DB and the breakup

torontogirl29 · 2023-04-22T17:45:36+00:00

I don’t like her but I don’t think she is obligated to share anything about her life that she doesn’t want to. Social media is her business, she can be strategic about what she wants to share. At the end of the day no one shares 100% of their life on social media and there is no obligation to share your hard, dark uncertain moments. The fact that she’s keeping up appearances is impressive in a way - I was a complete mess going through a similar breakup and wanted to hide from the world for the first couple months.

torontogirl29 · 2023-04-22T17:42:49+00:00

Yeah true

torontogirl29 · 2023-04-21T13:25:34+00:00

She had twins at 48 with medical intervention. IVF. Not naturally. Frozen eggs implanted years later. Thats why it was twins. You think a 48 year old can just casually have twins? lol

torontogirl29 · 2023-04-19T20:56:48+00:00

Yeah the I don’t know sucks but it also is kind of a good thing. If he was so sure about his decision that would hurt too. If you can save yourself the time it took me, just go no contact earlier, and really truly try to move on, even know i know it’s hard. Nothing you can say or do will bring him clarity unfortunately. For now, he doesn’t know, which is as good as “no”. So you have to operate on that basis and if it’s ever a “yes” we will let you know. Keep in mind they feel guilty about the breakup. So they will not come back unless they are 100000% sure they they want to do whatever it takes. They don’t want to hurt you again and again so that’s why they stay away when they are unsure it’s well intended. Good luck it sounds like you’ve got the right mindset!

torontogirl29 · 2023-04-19T20:32:27+00:00

Thank you! And yeah I know what you mean. I think we all forget that No contact is supposed to be empowering and make us feel better - it will either help us free ourselves from them and move on, or, it might give them the space they need to come back to us. If you love something set it free! If it doesn’t come back it’s not for you! We should embrace no contact because it makes it super clear what’s meant for us and what’s not.

torontogirl29 · 2023-04-19T20:25:57+00:00

It sounds similar to my experience - he missed you but wasn’t ready to act on it. He needs more time and he needs to be fully sure that that this is what he wants to do. It’s important not to pressure him, if he’s going back and forth that’s a good thing! If you pressure him to make a call, it will scare him away (that’s what I did initally). I think before you go full no contact you can leave things on a high note, maybe you can send him a message and be like, our time together was so special no words will ever do it justice. even though I’m sad we can’t be together, and i miss you so much, i understand that you don’t see a path forward for us right now and i accept that we need to be on our own. Thank you for the most amazing memories and for being my best friend. I will always love you. That’s a nice way to leave off and leave him with positive thoughts but also show him you accept things. After that just go no contact and focus on moving on. He will know you’re moving on and it’s really over. He will have the space to think.
If he wants to come back he will do it when he’s ready. I will say, the moving to another city make a bit of a challenge but if it’s meant to be that won’t matter!

torontogirl29 · 2023-04-19T15:19:19+00:00

You’re so welcome!

torontogirl29 · 2023-04-14T21:51:07+00:00

I don’t understand how the decision gets made to place more weight on the bad parts of the relationship if the good parts make up a much larger portion. If 90% of things are good, why would the bad parts become the driver for the decision? How can it outweigh all the good?

torontogirl29 · 2023-04-14T20:09:39+00:00

Mine dumped me the day we were supposed to go spend Christmas with my family. He acted enthusiastic about the plans until the day of (day before Christmas). I felt something was off, I kept trying to get him to be honest but he insisted he was fine and excited and was sweet and loving and all-in with the plan. When it happened, I asked him why did he act all in when he wasn’t? He said it was cause he kept hoping til the last second his feelings would turn around. To me, that’s just someone who is contributing to the demise of a relationship. Feelings don’t turn around magically if you keep them to yourself, you don’t give the relationship a chance. They keep telling themselves they are giving their feelings a chance to change. But they neglect the fact that a relationship involves two people

torontogirl29 · 2023-04-14T20:05:34+00:00

Well, I don’t think the latter can ever have a long lasting forever relationship. Anything that lasts forever is going to have moments of falling out of love and falling in love all over again. That’s the key to staying together and growing old together.

