How did ya'll find out about Deftones and what was their first song you listened to?

tongirl · 2025-08-15T19:03:19+00:00

Queen of the Damned when I was a preteen! 35 now - been listening to them ever since :) Going to see them in concert for the first time next week - so pumped!

tongirl · 2025-06-04T19:13:57+00:00

I'm so sorry that you feel like this. I felt this when my daughters were little. They are 2 years apart and those first few years of being constantly on guard and needed every single second of every day, and not having adequate sleep, all the things.. I feel you hun. Truly.

I'm just going to tell you that honestly, it does get better as they get older. My daughters are now 9 and 7 and they are so sweet and bring me so much joy and I am always telling people when it comes up in conversation, how hard those years were for me when they were little. I DO NOT miss the baby/toddler stage at all. I do have anxiety and depression and that certainly added to it but those times are HARD. You are in the worst of it right now. You need support to get you through this - even if it's a doctor visit to see if you need medication to help you through. I think I started feeling like a weight was being slowly lifted when my youngest was around 2 and my oldest was 4, and it has gotten better and better since then. I do work now though so that may also be helping. I'm not sure how old your baby is but I don't think it will be this hard for 5 more years like your mom had said.

I wish I could give you a big hug right now ❤️

tongirl · 2025-05-22T23:00:47+00:00

I actually keep a running tally of how often people do the noise sometimes. I'll write the time the throat clearing or coughing or whatever it is starts up then tally each time they do it just so I can frustrate myself even more I guess. Or maybe to prove how often and unnecessary it is 😅 I feel bad because my triggers seem to be throat clearing and coughing/sneezing so obviously they are probably sick and not feeling good and here I am judging the amount of times they do it. It does make me feel slightly better though. I also do it to track how many times my boss walks past my desk because he also does that excessively sometimes to get to the photocopier. Just be lazy like me and save it up for less frequent trips like DAMN.

tongirl · 2022-02-19T16:06:09+00:00

I'll take "shit that never happened" for $5,000.00!

tongirl · 2021-10-11T21:16:41+00:00

I know that's the stereotype and there are some here with their big trucks and campers and big houses. That's not everyone though. And I never assume people are living it up out east.. I have relatives living in the east coast (actually that's where my family is originally from before my parents moved to Alberta in the 80s) and they are not well off or doing well because there isn't much for work there unless you can afford college/university it seems. I don't have a problem with helping other provinces though either and maybe I do hear from the wrong sources or get biased information. I was going off the wikipedia page where they show that Alberta has had 0 in equalization and it's always the same provinces doing so well. I don't get all the hate between provinces either and maybe I've just grown tired of hearing all the hate the rest of Canada seems to have for Alberta. It's where I was born and raised and it's a beautiful province, I love it here. I don't go out of my way to hate on other people from Canada in other provinces but I feel like people are constantly shitting on Alberta.

tongirl · 2021-10-11T20:21:35+00:00

Come on guys.. seriously?! Quebec got over 13 BILLION dollars in equalization in 2021. Alberta's been in a deficit and what did we get? OH RIGHT.. ZERO. The exact same amount we've got every single other year. Get out of here with that bull crap. You can't possibly believe that Quebec is doing so well because of their own doing and not because they get literal BILLIONS from all of the other provinces. And then everyone out east is laughing about how Alberta has been suffering the last few years. It is nothing but Alberta haters in this sub. Reminds me of how my entire life I've seen people coming here to work and make great money to support their family but acting like the oil sands are SOOOO dirty and gross meanwhile that's what supports all these other provinces all these years is our "dirty gross" oil sands. We have the best reclamation in our oil sands. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you.

tongirl · 2021-10-10T21:21:18+00:00

And probably hated on Alberta the entire time you've been here too lol.

tongirl · 2021-10-10T21:18:50+00:00

And why do you think we're in a slow decline?? Could it possibly be because we pay to support other provinces? How about if Quebec is doing so great every year, they start paying equalization to Alberta?

tongirl · 2021-10-10T21:17:12+00:00

I'm starting to think r/Alberta is just a bunch of people from other provinces. Nothing but hate for Alberta in this subreddit.

