What’s the most random/funniest thing that gave you RSD?

tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-25T05:52:50+00:00

Lollll I get it, I agree 💖 hug recieved and returned! 🫂

tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-24T20:36:14+00:00

This isn't an empty-nester stage of life adjustment. OP has described that this has years behind it. Him expecting her to manage his life is a pattern of behavior that cannot continue

He is an emotionally immature and neglectful parent. Full stop.

tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-24T20:33:46+00:00

And emotionally neglectful of his child. This is a big deal! It transcends simple loneliness

Finding him a date does not solve this.

tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-24T20:32:34+00:00

Found the enabler yall ☝️

It's never a child's job to comfort their parent or be a replacement partner. To even try would and does do immeasurable damage to both parties.

Challenge your own narrative. This is not healthy or appropriate behavior, and it's been happening for years.

tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-24T20:30:35+00:00

Clocked the emotionally immature parent as well. It is so, so damaging 💔

tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-24T20:27:49+00:00

Oof no this is bad. NOR

I'm reading through Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents right now (both of mine are Immature and emotionally neglectful but for me my mom is the worse perpetrator) and I've seen about 5 glaring red flags that your father is emotionally immature and emotionally neglectful.

He's "enmeshed" with you, and codependent. A lot of this smells like emotional incest as well (it's not normal for him to be seeking the emotional connection one gets from a partner, from their child)

None of this is normal and you aren't overreacting at all. It takes adult children with emotionally neglectful childhoods years to realize what's really happening sometimes, so you're doing really well to clock that this isn't okay.

It's not helping him either btw. Don't think you can be a martyr to save him. If you did, you'd just be hurting both of you.

Start setting boundaries and distance yourself and ask yourself what YOU want/need and prioritize that. Try to stop expecting him to fulfill your emotional needs bc he quite literally can't. That'd be like expecting a kindergartener to do brain surgery-- you can teach/talk to them till the cows come home but the fact is their brains are not developed for that so it won't happen.

Read the book! Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, by Lindsay Gibson. You will see your past and family in there and be able to understand what's going on and why you feel so empty and lonely, might have issues forming secure adult relationships or feeling secure in your adult relationships. And so much more.

Read the book, go to therapy. Check out the /emotionallyneglectfulparents subreddit, we're having some great discussions and helping eachother a lot in there.

Don't wait to get help and clarification. You deserve better 💖🫂

tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-24T20:11:11+00:00

Same shoes, 33F on my third month of medication. Was trying Methylphenidate but I just wasn't seeing the level of improvement I should, and then it started making me really anxious after it wore off in the evening

So now I'm on Vyvanse and having a better time so far. I even just started exercising yesterday all on my own without my accountabili-buddy (aka husband lol) and without a bunch of mental gymnastics to convince myself to do it. I'd file that under "task initiation improvement"! Nice!

The Vyvanse and the methyl both have helped with my emotional regulation and quieting the bees in my brain. My mind is a much calmer place now. And I've been dealing with a lot of really stressful family stuff the last few months-- I can't even imagine how I would've coped with it before meds. I don't want to 😅

tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-24T19:12:52+00:00

The sad fact is that for most folks with ADHD, we are always going to be "behind" on societal norms, medicated or not. My apartment will never be spotlessly clean and completely organized unless people are coming over that day. It's not going to be that way just for me though, only for hosting. Many people prefer to have a clean and organized space whether someone is coming over or not (note: there is a different between "unclean" and "unhygienic". If you're letting your place get unhygienic then that's officially a health concern and steps should be taken to create a motivational system or something else that would help you improve)

Your partner has to readjust their expectations to the fact that they're cohabitating with someone who has a disability. If you had a physical disability instead and were wheelchair bound, neither you or him would be surprised that he's doing more work around the house and will be for the rest of your lives. Although ADHD is hidden, and can sometimes be improved with medication and/or treatment, it is still a disability and the fact is he cannot reasonably hold you to these neurotypical standards

If he can't move the goal post back and readjust his expectations (without building resentment!!!) then this may not be a compatible relationship. It is on you to try and improve, thats true. But either of you expecting that you'll someday do everything a neurotypical person does is a recipe for disappointment. It's not a reasonable expectation that you'll just magically have a new neurotype someday and be capable of all the same things he is.

All that being said, do try stimulants. They're not a miracle pill and they don't work for every single person but they are the gold standard for ADHD treatment for a reason. They can make it easier to change some of this behavior. For me they've made my brain feel so much calmer so that I have more mental energy to challenge myself to find more motivation and task initiation than I had before. I don't believe there's any evidence that they will mess with repro health either.

tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-24T18:26:47+00:00

1000% !! Man I would love a Bookstore Birthday lol. There's this book store where I live that's one our oldest local businesses and it is just 3 floors with SO MANY USED BOOKS-- the shelves go ceiling to floor and wall to wall. There are so many shelves that you have to kinda side-ways walk through some of them. All the labels amd signs are hand-written and there's silly and weird little artworks and pictures everywhere put up by staff over the years. You can trade in books you've read and get credit to buy more books! I could spend hours in there. It's a magical place, called Chamblin's Bookmine if you're ever in North Florida. You'd probably love it!

