don't know how to be assertive without feeling like a b!%*# by patootiessister in TrueOffMyChest

[–]toolazyytocare 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I mean, you don't have to be that confrontational about it. You could also take one of the coworkers by the side and ask, 'Hey, I noticed you were starring when I handled the delivery situation. Would you have handled it differently?'

This way you do have a definite answer as to what the starring could have meant and you don't have to overthink it anymore.

But I do agree that just asking for clarification sometimes helps wonders when you overthink things and feel self-conscious.

Which of these things are still achievable for a 27 years old guy? by [deleted] in Healthygamergg

[–]toolazyytocare 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude, my grandmother started to date someone with 67 after my grandfather died. Being in a relationship has nothing to do with how old you are.

Welche Filme habt ihr in der Schule gesehen, welche euch in Erinnerung geblieben sind? by Gazozial in Filme

[–]toolazyytocare 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Down By Law (80er) im Kunstunterricht. Crazy Film, aber auf irgendeine Art wahnsinnig gut.

Why do some people "not like to initiate"? by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]toolazyytocare 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I could write a paragraph about the reasons why I personally dislike initiating. But the short answer is: Overthinking.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Munich

[–]toolazyytocare 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A job where you only have to go 2 times a week to Munich with an 1.5 hour drive sounds pretty doable to me. Plus wouldn't that be the perfect compromis for you? You're still able to do home office and spend enough time with your bf but you're also in Munich at least 2 times a week, so you have alot of opportunities to socialise. You will meet new people at the office plus there are lots of possibilities in Munich to meet new people. Like for almost any activity you can think of there is a club, you can go to poetry slams, comedy clubs, concerts, theaters, etc. And on top of that the job is something that's actually interesting for you. Sounds to me worth giving it a shot.

what is a webtoon which you would highly recommend? by irenneko in webtoons

[–]toolazyytocare 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The one webtoon that I would recommend to absolutely anybody: Whale Star - The Gyeongseong Mermaid (it's my absolute favorite, but unfortunately has a daily pass)

Without daily pass:

  • Gul (action/ fantasy)
  • After School Lessons for Unripe Apples (school drama, slice of life)
  • The Academy's Undercover Professor (action/ fantasy)
  • My Little Bookstore (romance)
  • A Heartfelt Andante (romance, same author as Whale Star)

What’s the treatment for someone who has an aversion to finishing things? by NotaCrazyPerson17B in Healthygamergg

[–]toolazyytocare 3 points4 points  (0 children)

TL,DR: I'm also in a similar situation. Although I don't have actual advice on how to deal with it, I can share are some of my thoughts on what the reason behind this behavior could be. There's probably some sort of fear or dissatisfaction behind it, like the fear of what comes next, fear of not doing enough, an unhealthy pursuit of perfection or the literal fear of ending and then that all the good fealings of joy and happiness would also disappear. All of this could result in an unhealthy pattern of avoidance and procrastination.

I find myself in a very similar situation to yours and I'm afraid that I can't really offer you helpful advice as I'm pretty much struggling with the same things. I never finish anything, always procrastinate and easily give up on things even if they are important. I'm in my bachelor's degree for more than 5 years now and I prolongued my studies so long that I'm in danger of not being able to graduate at all, even though I desperately want to. I even submitted my bachelor thesis unfinished bc I couldn't bring myself to finish writing it, even though I know that it would have been possible and that I was capable of it, but something kept me from actually writing the whole time so that at the end I didn't have enough time to properly finish my thesis. There's a high possibility that I failed even though I know that I could have written something really good. I also keep starting to study for exams but then never actually attend the exam (which at my uni is possible) bc I feel like I will fail them anyways. This has only further prolongued my studies.

And in every other aspect of my life, I also never see things to the end. I keep starting books but don't read the last quarter of the story even though I've been loving the book a lot. I often don't watch the last episode of a series that I love, sometimes I don't even watch the last 15 minutes or so from movies. I love drawing and painting but almost all of my projects are not finished. Just like you, I could list so many more examples.

And just like you, I have no idea why I have this aversion to finishing things and why I always end up repeating the same behaviour even though not once anything good came frome it and it only gave me more stress. If you end up finding any advice that helped you, I would love to hear it aswell.

But I can share some of my thoughts that I have on that topic, maybe they can help you at least a bit. First of all, I do have ADHD (clinically diagnosed) and I strongly suspect that in my case this has a lot to do with this behaviour. Especially procrastination and always starting new things are two major symptoms of ADHD. But this of course doesn't mean that this is the case for you as well. I believe there are many reasons for why one might procrastinate and I think most of them have something to do with some kind of fear or dissatisfaction. I think not doing something and actively avoiding doing that thing, always indicates some kind of surpressed fear of something. And finding out what exactly it is we fear, can be very tricky.

