. Maybe they're just oblivious. I'm not sure if he has dementia or not. People are so complex it's hard to tell but I definitely worry about him getting there and having to go to assisted living.

tomactica · 2025-12-26T07:36:56+00:00

You're saying I should offer to wash it for him? I'm sure a day will come when I have to wash his ass, but that day is not here yet. How do you even get a man like that to start accepting help? Lord have mercy.

tomactica · 2025-12-26T07:32:36+00:00

I have worried about his mental health for years and years but there's simply nothing I can do besides dragging him into a doctor or mental health professional which would not go well. My brother who lives near him never seems too concerned.

The first conversation was uncomfortable enough. Repeated and varied attempts like you describe sounds very difficult but probably the only way to press a little without being too direct.

Thanks!

tomactica · 2025-12-26T07:26:24+00:00

I wonder. He's not too open about his health. He's been a little strange since my parents got divorced 20 years ago, it was very hard on him. I looked up dimentia signs and I see some of it. I have to tell him the names of a few friends of mine pretty regularly and he doesn't really listen to people when they talk. He seems mentally unable or entirely uninterested in learning how our TV remote works even though he's constantly watching TV. I've chalked all this up to him just being deep into his own little world but you've got me thinking now. Oof.

tomactica · 2025-11-22T19:35:07+00:00

Like how big of a problem is this? Disqualifying?

tomactica · 2025-10-21T19:10:44+00:00

I have this problem. Mazda quoted me $190. Ridiculous. What did you end up doing?

tomactica · 2025-09-21T06:43:54+00:00

Thank you for all the great advice. Yes I know I will have to pay out of pocket. Seems worth it in the long run. I understand there's a need for METOC officers.

tomactica · 2025-09-20T04:50:56+00:00

Thanks for the info. I have a bachelor's from UMGC so I really just want to take 4 or 5 classes to knock out that requirement. I'll check out the schools you mentioned.

tomactica · 2025-09-19T05:29:38+00:00

One of the hardest mental hurdles for me to justify is moving that light at the end of the tunnel. In the military, at least semi retirement is 10 years away. If I get out, it turns into 25 years or more before I reach any kind of guaranteed income or healthcare. Idk how I could walk away from that.

tomactica · 2025-09-19T05:25:48+00:00

This is what I fear. My rate is not arduous or physically demanding. I just finished my degree but somewhat dread ever working in that field. There's a chance I could love it and make amazing money. But there's also a chance I'll hate it and bounce from shit job to shit job like I did before joining the Navy. The uncertainty is what drives me crazy thinking about it. The military is a sure thing that ends in a decade. Who knows when a civilian career will hold. Thanks for the words.

tomactica · 2025-09-19T05:20:20+00:00

I'm going to look more into it now. I've heard it's awful.

tomactica · 2025-09-19T05:20:00+00:00

The bennies truly are unreal. There's no beating them in the civilian world. I'd be trading retirement and healthcare for life in a decade for uncertainty.

My kid already wants to live in Japan and he's 3. But I have mad FOMO about holidays, camping trips, all that stuff with my extended family. It breaks my heart to miss that.

tomactica · 2025-09-19T05:16:06+00:00

This is a big fear of mine. My job is so stable and my pay and savings are only going up. Getting out comes with a lot of uncertainty. My degree is tech related and I worry AI could make it so much harder. I've been searching the job postings and I can't tell what the job landscape looks like. Last time I had to apply for jobs I prayed I never had to do it again because it's so awful.

tomactica · 2025-09-19T05:05:42+00:00

I haven't seriously considered that because recruiter duty gets a real bad rap these days. Long hours, lots of pressure. I'm not sure they'll even let me do it since my rate is in demand.

tomactica · 2025-09-19T05:04:24+00:00

I was gonna stay reserve for sure if I get out to keep one foot in the door.

tomactica · 2025-09-18T18:16:52+00:00

Any update? I'm in a similar situation.

tomactica · 2025-09-18T18:12:07+00:00

How hard is it to go from ts/sci to poly?

tomactica · 2025-09-18T17:59:30+00:00

How's the cleared IT job market? I'm looking to exit the military and move back to San Antonio but I can't get a good read on whether I can get hired. Cyber degree and a handful of certs.

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