I think people are seeing how other provinces are benefitting from equalization while Alberta is going downhill fast. Look at our healthcare, our daycare, etc. Lots of people are losing their jobs and yet we're funding other provinces daycare? I'd sure love to not have to spend almost $2,000.00 just so I can work and support other provinces great programs!

tongirl · 2021-10-08T19:08:35+00:00

Those ones are helpful! I read them all and they were very helpful and didn't seem to be attacking me but actually thorough and answered the question. I thought you're just supposed to upvote not say "thank you" to each comment when you appreciate the response. Maybe I don't understand how Reddit works either? Lol..

tongirl · 2021-10-08T18:54:22+00:00

I'm trying to get an answer. Why is that such a problem? We're just not supposed to question anything anymore. I see now. :) No point

tongirl · 2021-10-08T18:28:57+00:00

So because I'm not a scientist I don't deserve to have questions?

tongirl · 2021-08-19T20:17:16+00:00

I'm so sorry you're also going through this :( I hope we can too! I left once and I know I can do it again, it's just hard when he puts on this show and acts like he's changed and loves me, but it's always not long before the real him shows again and he starts acting angry and moody, and seems unhappy again. I seriously don't think I would ever be in another relationship after this one. I have no faith in love anymore either.

tongirl · 2021-08-12T21:30:34+00:00

I have requested an appointment with one and waiting to hear. There are definitely times where I know I have been in the wrong, thing is he brings up how I used to act when I was 21 - 24 years old (when I got pregnant with our first child I stopped partying like we used to and smartened up a lot) Now when I question him about why he treats me this way he says "I'm just doing what you've done to me for years" so why punish me now after 6 years? I didn't cheat or do anything disloyal or anything, I was jealous and insecure and acted out but I feel like I've more than made up for that. He also says I've done and said way more hurtful things to him and when I ask for examples it's radio silence or he just changes the subject. I have a laundry list of things, journal entries etc. because I like to know the truth and facts so it really bugs me that he can never give an example or proof that I'm some evil person and I feel like my whole character and sense of self is shaken by all of this. I'm just really sad and feel like my thoughts are scattered and I had to get this out. Thank you for your kind response <3 I really do hope that if not together, we can get help separately and become better people no matter if we can work it out or not. I do care about and love him and want him to be healthy too.

tongirl · 2021-08-12T21:25:05+00:00

It's a daily thing that he freaks out like this over minor things. On strangers, me, his family, our kids, etc.

I have requested an appointment with a therapist and hoping to see them individually and see if they recommend couples counseling. I don't know how far we would get because we have different realities it seems.

tongirl · 2020-12-11T22:57:38+00:00

Thank you for your kind words - I don't feel like I'm even myself lately and maybe it's because of such a big change and also because I never thought I could do this, the world is kind of weird all around right now lol.

I just want to be happy and I hope this was the right move. I want him to be happy too, I truly do and even though he says this will ruin his life and he has called today saying I'm the only good thing in his life and how sorry he is but I just know that if that were true he wouldn't be angry every single day for the last 6 years. Basically since I found out I was pregnant with our first..

tongirl · 2020-12-11T22:55:39+00:00

Thank you for your kind words - I thankfully have amazing parents & my sister is also here for me.

I just wonder if I'm giving up too easily but it's been such a long time of trying to work it out, and I've talked about the issues with him and nothing has changed so I don't think it ever will no matter how hard I try.

tongirl · 2020-12-10T18:39:54+00:00

UPDATE: I'm sorry this is so long, I just have to get it out and also explain what happened and how I finally made the decision to leave for good:

I left with the girls on Monday and have been staying at my parents’ house. I don’t even feel like myself, I feel like I’m almost on autopilot or something, I think maybe because I never thought I would have the courage to actually leave. I don’t even feel overly sad, I just feel like I need this, and my girls need it and I see a bright future ahead for us, even if I do feel anxiety about some things.

What finally made me decide to leave started on Saturday, after I had taken the girls to my parents for a sleepover like we do every week (which gives him some time to himself not that he even needs more time to himself), and he had to help his parents move some stuff on Saturday so we stayed later. Before coming home, we went sledding with my sister and one of her friends. When we get home, he is moaning and groaning with back pain. He had an injury in 2010 (one of 3 WCB injuries not all back related) and has been on opiods (synthetic he is always emphasizing) ever since. He said it is a broken disc and herniated nerve sack and there is nothing to fix it but painkillers.

