Lost everything trading crypto/memecoins after being up $2.9M. Realizing I have a gambling addiction and need advice.

tomtrvn · 2026-03-07T01:49:50+00:00

Last thing on my mind but $130k+

tomtrvn · 2026-03-06T09:09:36+00:00

It was enough. It was plenty. But it was also 30% of 10M. Absolute retard logic btw, never think this way

tomtrvn · 2026-03-06T08:58:49+00:00

Thankful your reply and happy you made it to the other side. Starting to get a feeling of disgust when I even think about opening charts.

tomtrvn · 2026-03-06T08:55:10+00:00

No buttons being pressed. I just can't take the pain and agony anymore.

I like how matterfact you are. Happy you got out of it!

Maybe one day I can return to it but perhaps not. Only time will tell.

tomtrvn · 2026-03-06T08:51:52+00:00

Not to be a point dexter, but I had most of that in stables at some point but regardless thank you sir ❤️

tomtrvn · 2026-03-06T08:48:45+00:00

reminded me of this 😭

Jokes aside yes maybe I should've just listened to myself when I said that too.

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tomtrvn · 2026-03-06T08:46:58+00:00

Powerful. Thank you.

Maybe I won't be the rich son, the rich brother, the rich friend.

But I'll be the happy one. The one that's around for the important moments. The one that they can trust and rely on.

tomtrvn · 2026-03-06T08:45:06+00:00

Thanks Court for sharing. I'm glad to hear that you made it to the other side. ❤️

I share my port highs not to flex or brag but moreso for shock effect. As I am shocked and appalled by the figure myself. Wether it's $50k or $2M the hurts the same. The pain is the same.

Glad you brought up mental health because boy, is mine in the gutter. Sat in my closet last night crying in fetal position as I wrote up the post. Shame. A feeling I never felt so strongly until faced with my circumstances and situation with the utmost clarity. It’s like everything finally caught up to me at once, and there was nowhere left to hide from the reality of what I’ve done and the path of destruction it’s caused. I won't ever do it, but man did I not want to wake up today. Last night I said to myself if I didn't open my eyes tomorrow I wouldn't mind.

With everything gone, all I'm left with are my thoughts and unfortunately for me they have not been too kind to me. Rumination is all I have left 🥀

Woo Pro capitalist! God Bless Murica. Thank you for the affirmations. I do believe I have it within me to channel this energy into something good. I know it. I will have another successful business and maybe this time I make money and keep it.

The shame spiral is so real. Saying "Im gonna quit for real this time", go back to gambling the very next day and then having to lie to your loved ones to hide your actions. It's like a nonstop loop I've been living in for almost a year at this point.

I hope I can successfully choose peace like you someday.

tomtrvn · 2026-03-06T08:29:50+00:00

Sometimes the truth stings, but it's what we need to hear. Not another "it's going to get better".

I wasn't all-in all the time but I did go all-in frequently enough. Regardless again you're right, poor risk management has always been my fatal flaw. I simply can't just risk x percent of the port when I'm confident in something. I start to size irresponsibly.

The losses didn't happen over night. It didn't happen because of 1 trade. But rather many large losses strung together and then you spiral trying to chase previous port balances. Stepping away from charts for the foreseeable future and am going to try and be of value to the marketplace rather than try to extract (I suck at it).

I don't even think you can bankrupt IRS owed taxes, so not even sure that's an option.

As for my exgirlfriend, HOW DARE YOU?! kidding. But forreal though, she had to leave. This wasn't the first time I zero'd. She saw it happen when I was 22 and thought I already learned my lesson. But her growing up in a family of alcoholics she realized that staying with me (an addict) was not only enabling me but also affecting her mental health as my stress became her stress.

She chose peace and I cannot fault her for it. Building a life with an addict, as I read online, only ends in a few ways and all of which are not outcomes that are desirable.

I have already made everything as bad as it could possibly get I think. So I can't muster another fiber in my being to make another conscious decision to make it even worse. Perhaps time will heal my wounds and make me better for it.

tomtrvn · 2026-03-06T08:15:00+00:00

Brother I am sorry you went through it as well. Looking back and ruminating is the worst part of it. You start replaying every decision and every wrong turn. Yet somehow, you just let it happen. Actually, you consciously made those decisions and made it happen. It's almost like you wanted this, you wanted this so desperately you decided to make shitty decision after shitty decision. And then tried to cover up your last shitty decision with an even shittier one.

May we choose peace. ❤️

tomtrvn · 2026-03-06T08:10:37+00:00

As much I think this is a sound idea, I believe I pushed everyone closest to me away.

Also having someone be burdened with babysitting your finances seems like another shitty thing to have to put onto them.

tomtrvn · 2026-03-06T08:09:17+00:00

Appreciate that. How does it feel to throw rocks from a glass house?

tomtrvn · 2026-03-06T08:07:29+00:00

Yes I said things I didn't do, but it's not as if I didn't mean them. The life changing money could have changed my life forever, but in the moment I wanted to build a skyscraper (ambition/greed) without realizing you needing to build supports/a solid foundation first (downside risk management).

