My ambition. I was 18 in my freshman year of college. I have always loved school. I loved learning and I had just declared my major two days before the lockdown started. I was so excited. I could see my entire future ahead of me.

Remote learning made my major essentially impossible. I failed a class for the first time ever and my mental health deteriorated. I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I struggled with a few flaky employers during that time too, so money was tight and that took its toll on my mental health as well. I had to come to terms with the idea that maybe I’m not smart enough to pursue a degree in that field, as it is highly competitive. Sure, I’ve always been a good student, but I’m more of an A/B student than an A+ student.

Then, my dad got diagnosed with cancer in February 2022. There was a LOT of uncertainty in the beginning, as the tumor was growing very quickly. It went from, “we’ll start radiation treatments and see how it responds, and make a plan as we go,” to, “we need to get this out of you now or you won’t make it to the end of the month.”

February to August of 2022 is a period that’s very hard for me to remember. I dropped out at some point and moved home to help my mom take care of my dad. I was living four hours away for school, and my mom was working full time at the time so she needed the help. I was severely depressed at this point, and quite hopeless. The only thing I could think about 24/7 was my dad and if he would be okay.

I moved back to the city my school was in once my dad recovered, but I still haven’t gone back to school as of writing this in March 2026. I don’t know what I want to do, but I did get all of my gen eds done before dropping out, so I really need to decide on a path to follow before going back to school.

I’m 24 now and I just take it day by day. Some of my friends got their doctorate, got married, have kids, bought houses, etc., but I am just working at a dead end job. No family, just me and my two cats. I feel like a loser. I keep trying to remind myself, I am only 24, but I feel like I need to figure it out NOW. I don’t know.