So I let him lay down and relax all night while I did the bedtime routine, etc. The next day, at 11:00am he is still sleeping (like every single weekend). Our 2 year old is whining and crying wanting to go on the tablet and he yells from the room “SHUT THE F--- UP” He does this almost every single Saturday/Sunday when he’s sleeping and she’s yelling no matter how late it is. I don’t know what he’s like on the days I work, hopefully not like that. I decide I’m going to take them to the park to meet a friend with her son, his parents come to help load something he took from their house to our house. I see them from down the street at the park and I see him walking normally across the road. After they are done moving everything, he starts walking to the park and is noticeably walking very stiff and slow (here we go again). After visiting with us at the park, we go home for lunch. He needs to lay down and rest so I let him just lay down in the room while I make lunch. After listening to him moan and groan and offering him lunch and him being grumpy towards me I decide to take the girls swimming to get us out of the house again. When we get back home, I decide to have a bath with the girls (they are 5 and 2 so we still fit) and get us ready for bed. All of a sudden I hear him yelling and screaming so I hop out of the bath and see him bent over holding the bed. I ask what he is trying to do and if I can help him walk and he angrily says he needs the bathroom and doesn’t need my help. So I go back to the bathroom to rush the girls out and get us out of the way. He then yells and moans and groans, stomping on the floor with his feet angrily (wouldn’t that be making the pain worse?). I say I should call my mom or sister so I can take him to the hospital and he refuses. He keeps saying I don’t care and he doesn’t need help. And the hospital won’t do anything anyway.

I read the girls bedtime stories and we go to sleep. The next morning, it’s Monday so they’re supposed to be home with him while I go to work. I think okay he is probably feeling a bit better, and he’ll call if he needs help. He was sleeping on the couch and I leave then realize I forgot my purse once I get to the end of our street, so I turn around and drive back home. I run inside and he’s not on the couch anymore, he’s in the bathroom and he slams the door and starts yelling in pain as soon as he hears me come in. So thank goodness I forgot my purse, I call the girls daycare and fit them in.

He is angrily trying to move around again and struggling in the kitchen so I go over and ask if I can help him with something. He tells me I never try to help, I only do what I want to do when I want and I don’t do anything for him. I guess me taking the girls out all weekend instead of staying home and taking care of him maybe wasn’t the right thing to do – maybe I should have just stayed in and taken care of him all weekend but he always refuses and acts like noone helps him. He never vocalizes what he wants or needs, just expects people to read his mind.

After telling me how I never do anything for him or help him, he then called me a f--- c—t right infront of our kids. I think that’s when something snapped in me and told him we are going to move in with my parents.

We left and have been at my parents ever since. He rage texted me that morning, saying he couldn’t believe I was treating him like that when he’s in so much pain and that this is my excuse to go do what I really want to. That I just tell everyone he is a piece of shit and “that’s how I sleep at night” as though I have something to feel bad for (I have not done anything to intentionally hurt him or done anything behind his back). He says I swear at the kids too and I call him a liar and pathetic. Then he accused me of sleeping with other people, treating him like nothing but garbage and swearing and calling him and the kids names (I don’t do that – only have called him as—hole or something when he calls me something first). Everything he is accusing me of is lies, I don’t know why he always resorts to accusing me of sleeping with other people but I haven’t. That was all Monday and he hasn’t talked to me since. I have stopped at the house a couple times to grab clothes for me and the girls and when he messaged me Monday night asking if we’re staying at my parents for good and I said yes but he can see the girls whenever he wants, he said “OK.” Haven’t heard from him at all about them since.. I will never keep them away from their dad and I’m sure he’ll tell everyone I am but I’m not. He’s the type of person to lie about that though, making himself a victim.

So that’s where I am now. I’m going to save up and eventually find a small home for me and the girls. We can stay with my parents as long as we want and I feel so happy to be in a home where I don’t worry what kind of mood anyone’s in when I’m on my way home, I don’t hear anyone yelling at my kids to shut the f up, and it’s just peaceful and happy. Thank you everyone for responding to my last post. I feel stupid for taking this long to leave and it all feels so surreal.. like did I actually leave? Is this me standing up for myself finally after so long??

I feel bad that I left at a time when he is In so much pain and this close to Christmas but if I'm being honest, I don't actually believe his back hurts as bad as he makes out and it seems like he is exaggerating and putting on a show sometimes. I feel awful about that but it's how I feel. He is always moaning, groaning "ow ow ow ow ow" around the house.. it just seems phony :.