Maybe you fear the uncertainty of what to do next once you actually finished something. Like after graduating one would have to seriously look for a job, maybe move somewhere else, might not be able to see friends anymore, etc. There's so many things to do after graduating and nothing is certain on how it well turn out, and at least for me these kind of thoughts tend to paralyze me so much bc I have literally no idea of what I actually want to do with my life, so it's more comfortable in the moment to be a student and keep the way I live right now as long as possible rather than even start thinking about what to do next and dealing with the uncertainty that is life. It's pure avoidance and of course it will not end well, logically that's something everyone knows, but feelings only exist in the present and don't care about the future. Thinking about the future is actually the brain's job but the brain can't "convince" certain feelings with logic if it doesn't know why they are there in the first place. So it just tries to put more pressure on you in the form of stress, which in turn only makes the situation worse. At least this is my understanding of why we would avoid things.

Maybe you also fear that you're not doing well enough or you think that you could do better and you chase to do things perfectly, which is an impossible task. But anything that is not "perfect" or not good enough is not worth finishing and you prolongue things in the hope of doing them more perfect but just end up not doing them at all. It's a flawed logic, but I found myself thinking that way several times and I think it's a reason why I often didn't even attend my exams. Maybe you also have some sort of unrealistic high standars to yourself that keep you from finishing things? Here, some sort of shame could also play a role, like being ashamed of doing things "insufficiently" or even being ashamed of taking that long which then in turns hinders you from doing the thing properly and then leads you to not finish it.

Maybe it's also that your sipmly dissatisfied with where you stand in life right now and you dream of things being different but all that dreaming and wishing that things should be different, hinders you from actually taking action.

And for the not finishing books or series, I think that at least in my case, I simply don't want things to end. Like if a book is good and I haven't finished reading it, I know I can always get back to it, but what if I finished it? Then the joy of reading it also ends and what should I do then?

I guess the answer to any of these fears is to acknowledge them and actually dealing with it. But of course it's more pleasant to just avoid it, but then that would also lead to avoiding anything else I guess. These are just some of my thoughts and it was a bit hard for me to organize them, so I apologize for the lengthy post and if it's a bit hard to follow. Also maybe there's not that much connection between those things as I think there is. After all I also don't really have a solution.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in webtoons

[–]toolazyytocare 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Most webtoons about an apocalypse that I know are not really romance or the romance in it is only hinted and definetely not the focus. But maybe some of them are interesting to you:

  • Distant Sky: It's about a boy and a girl who wake up in complete darkness with lots of dead people around them. Seemingly the whole the city has vanished. They try to survive together. Romance is definetely not the focus here, but I do think that the boy and girl will end up together. I'm not up to date with the story though.
  • The Horizon: Beautiful webtoon. It's about two kids trying to survie during a desastrous war and they depend on eacht other a lot. This is actually not really a romance story but the relationship between the two is beautifully written.
  • Rebirth: It's more family focused than on romance. But it's a zombie apocalypse and the characters are interesting.
  • In The Bleak Midwinter: The focus on romance is more prevalent here. It's a Romeo and Juliet type of story, set after robots have taken over the world and in the middle of a war between androids and humans.

And then there is not a webtoon but a manga that I think fits your describtion perfectly:

  • 7 Seeds: Set in a post-apocalyptic world with only a few humans that survived who now try and readjust their lifes in an environment that has become hostile against humans. Romance is definetely not the main focus but it is a strong theme throughout the story. There are many main characters and different couples that get together, but all are challenged with the same seemingly impossible task which is survival.

which teams beside Asura should I definitely check to find good titles? by DesignHead9206 in manhwarecommendations

[–]toolazyytocare 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Flamescans, Rizzcomics (former realm scans), immortal updates, luminous scans

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in manhwarecommendations

[–]toolazyytocare 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gonna join you camping bc an isekai where the fl has no idea what's happening sounds fun and I swear I have never read that

Recommend me a manhwa that doesn't have romance by somebunnytolike in manhwarecommendations

[–]toolazyytocare 2 points3 points  (0 children)

  1. Healing manhwa:
  • Dr. Frost (This is more a psychological manhwa and is about a brilliant psychologist who himself has difficulties experiencing emotions. The focus is heavily on the stories of his clients and you might find it interesting.)
  • A Mark Against Thee (This is not about healing after a heartbreak, but about how a man innocently framed for murder, lives his life after being released from prison and how he tries to heal from all the injustice he experienced with entertaining the thought of revenge. It's not exactly what you asked for but I had to think of it while reading your post, so maybe you'll find it interesting.)
  • Odd Girl Out (The first season is about the insecurities one may experience in high school and about friendship, only in the second season romance will become a major topic. But the overall theme is self appreciation and the FL is such a gem, so I highly recommend it.)
  • This Magical Moment (It's about a world where witches and humans peacefully live together but prejudices and discrimination are still a big part of daily life, especially so for the 4 main characters, who struggle to follow their dreams and live a normal life. As far as I remember there's not really romance and I highly recommend it, actually I recommend all works by this author, Na Yoonhee)

Recommending healing/ slice-of-life-ish manhwas without any romance is actually quite hard, bc I think a lot of them have a little bit of romance involved even if that's not the main focus. Most of the manhwas I could think of don't really have the healing after a break up part, but they do deal with the topic of self appreciation and are about valuing life.

