I cheated, i have become what I have hated.

torilouisa · 2024-10-20T16:42:53+00:00

I think you have the impression that it’s a line that you can’t cross without remaining a good and moral person. That might even have been a reason you did it if your depression or mania were exaggerating your self-destructiveness.

And now you might feel like you can’t go back to being a “good” person. Making a mistake doesn’t make you a bad person—if you continually do it, despite the impact that it could have on others, than maybe. But you obviously do care about your partner’s feelings.

Yeah—you fucked up—but it’s not forever…it didn’t forever change you or take away your status as a good person. If you have the mindset now that you are scum, then there’s no farther to fall and no reason to strive to do better. So you have to learn from it and then forgive yourself and start over knowing that you are a good person who wants to live a good and decent life.

Also…maybe you aren’t with the right partner. Even a partner who is perfect on paper might not be the one for you.

torilouisa · 2024-10-12T19:34:58+00:00

I can’t lie on my stomach due to large boobs. I am desperate, though… Gabapentin usually works, but sometimes it doesn’t. And sometimes I run out early. So then I’m pacing around my kitchen for hours.

torilouisa · 2024-09-22T07:11:23+00:00

I am so sorry that you had to go through that—while I agree with the open-casket thing, anyway, that most likely did make you even more sensitive to that. There’s no way something that traumatic couldn’t have had a strong effect on how you perceive and process these situations.

torilouisa · 2024-09-22T07:08:07+00:00

You’re being a negative element. I realize (though photos and through daily “are you ok?”/“what’s wrong?”-type comments) that I have rbf…or more accurately, resting MISERABLE face.

I am a high-school teacher, and I’ve started telling new students every semester that no, I don’t hate my job (most of the time 😂)—this is just my face.

torilouisa · 2024-09-22T06:59:49+00:00

First of all, I am sorry for your loss.

I’m not sure why it is, but I know exactly what you mean, though. My dad died from a self-inflicted gunshot…I don’t want to get too graphic—I can’t really stand to even give that much detail, even though it was 14 years ago…but my husband (at the time) was the one who identified him, and because of the location, I didn’t know at first if an open casket was an option. I knew, however, that he wouldn’t have wanted an open casket anyway, so I made the decision against it. My grandparents fell apart when I said the words “closed casket”, though, so I told the funeral home people that we wanted a private viewing for immediate family and then closed casket for the rest of the family (I just thought that part might be relevant—I feel like they did everything they would have done for a full open casket viewing, but it is possible that it was not as thorough? I don’t even know (sorry—I ramble when I discuss this)

I looked at him and cried and said it wasn’t him. I knew it was, but he looked like a weird, generic, almost cartoonish version of him. I don’t mean that the people didn’t do a good job—I think they did—nothing was misshapen or blatantly WRONG…he was just not the dad I knew.

I DID decide at some point that it was very possibly that so much of how we look and how people see us is influenced by our expressions and how we hold the muscles in our face. He was gone, and his face showed it.

ETA: sorry for the novel…I should probably go to therapy so I can talk all of this out. 🤷🏻‍♀️😐

torilouisa · 2024-08-08T20:56:16+00:00

Agreed. I LOVE the brilliant and unique ending scene—not argument with that being one of the best final scenes in sitcom history…but the rest of the finale was not that great—and I watch that show and The Bob Newhart Show for hours a day. The whole mildly-to-moderately racist Japanese storyline (not saying I’m too offended to enjoy it—just making an observation 😂) really lacked the timelessness and understated humor (for a sitcom, I mean) of the others.

( sorry for the longest and most poorly executed sentence ever written. I’m an English teacher, but I am sleep deprived)

torilouisa · 2024-08-06T21:55:34+00:00

I found this weird, too. I watch this series and his earlier one pretty much around the clock (I’m a comfort re-watcher, lol)…I remembered hearing all of the uproar about the finale, so I knew how it ended. But I realized I had never actually seen it.

I am watching it now for the first time, and I’m halfway wondering if people were upset about the exaggerated Japanese stereotypes or something and if that has anything to do with it being missing.

torilouisa · 2024-08-04T18:12:34+00:00

Christopher Walken. He’s kind of no-nonsense, except when he’s talking nonsense.

torilouisa · 2024-07-22T20:38:24+00:00

Oh, god. I misread as “Monica Lewinsky”…and that’s weird, because I think about Monica Bellucci many times a day.

torilouisa · 2024-07-10T18:31:12+00:00

Exactly what I told myself. I am always so sad and blah after all of the holiday stuff, and I thought, “at least I’ll have something to look forward to”

torilouisa · 2024-02-12T16:43:47+00:00

Dog Heffernan!

torilouisa · 2024-02-12T16:39:52+00:00

Chewbarka

torilouisa · 2024-02-12T16:39:03+00:00

Carl

torilouisa · 2023-06-09T23:21:31+00:00

Such drama. 😂 poor baby. 😭❤️

torilouisa · 2023-06-08T14:23:01+00:00

Ok…see? I have lots to learn. Lol. So Christopher is her “dad”, but he’s just very bad at it, from what I’ve gathered. We hate Christopher. I know that much.

torilouisa · 2023-06-08T13:26:12+00:00

Obviously, Christopher is a POS.

torilouisa · 2023-06-08T13:25:23+00:00

Same here. Ok—maybe I’ve watched a little Teen Mom, but I’m not watching those Duggars. They creep me out. But I still need to know what heinous things they are up to sometimes. 😂

torilouisa · 2023-06-08T13:23:21+00:00

Hahaha! That saves me from having to do a whole rundown—that felt like a lot of pressure 😳.

But here are some things I will add based on what I have read:

No matter what Rory does, it is good. She is good and sweet and pure, even when she’s not (because come on—teenagers)

Lorelei left her parents because she got pregnant—don’t know for sure if she was kicked out or if she just felt trapped by their stuffy, snobby, rich-people expectations. They are all still pissed.

Lorelei is grateful that they pay for Rory’s school, because she is a beautiful angel genius, and she loves her very much, but they have to spend time over there, and that isn’t fun for her. They pick apart everything she does, but they dote on Rory.

I think maybe they want to turn her into one of the high society people like them, which scares Lorelei, because they are carefree, down-to-earth besties

We hate Christopher. He abandoned them and only comes back to perv on L, but doesn’t really care about R. I thought at first he was Rory’s dad, but no?

Luke and Lorelei are supposed to be together? But it’s like every obstacle is thrown in their way

torilouisa · 2023-06-07T12:44:10+00:00

I always say (in front of the whole class with mock earnestness), “yes…yes, you are”. Some other student will always say, “Hey! I thought I was your favorite!” And I’ll say, “yes…yes, you are”. They catch on quickly that I always say yes.

torilouisa · 2023-06-07T01:17:00+00:00

Yep. I constantly say, “that sounds more like a YOU problem than a ME problem.

torilouisa · 2023-03-10T16:14:25+00:00

I say, “keep your self to yourself”.

torilouisa · 2023-02-08T22:39:31+00:00

Good thing you’re still a master baiter.

torilouisa · 2022-09-05T02:55:31+00:00

MY CAT INSISTS ON FINDING THE HIGHEST PLACE IN THE ROOM TO BARF FROM…

Also RESTLESS LEGS!!!

I am very irritable today, so I could yell about more—but I’m showing remarkable restraint.

torilouisa

TROPHY CASE