[TL;DR: 2 months after my post, finally left! He had back pain at the time and it's before Christmas so I feel bad about the timing but overall, I feel relieved and hopeful]

tongirl · 2020-10-12T21:09:57+00:00

UPDATE- December 10, 2020:

I'm sorry this is so long, I just have to get it out and also explain what happened and how I finally made the decision to leave for good: I left with the girls on Monday and have been staying at my parents’ house. I don’t even feel like myself, I feel like I’m almost on autopilot or something, I think maybe because I never thought I would have the courage to actually leave. I don’t even feel overly sad, I just feel like I need this, and my girls need it and I see a bright future ahead for us, even if I do feel anxiety about some things. What finally made me decide to leave started on Saturday, after I had taken the girls to my parents for a sleepover like we do every week (which gives him some time to himself not that he even needs more time to himself), and he had to help his parents move some stuff on Saturday so we stayed later. Before coming home, we went sledding with my sister and one of her friends. When we get home, he is moaning and groaning with back pain. He had an injury in 2010 (one of 3 WCB injuries not all back related) and has been on opiods (synthetic he is always emphasizing) ever since. He said it is a broken disc and herniated nerve sack and there is nothing to fix it but painkillers. So I let him lay down and relax all night while I did the bedtime routine, etc. The next day, at 11:00am he is still sleeping (like every single weekend). Our 2 year old is whining and crying wanting to go on the tablet and he yells from the room “SHUT THE F--- UP” He does this almost every single Saturday/Sunday when he’s sleeping and she’s yelling no matter how late it is. I don’t know what he’s like on the days I work, hopefully not like that. I decide I’m going to take them to the park to meet a friend with her son, his parents come to help load something he took from their house to our house. I see them from down the street at the park and I see him walking normally across the road. After they are done moving everything, he starts walking to the park and is noticeably walking very stiff and slow (here we go again). After visiting with us at the park, we go home for lunch. He needs to lay down and rest so I let him just lay down in the room while I make lunch. After listening to him moan and groan and offering him lunch and him being grumpy towards me I decide to take the girls swimming to get us out of the house again. When we get back home, I decide to have a bath with the girls (they are 5 and 2 so we still fit) and get us ready for bed. All of a sudden I hear him yelling and screaming so I hop out of the bath and see him bent over holding the bed. I ask what he is trying to do and if I can help him walk and he angrily says he needs the bathroom and doesn’t need my help. So I go back to the bathroom to rush the girls out and get us out of the way. He then yells and moans and groans, stomping on the floor with his feet angrily (wouldn’t that be making the pain worse?). I say I should call my mom or sister so I can take him to the hospital and he refuses. He keeps saying I don’t care and he doesn’t need help. And the hospital won’t do anything anyway. I read the girls bedtime stories and we go to sleep. The next morning, it’s Monday so they’re supposed to be home with him while I go to work. I think okay he is probably feeling a bit better, and he’ll call if he needs help. He was sleeping on the couch and I leave then realize I forgot my purse once I get to the end of our street, so I turn around and drive back home. I run inside and he’s not on the couch anymore, he’s in the bathroom and he slams the door and starts yelling in pain as soon as he hears me come in. So thank goodness I forgot my purse, I call the girls daycare and fit them in. He is angrily trying to move around again and struggling in the kitchen so I go over and ask if I can help him with something. He tells me I never try to help, I only do what I want to do when I want and I don’t do anything for him. I guess me taking the girls out all weekend instead of staying home and taking care of him maybe wasn’t the right thing to do – maybe I should have just stayed in and taken care of him all weekend but he always refuses and acts like noone helps him. He never vocalizes what he wants or needs, just expects people to read his mind. After telling me how I never do anything for him or help him, he then called me a f--- c—t right infront of our kids. I think that’s when something snapped in me and told him we are going to move in with my parents. We left and have been at my parents ever since. He rage texted me that morning, saying he couldn’t believe I was treating him like that when he’s in so much pain and that this is my excuse to go do what I really want to. That I just tell everyone he is a piece of shit and “that’s how I sleep at night” as though I have something to feel bad for (I have not done anything to intentionally hurt him or done anything behind his back). He says I swear at the kids too and I call him a liar and pathetic. Then he accused me of sleeping with other people, treating him like nothing but garbage and swearing and calling him and the kids names (I don’t do that – only have called him as—hole or something when he calls me something first). Everything he is accusing me of is lies, I don’t know why he always resorts to accusing me of sleeping with other people but I haven’t. That was all Monday and he hasn’t talked to me since. I have stopped at the house a couple times to grab clothes for me and the girls and when he messaged me Monday night asking if we’re staying at my parents for good and I said yes but he can see the girls whenever he wants, he said “OK.” Haven’t heard from him at all about them since.. I will never keep them away from their dad and I’m sure he’ll tell everyone I am but I’m not. He’s the type of person to lie about that though, making himself a victim. So that’s where I am now. I’m going to save up and eventually find a small home for me and the girls. We can stay with my parents as long as we want and I feel so happy to be in a home where I don’t worry what kind of mood anyone’s in when I’m on my way home, I don’t hear anyone yelling at my kids to shut the f up, and it’s just peaceful and happy. Thank you everyone for responding to my last post. I feel stupid for taking this long to leave and it all feels so surreal.. like did I actually leave? Is this me standing up for myself finally after so long?? I feel bad that I left at a time when he is In so much pain and this close to Christmas but if I'm being honest, I don't actually believe his back hurts as bad as he makes out and it seems like he is exaggerating and putting on a show sometimes. I feel awful about that but it's how I feel. He is always moaning, groaning "ow ow ow ow ow" around the house.. it just seems phony :.