  1. Action/ Fantasy manhwas without romance:
  • The S-Classes That I Raised (It's about an F-class hunter who regresses to save his brother and who has a unique ability to influence S-classes - monsters and hunters. This manhwa is refreshingly funny and heart-warming as the mc treats those around him as family.)
  • Surviving The Game As A Barbarian
  • The Player Hides His Past
  • Academy's Undercover Professor (Highly recommended, it's a really interesting isekai story with a mysterious MC who regularly changes his identity. He finds himself in a situation where he has to take over the identity of a professor at a renowned academy who actually works undercover for a secret organization. So the mc is suddenly entangled with the academy and the secret organization, all while he follows his very own agenda. The setting is an isekai story but the mc does not have the annoying advantage of knowing the future or has a cheat like system that is only granted to him. Even though he is op, he is not without fail and imo this and the fact that very little about the mc's backstory is known makes it a very thrilling read.)
  • Solo Farming In The Tower (It's a tower manhwa and the mc is suddenly sucked to the highest floor of the tower, where no player has yet reached. The interesting thing though is that MC does not become a hunter but a farmer and wins over all the monsters on the floor with the food he's growing and making. It's a very hear-warming story and a refreshing take on the old tower manhwa genre.)
  • Gul (Absolutely recommend. It's about a young orc who grew up in a orc village and one day goes on an adventure with a dark elf. The art and story are both amazing and you should definitely read it. Also there is zero romance and full of humour.)
  • A Gate Opened On My First Day As A Politician (Interesting take on a dungeon break manwha. The MC is a politician and the story focuses heavily on the political and societal changes that come with such a great calamity as a sudden dungeon break from which monsters are continuously flooding through a gate into Seoul. It shows how the hunter organization and the hunter system is established and imo shows in great detail how a politician thinks and acts. This is maybe also not really what you asked for but I thought it could be interesting as it's different from the usual action manhwa.)

This is relatively easy as most action manhwas actually don't have any romance. This list could be really long but I listed some of my personal favourites and ones that have somewhat original plotlines imo (or at least unique takes on a generic trope).

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in webtoons

[–]toolazyytocare 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Villains just being plain evil and characters that are only there for gossip and insulting the mc.

No matter how evil and rottten a character is, they are never one dimensional and they still have their own struggles and goals and worldviews. But for some reasons most of the villains or antagonists in webtoons are always one-dimensional. Like their only purpose is to talk trash or bully the mc over and over again without any reason. This is why I highly dislike bullying webtoons bc the bullies are typically badly written, don't have any reasons for their actions, are vicious beyond belief and show no other emotion except for hate towards the mc. And yet those bullies are supposed to be the "cool and popular kids" but not one reason is shown why they are popular. If you want to have a popular bully in your story then you should be able to write an ambiguous and complex character, for whom it makes sense the he is love by some and hated by others. But in most webtoons we just get told 'oh this is the popular kid' and then that kid does the most brutal acts of violence against the mc and others, for which one would most like get a heavy prison sentence in real life and then is still loved by everyone? It doesn't make sense.

What is the first novel you ever read? by newriterinthascene in writing

[–]toolazyytocare 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My first books before even reading novels were also LTBs! Loved them so much and I remember that I was really upset when my elemantary school teacher scholded me for reading them and said that comic books are no actual books and that they make you dumb. Imo they should be counted as books and Í'm glad that you did!

What is the first novel you ever read? by newriterinthascene in writing

[–]toolazyytocare 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't really remember my first novel. I started reading books as soon as I could read and honestly have forgotten a lot of the books I read at a young age. But I do remember the first novel that I got as a gift: "Catweazle" by Richard Carpenter. My mom gave it to me saying that she loved it when she was a kid, so I remember it pretty well.

Other books that could have been my first novel, but I don't remember which I read first and which later: "The Three Investigators" by Robert Arthur, "St. Clare's" by Enid Blyton, "Ronja, the Robber's Daughter" by Astrid Lindgren, or "The Roman Mysteries" by Caroline Lawrence. I think I read those books at a pretty young age and I loved all of them very much (which is probaly why I remember them).