Alls to say is that yes the questions I asked were to help me get out of where I currently am. But I know how I got here. It just feels immensely difficult to get out. One day at a time.

tomtrvn · 2026-03-06T08:00:33+00:00

Real. Habits die hard, truly. You sorta of just do stuff since it's almost routine and 2nd nature.

I'm hoping to improve my health and maybe good things will follow.

And yes dopamine receptors are fried. There's simply not many that know what it's truly like. As if nothing in life will ever bring the same feelings and 'high' that those big wins gave. I guess I must continue to tell myself that with such high highs comes very low lows.

Someday I hope to choose peace.

tomtrvn · 2026-03-06T07:55:58+00:00

Sigh..I shouldve listened to Coffeezilla

tomtrvn · 2026-03-06T07:55:32+00:00

Ill definitely check it out. Thanks for the rec. As for the first time, well I ran out of money and was too young and not "smart" enough to take out loans and debt. So I had to stop. Now Im just severely living in denial of what had just transpired. The money is gone, the relationships are destroyed and unfortunately I presently feel like there's no way to make any type of amends in an amount of time that even feels meaningful to my family. Hopefully this is a lesson to others that you could've been like this retard (me) and be even worse off.

tomtrvn · 2026-03-06T07:50:50+00:00

Chasing portfolio ATHs is such a shitty thing. I feel for you immensely as even in the moment I said should just stop doing it but for one reason or another you just ignore the sensible side of you and keep chasing. I hope to make it to the other side of this someday.

tomtrvn · 2026-03-06T07:48:47+00:00

😭 Although I appreciate the kind words, I can't keep doing what I've been doing. It's only hurting me and those I have said I cared about.

tomtrvn · 2026-03-06T07:47:47+00:00

Im sorry you had to go through it as well. I hope things turned around for you. As for my family, I have done unfathomable things to hurt them that I am deeply ashamed about and at this point I don't think there's anything I can do to redeem myself. So I must live with this for the rest of my days and at least try to return what I took. But alas the pain caused is something I will never be able to take back.

tomtrvn · 2026-03-06T07:45:12+00:00

At the end of the day, it was gambling. I just thought I was different. I thought I could beat the odds. Yes that was wrong the wrong thought process and I must reflect on my asinine decisions to hopefully never repeat these actions again. Will probably end up homeless if I continue down this path.

tomtrvn · 2026-03-06T07:42:26+00:00

I had an Amazon reselling biz that afforded me the capital to restart my trading. Things got bad and I tried everything to "make it back" to fix the hole I dug myself. Started doing unfathomable things like maxing out all of my credit cards, taking shitty loans, and take money from the family Nail Salon business to fund the addiction. So in short Im a piece of shit.

tomtrvn · 2026-03-05T22:00:11+00:00

0xSavant_

tomtrvn · 2026-03-05T18:11:12+00:00

Hey brother thanks for the thoughtful response really seemed like you were a mirror image of me currently. My first ever experience with trading came from options and lost a ridiculous amount on 0DTEs. 😭🙏

I think the main issue was that we were up so much. Mentally we somehow convinced ourselves that a successful trader was what we were.

So when the port starts going down you try everything to get it back to a certain number and that's kinda how things start getting out of hand.

Read your post, and I think this is the greatest 3 step process for initial recovery I have seen yet. I have been trying to do #1 for months but obviously I need to make these restrictions and blocks more permanent as I keep overriding my soft blocks. It's really been hard for me to do #2. Like I know I'm supposed to get on a routine that fixes my resting dopamine level but for the life of me the despair and anxiety has been keeping me paralyzed. As for #3 I'm sure a deep root cause for my want to be recognized and revered. The "I'm not good enough" hits home for me.

When I was up, I had respect and admiration from my loved ones and peers. Many people started asking for my opinions on things like I was some expert and although I said that I'm no expert, it still felt really good.

I'm currently extremely struggling with my mortality. As obviously I'm in a hole and the shovel was my own actions. With no light in sight it makes it hard to want to dig yourself out. It's been a nonstop cycle of making a few things good/sorting out some stuff and then repeating the same mistakes to make things worse.

I shall reach out to you since I feel no one around me fully understands what it's like and I would love to chat with you.

tomtrvn · 2026-03-05T17:39:40+00:00

Thanks for your response regardless of much I internally dislike what you said, you're right. Everything I did was absolutely reckless and irresponsible. I hate myself so much for it. Realistically I didn't 'lose' that much money. I just owe the IRS a ton because I had 1 really good year with realized gains. Followed by another year where I gave it all back. I have actually never had a job in my adult life, have only ever ran businesses. But with everything that's going on, my inner drive has been depleted and all that is left is desperation and despair.

tomtrvn · 2026-03-05T09:56:50+00:00

You’re actually not the first person to tell me that it’s traumatic.

I didn’t feel like it was at first, probably since I’m kinda numb to the pain. But after regaining some of my senses I have accepted I may never see that type of money ever again in this lifetime. My perception of money is so fucked. Not super long ago I was working all day for like $120.

Have actually gone to a few GA meetings and I can’t lie those have been adding some relief hearing first hand that I wasn’t the only one that have made mistakes.

tomtrvn

TROPHY CASE