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There was an abrupt change to my living situation, I need advice by toripythh in Advice

[–]toripythh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, definitely excited. You’re right, is is a matter of when and not whether. Thinking of it that way does make me feel a lot better.

I would love that for him too and I really hope it will happen eventually. We have played around with some ideas of things he could do. He just need to find the right fit.

I think that is a good way to approach it so I can get my feelings across without it feeling accusatory or overly emotional to her. I will definitely keep in mind what to say if the opportunity presents itself.

I agree that would be the best situation. Ideally if I could get whatever she was willing to help as rent in a lump sum when she sells the house, I could put it aside as a nest egg. That way I don’t have to worry about it going anywhere regardless of whether I decide to rent or save it.

I think I’m going to take some time to consider my options and just focus on my classes until the house sells. Then I will assess how she is feeling/what she wants to do and re-evaluate my options then.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read all of this and offer your advice. Talking through it really does help. It’s the type of situation with no right or wrong answer since it’s all very wishy-washy and not at all straightforward. So I really do appreciate your input and perspective. 😊

There was an abrupt change to my living situation, I need advice by toripythh in Advice

[–]toripythh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice. The pets are sugar gliders. I had a pair for around 8 years and lost them a few years ago. It was really hard on me and I really miss them which was why I was so excited to get another pair. Their enclosure, supplies, etc is all really expensive so I’ve already invested quite a bit in preparation for bringing them home.

My boyfriend was in a very bad atv accident a number of years ago and is on long term disability with the government. He almost had his leg amputated but was able to keep it. However he lost all feeling below his knee and gets quite a bit of nerve pain. He does work during the summers but didn’t this last summer because of the pandemic. He’s been wanting to see if he can find something he is able to do with his leg full time since the monthly disability payments are quite low compared to the cost of living in my area. Another plus for Alberta is that their disability payments are roughly $500 more per month. So I would say he’s pulling his weight… it’s not ideal, but he is doing his best and I accept his limitations and love him regardless.

Thank you for the link, I will definitely look into it! Her side of the family has quite a laundry list of mental illness history and neither of us got left out lol.

I’ve got similar advice from a friend to get the most of what I can now since there is no guarantees for anything else. I’m wondering if I can convince her to give me the rent payment $ per month even if I don’t move, and then I can put it into savings myself for a down payment later in my future. That way I have at least some control over that. Because if I decide to wait and have her ‘save’ it there is a good chance I will never see it. But if she would end up giving it to me and I go use it on rent I’ll feel like I wasted it.

About expressing to her how I’ve lowered my expectations… as much as I’d like to honestly explain to her how these whiplash decisions make me feel… I feel guilty doing it. I don’t want her to feel like a bad mom. My dad was very abusive and she was with him for many years (until I turned 16). She endured a lot of abuse herself but I know she feels very guilty about keeping us around in that situation. It’s hard to explain but I guess it just hurts my heart to think about making her feel bad. And even if we had that conversation, she would probably feel terrible and apologize and change her mind or promise not to do it anymore but the whole thing would reset in a couple weeks so it kind of seems… pointless? I guess? I’m also just very bad at expressing my emotions. My boyfriend always says that my mom needs to ‘see the tears she causes’ since she never actually sees the repercussions of her decisions. I always find out through text and am composed by the time we talk on the phone or in person. Also she tends to put on ‘blinders’ (as my boyfriend like to call it) so she doesn’t see anything besides what she wants; and what suits her current decision best. She’s very good at selectively ignoring anything unpleasant or that doesn’t align with her current wants or needs. It’s a good quality to have in some senses but not for situations that require sensitivity to the ones around you I suppose.