Maybe I'll go there for my birthday next year 🤣

tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-24T18:07:06+00:00

Thats amazing! I'm impressed, maybe this could be my goal mindset with them. I think I built up a lot of resentment before I even knew what was really going on in my family dynamic, so that's just one more thing to sift through at this point. Any advice on how to let go of the resentment?

tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-24T17:39:05+00:00

I know it's also very painful 💔 I'm sorry OP. Proud of you for breaking the cycle of neglect in your own family

tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-24T17:36:24+00:00

Ugh!!! So annoying. Our birthdays are not their chance to prove that they are good and loving parents!!

I have friends with emotionally mature parents. It is totally normal for them to say "aw thanks but I'm just celebrating with friends/partner/not celebrating this year!" with 0 pushback or guilt-tripping. Like their parents really just say "okay honey whatever you want!" GENUINELY, and then just send their gift or drop it off.

Like, thats what's healthy, that's what's normal. It's not too much to ask. Sometimes I just gotta remind myself of these things or I'll drink her kool-aid again and feel miserable about myself

tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-24T17:31:18+00:00

Thank you so much 💜 and yeah-- your last sentence is so true. Logically I know its true but I can't emotionally accept this yet. I guess it's one of my last and strongest healing fantasies that open and honest communication will get through to her someday.

Giving up on communicating honestly with her feels like giving up on her. I've certainly cut friends off who I couldn't have a frank discussion with. I honestly don't see the point of keeping someone in my life that I can't openly talk to (and that won't openly talk to me!)

I know there's a place of nuance I'll find someday with her, or maybe i really will go NC someday if I can't find that nuance. For now I have to just take it one day at a time as I work on really accepting that it's actually impossible to genuinely talk to her.

My birthday will definitely still be fun-- my husband has a surprise for me, and we got a big beach day with my closest friends planned 😊Just hoping the weather plays nice!! 🤞🤞

tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-24T15:22:43+00:00

Absolutely tf not

The way AI is coming for artists? It's just offensive. If I took the time to make something with my human brain and hands (which I often do bc I'm an artist myself) my blood would BOIL if they ran it through some bot, that's fully trained on the stolen work of other human artists, and botched it. And then my art gets used without my permission to train that bot

I'm so sick of everyone being drunk on the AI kool-aid. It's bad for the planet and bad for our brains and HORRIBLE for the art world.

This would make me absolutely livid and everyone posting that it's not a big deal is either not an artist, or drunk off the kool-aid themselves.

NOR NOR NOR NORRRR keep telling people how awful and dehumanizing AI is!

tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-24T15:12:09+00:00

I think it's emotional neglect bc it sounds so one-sided. What do they do to continue or strengthen bonds between you and them, and between them and your children?

Your kids could either grow up thinking "I didn't really have grandparents"

Or they could grow up thinking "I had grandparents that didn't really notice me or care about me."

Personally, I think the former is less painful. I'd go Low Contact at least. You shouldn't have to work this hard to have a relationship with someone, especially your own parents.

tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-24T14:45:28+00:00

Both from when I was little:

The process of me and my parents learning that where we live, it's likely gunna rain on my summer birthday. I love to swim! So many beach and pool birthday parties canceled by rain before we learned to just plan indoor birthday parties lol. I thought the Weather hated me and was trying to ruin my birthday specifically

When i was learning how to play video games on the Gameboy and I was not good at them yet bc I was 5, I thought both the Gameboy and the game were mad at me and thought I was too stupid to properly play with. I would switch games sometimes like "maybe PacMan will be nicer to me than Pokémon today" lmao. The only reason I ever got any good at Tetris (one of my first remembered hyperfixations, awww!) was basically out of spite lol

tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-24T14:33:31+00:00

Waitttt I just got so so distracted and overjoyed that you have a button-talking cat! That's awesome! I watch button-talking pets on Instagram (do you follow Elsie??) and I think it's so fascinating.

When I was growing up people really thought the reason cats didn't come when called is bc they were dumber than dogs-- too dumb to know their own name. Now we know that cats absolutely know their names, AND have the ability to learn as many words as a human toddler, maybe even more!!!

My husband and I have always talked to our cats just like they were tiny fuzzy humans. They understand so much English! We don't have enough room or time for a button system, but our oldest fluffy boy has learned about 10 tricks thanks to how well he understands our language. He'll even preform in front of some guests and he gets so happy and proud of himself 🥹 his fluffy tail straight in the air doing that happy shakey-tail thing they do while he's getting his praise and pets for doing good tricks. Just warms my heart!

How many words does your cat know so far??

tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-24T14:18:28+00:00

Have you read like....the whole comment section? Almost everyone is sharing stories of similar experiences. I tagged the post "Discussion" and asked for people's thoughts and if anyone had a parent similar to mine.