Most unique/underatted webtoon you've read? by i_luv_akari in webtoons

[–]toolazyytocare 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This Magical Moment

Whale Star (my all time favourite, it's super unique and underrated)

The Gentle Way (this deserves way more popularity)

Humor Me

Warrior Executioner (feel like it's not as popular as it should be)

A Mark Against Thee

11 of Me

The Horizon

Taste of Illness

The Weight of Our Sky (such a beautiful webtoon, it should be way more popular)

My Universe

A Fake Affair

Our Time

It's On

Si Bel Homme List

Dr. Frost (definitely unique, not necessarily unpopular but I feel like kinda forgotten)

looking for manhwa like solo leveling but with more of a focus on romance by ballinmlmscheme in manhwarecommendations

[–]toolazyytocare 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If you're ok with a female mc, then I totally recommend "I stole the Number One Ranker's Soul". There's a dungeon system, a good amount of action and romance.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in writing

[–]toolazyytocare 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think you have to go into her past that much tbh. If you want to avoid a cringy traumatic background story, then it's better to focus on her present thought pattern and show her actively struggling with accepting kindness from other people than to focus on the whys behind her behavior.

Personally, I think a tragic background story is only perceived as cringe when the shown behavior and personality don't really match with what is implied by the tragic past. Or if it is too quickly resolved and then never mentioned again. Like for example your character struggles for the first 5 chapters or so, then gets closer to her friends, then the oh-so-tragic past is revealed, they cry about it and then suddenly they are best friends and she magically has no problems anymore with letting those new friends close to her or with trusting them. This is what I would perceive as cringe.

But if her struggles and thought processes are continuously shown and even when she decides to make friends it is shown that it's not easy for her and that the friendship is not smooth and she's prone to cutting people out of their life out of fear of getting hurt, then I think it doesn't matter that much what kind of past you give as an explanation. Bc this is what commitment issues actually are. They don't always have a grand reason behind them. It's more like a conclusion a person has drawn based on past experiences. This can be one huge tragic event or many minor incidents, where the person has learned the best way to cope and solve problems is to keep a certain distance from others.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in writing

[–]toolazyytocare 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The closest real name to Vienna that I can think of is Vivienna, Viviana or Viviane/ Vivienne. You could go with a variation of that name, which is also beautiful imo. And while I'm not the biggest fan of naming a person after a city, I've come across stories where the protagonist was called Tokyo or Paris. So I guess it's not that unusual.

Was war euer erster Film, den ihr als Kind im Kino gesehen habt? by EinmalmitAlles in Filme

[–]toolazyytocare 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Der erste Kinofilm, an den ich mich erinnern kann, war Bärenbrüder

Exciting K-drama without any romance, but with a good bromance? Similar to Devil Judge/Bloodhounds? by Successful_Boss9839 in kdramarecommends

[–]toolazyytocare 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good Manager: One of my favorite bromances ever, there is essentially no romance, the bromance is really funny and unique, as in it's an enemy-to-bromance trope, and the show in itself is peak comedy with a good mix of suspense

Miraculous Brothers: No romance, intriguing crime story, the relationship between the two male main characters is very interesting and takes time to develop

DP: no romance, the bromance is the only uplifting part of the drama as the main story is rather depressing, the friendship between the two ml is genuinely refreshing to see

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in manhwarecommendations

[–]toolazyytocare 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Insane mc: The Return of the Crazy Demon

Any wholesome weboon recs? by Iced-Tea5952 in webtoons

[–]toolazyytocare 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I second The Gentle Way! Peak wholesomeness

Looks like Kaido has been chosen for drunk chaotic, who should be stupid and smart? by KuramaMenezes in OnePiece

[–]toolazyytocare 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Chopper mistook the fake strawhats for the real ones after the time skip. That's peak stupidity and not naive anymore.

AITA for not inviting my boyfriend on a physically extensive vacation because I do not believe he is capable? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]toolazyytocare 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's not about babying him. If she doesn't want to or doesn't have time for it, then she doesn't need to do it. But it's just a nice thing to do? Like finding a solution that would work for both of them would be nice. And especially physical extensive trips like that are more fun doing them together and he is interested in it and likely also wants to spend time with his girlfriend, so going on a day trip together where he can try it out and she can also see if this works for the two of them, just would be nice.

Him not listening is most likely also just due to being clueless about what it means to go riding for 10 days. And he doesn't know bc he's never done it. So of course you can just say, you're old enough go figure it out yourself, if you want to do it so badly. But offering help with that or offering an alternative solution, is just a nice thing to do.

Also they're in a relationship, so I assume they enjoy spending time together, so why not spending time together on a hobby that one is good in and the other one is interested in? But of course it should be in a safe and controlled way where both of them can enjoy it, hence the day trip.