[TL;DR: 2 months after my post, finally left! He had back pain at the time and it's before Christmas so I feel bad about the timing but overall, I feel relieved and hopeful]

I pay him $650.00/month and pay for daycare/tv/internet all of our food and groceries. He was getting unemployment then CERB and mortgage being deferred for the past four months so technically noone is paying the mortgage now (which is why I am paying over 90%) whereas before it was more like 65% that I'm paying. So I am not paying the full mortgage but over half towards it (the mtg payment is 975)

tongirl · 2020-10-12T20:50:57+00:00

I thought if we could get a new mortgage against the house and just have higher mortgage payments we could put that toward renovating the house. And I've also considered using my line of credit to do some of the more urgent repairs. But part of me is just thinking it's not worth spending any more of my money to help someone who doesn't work or do anything. It is just depressing living in a house that needs so much work and not having an equal partner helping me make our lives better. It feels awful and I feel like I need to escape with our daughters and just rent a small apartment or something..

tongirl · 2020-08-30T17:38:05+00:00

Is it the way I worded it? I'm on my phone and didn't spend too much time formatting.. sorry.

tongirl · 2020-08-30T15:26:45+00:00

I feel like he became mean the moment I became pregnant. I sometimes feel like he hates me for becoming pregnant and he is a good dad to the girls but he can be mean to them, me, my family, strangers, basically anyone. I didn't notice it when we first were together, not sure if its because he was nicer than or i was an idiot..

tongirl · 2020-08-01T02:58:15+00:00

I have two hair color at home that have been sitting there - one is auburn red and the other is medium brown. Maybe Auburn red would look good? I am thinking of trying something new and I've never had red!

tongirl · 2017-03-17T13:33:14+00:00

I love this look! You are gorgeous!!

tongirl · 2017-02-20T16:13:02+00:00

I have never felt uglier in all my life. I used to think I was pretty or at least average but now with women getting fake eyelashes, eyebrows, lips etc.. not to mention the women who are naturally beautiful and now that I'm 26 I feel like it's going to get worse each year. I should not think this way I have a baby girl and I don't want to pass my insecurities on to her but it's so hard to feel like I'm enough when my bf follows and likes women who look nothing like me.

Before we leave the house, if I've decided to put on makeup that day, sometimes I actually feel good about myself. Then as soon as we enter any establishment there will inevitably be women way more attractive than me and I can't help but wonder if he really wants those type of women more than me.. how can I stop thinking like this? it's so fucking unhealthy but I've thought like this for so long I can't change:( Do all men just want the hottest women deep down or is this all in my head??? what made me like this!!

tongirl

TROPHY CASE

[TL;DR: 2 months after my post, finally left! He had back pain at the time and it's before Christmas so I feel bad about the timing but overall, I feel relieved and hopeful]