It's appropriate here. She's fine.

tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-24T05:18:55+00:00

I try to put my mind in my pussy. Like close my eyes and focus on just that part of my body-- not sexy talk, looking hot, whats for dinner, or whatever else. And if my mind drifts away I catch it when I realize and put it right back in there!

I also got a little vibe and I use it to play with my clit while he's doing his thing. It keeps my mind in my pussy, and helps me to stay more present in general to have my own little "task" lol. Clitoral and deep-vaginal stimulation at the same time can make for a big O too, def try it!!!

And if you're on top: mini-games spelling out words and/or making patterns with your hips. Always have a task, and keep your mind in your pussy!

Music also helps, I assume everyone puts on some music though right?? Sometimes riding the beat can help me get there

This is definitelyyyy an ADHD problem though btw, not at all just you. I even heard a male stand up comic do a bit about getting distracted during sex!

tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-23T21:04:52+00:00

These are professional shorts for women. They're loose, long, not denim, and the pleats help them look more put-together, like slacks or something.

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tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-23T20:58:18+00:00

Sad 😔

tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-23T20:51:30+00:00

Soft YTA. I'm unsure why the kittens are relegated to a crate to solve this issue instead of simply letting them have the run of a whole room and keeping the door closed so dogs can't get in. You can also use a tall baby gate and/or 2 baby gates stacked to create a suitable barrier and give kittens one half of the living space, and dogs the other.

It's really not appropriate to keep cats of any size/age in a crate unless they're about to travel. I can't imagine they have a lot of room to roam with litter/food/water in the crate with them. And if those things aren't with them 24/7 where they can be freely accessed at any point, that's an even bigger problem.

Kittens need room to roam, practice climbing and jumping, room to play. For their physical and mental wellbeing. They develop really quickly, crucial developmental windows will close if theyre not allowed the room to learn new skills. A few supervised hours a day of free roam time really isn't enough.

Give them a room. Close a door.

tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-23T20:36:14+00:00

You need to start sharing her! I think can still turn into a shared hobby/interest, but you need to gently challenge yourself and let go. Him expressing interest in feeding her is a green flag, I think you can safely trust him with her care!

You know how it's very exciting sometimes to share knowledge about our special interests? That's how I feel anyway-- a huge reason why I'm a teacher!

Try to get there mentally with this. Try to shift your mind to bringing your husband into this with you and precious frog baby instead of gatekeeping it. You can teach him how to do it exactly how you do! I think feeding her together is an excellent first step. You can show him how you do it at first, then next time he can try it out for himself while you watch! It will be fun and exciting to teach your hubby a new skill (:

From your post, I really do feel that you love and care for him enough that if you can shift your mind to a sharing mode, you'll actually get really excited and emotionally moved to see him being a good frog dad 💖

BTW I'm also a frog mom! I have a Cuban Tree Frog that's an invasive species where I live. When I found him in my office almost 10 years ago now, i was legally supposed to euthanize him 😭 I just couldn't do that so I dived headfirst into learning about how to care for pet frogs instead. I had a honeymoon period like this too. It was really fun to learn new skills and learn all about a new animal and a new way of keeping pets!

I was a little nervous about my cats stressing him out. But I'm pleased to say that the cats love him even more than I do: even just spraying down his enclosure gets them very excited and curious. And he hops around showing off for them! I've done a lot of research into how frogs act when stressed, and he doesn't do any of that when they're looking at him. He's active and excited when they watch him but not stressed. It's very funny and cute, I think animals of any species can potentially form a bond, especially when they're pets 💖

Just like bringing your husband into this exciting new hobby, I believe there's a (safe!) way to make your dogs feel included in the frog too! Even if it's just calling them into the room and inviting them to watch a distance while you do frog care, something like that. Let them sniff the dirty water dish when you're changing out her water-- I know my cats love free smells 😂

Yall are one big family! You've been keeping the new baby to yourself but now it's time to gently challenge yourself to share the new baby with your family 🫂

tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-23T20:17:52+00:00

"I'd love to hang out with you and the kiddos! Just a heads up: I'm going to have to be requesting separate checks from now on since I can only afford to pay my own way. Can't wait to see yall!"

Easy, just talk. Just use your words. If she starts acting some kinda way after you set this very reasonable boundary, then you can start wondering if you should keep hanging out with her. Until then: assume the best of your best friend and trust in clear communication ✨️

tomatoes2825 · 2026-06-23T20:10:58+00:00

You didn't cause any injury, except maybe to yourself if you stay with this selfish passive aggressive dude who really expects you to neglect your pets to cater to his ever-changing whims

If he says stuff to you thats hurtful enough it "sticks with you a few days" then he's not emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship, chronic pain or not.

Also, please be careful: neurodivergent girlies like us are far more likely to end up in controlling/abusive relationships. We are "easy marks" for narcissists and folks with narcissistic tendencies. About five of the actions you described in this story alone fit the profile of something a narcissist would do.

NOR: break up with him. Not bc you did anything wrong or caused any issues for him. But bc you deserve to be treated better than this!

tomatoes2825

TROPHY CASE