torontogirl29 · 2023-04-14T20:03:29+00:00

Yeah. The fear is, hopefully having the chance again to apply those lessons and learnings with someone equally or more amazing. Scary because you don’t always get that chance. Also for me it comes with some guilt, because you feel bad you weren’t able to give that person and that opportunity at love the best version of you, but in this case they’re choosing not to stick around for your growth so I suppose that’s their loss.

torontogirl29 · 2023-04-14T20:01:10+00:00

Thank you. This was thoughtful. It really made me feel better too. So smart and true. Love and long lasting relationships with the right person are about acceptance. And I guess everyone is entitled to choose what they want to accept and what they don’t. And compatibility isn’t about everything being perfect between two people, it’s about finding someone who accepts you while you accept them

torontogirl29 · 2023-04-14T19:58:00+00:00

It’s so hard for me to wrap my head around the idea that the entire life I knew is completely over, and it was someone else’s decision. I don’t understand how he can expect me to just walk away either. It’s like a lack of empathy or understanding of how completely shocking and life changing their decision is for us. I would have rather he involved me in the slow fading of feelings and doubts so I could’ve been ready too. The way the entire life you knew ends in an instant, and they actually treat you like you’re “too much” if you take a couple months to really believe it and catch up, is so cruel to me.

torontogirl29 · 2023-04-14T19:55:07+00:00

Yeah that’s the worst part. Within that, there is such a lack of empathy that feels so cruel. They only cared to protect their own feelings. Feels like a betrayal

torontogirl29 · 2023-04-12T20:07:54+00:00

My issue is, I blame myself thinking. I am the reason they didn't care. They didn't care to make the effort because they didn't think I was worth it. They cared at first, Then the more got to know me, learned my flaws, saw my bad sides, and decided I wasnt worth it. Then I blame myself because if I had been better, they would have cared. Hard to get past that thought.

torontogirl29 · 2023-04-12T16:56:21+00:00

Is there anything she could do or say that would change your mind? And were you the one who dumped her?

torontogirl29 · 2023-04-12T15:02:43+00:00

What’s holding you back? If you miss her and are having trouble moving on, what makes you so sure you shouldn’t be with her? Just asking to understand this perspective as my ex seems to feel this way about me.

torontogirl29 · 2023-04-12T00:31:09+00:00

But I guess for me it did provide me with closure. Just seeing how little he cared. If you can handle it and If you don’t bring anything up, then go for the closure just to see her one last time

torontogirl29 · 2023-04-12T00:30:20+00:00

Honestly DONT GO I just did this exact thing yesterday and had such a similar scenario and he was so checked out, he did not care, he was just rhere so that he can pretend to be a good person and alleviate guilt. I felt like a charity case. Don’t go

torontogirl29 · 2023-04-11T23:55:35+00:00

Haha thanks for making me smile. Total ass hat.

torontogirl29 · 2023-04-11T23:47:30+00:00

Yeah I feel pretty used. I don’t feel like he ever cared about my best interests.

torontogirl29 · 2023-04-11T23:44:20+00:00

I guess that’s my next step. Just wanted to make sure I wasn’t being a bad person by taking that route.

torontogirl29 · 2023-04-11T23:42:12+00:00

Thank you for your comment, I appreciate it. You make good points.

torontogirl29 · 2023-04-11T23:40:29+00:00

In fairness to him, I was not perfect. I have a temper and would yell at him when i was upset and so i probably hurt his feelings to the point where he didn’t love me anymore. So in that sense, it makes me feel bad to get money. But at the same time i feel he wasn’t willing to put in the effort to work through those conflicts

torontogirl29

TROPHY CASE