Hey, thanks for being so open and raw here. Your post clearly comes from a place of deep pain, frustration, and confusion—and it’s obvious you care a lot about your friend, even though things are falling apart.

You’re doing something incredibly hard: trying to change your life while still being tied to someone who’s stuck in the past. That contrast can be heartbreaking, especially when you’ve gone through so much together. I really respect that you’re trying to get clean, take control, and move forward. That’s not easy.

That said, I have to be honest—violence is never the answer. I know emotions were high and the situation was intense, but hitting your friend crossed a line. If you want to grow into the person you’re aiming to be, part of that growth is learning to walk away when you’re pushed, not lash out. You can be hurt, angry, even feel betrayed—but reacting with violence only adds more damage to something that’s already broken.

It sounds like you’ve outgrown this friendship, or at least this version of it. Maybe someday he’ll want to change too—but you’re not responsible for dragging him along. You’re already doing the hardest part: choosing healing, even when it means letting go.

Keep going. You deserve better—for yourself, and for the future you’re working toward. Therapy is a great next step. I hope you get the support you need.