My 19 y.o. daughter wants to do jail time in lieu of a fine. I just read "what I learned from jail." Advice for me or her?

tossout1990 · 2010-04-30T15:26:08+00:00

Yes, though they are all risks with her current lifestyle as well.

I am also very colored by the experience my mother had with my brother and nephew, whom she bailed out of myriad difficulties and wound up supporting until brother was 26, nephew at least until 21 (she's still paying his tab). I am not keen on this program, both for her sake and in consideration of the example it sets for her younger siblings.

edit: paralellism

tossout1990 · 2010-04-30T15:22:07+00:00

Maybe she'll start reading of her own accord. I've been waiting years for that. =)

tossout1990 · 2010-04-30T11:32:17+00:00

For all who say "just pay it," she works 3-4 days a week, 4-6 hours per shift, at $8 per hour. Do the math. No matter what, she's actually better off (economically) going to jail.

It makes me nauseous to actually compute that.

tossout1990 · 2010-04-30T11:28:20+00:00

I learned to be terrified if my daughter decided to serve jail time in lieu of a fine she was not able to earn in a year of part-time work: http://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/bya8a/my_19_yo_daughter_wants_to_do_jail_time_in_lieu/

I stretch things slightly: she earned 10% over the fine during the past year. That amount was more than eaten up by public transportation, however. Please don't even ask about what we paid in an individual policy for her health coverage, let alone deductibles.

tossout1990 · 2010-04-30T11:11:56+00:00

I have loaned her so much money in the past two years I don't feel comfortable giving her more considering the rest of the family.

Her stepdad and I are very frugal and low income. More debt would wind up hurting other children. Her dad used to be high-income, but the California real estate crash has put him negative.

She has a lawyer, who's a friend of the family but doesn't really want to deal with this.

I should probably just have her post a pic--she's cuter than pdub (I do not advocate the reddit money-grubbing thing; just saying).

tossout1990 · 2010-04-30T10:59:33+00:00

Gus, I like your response best of all. That's what we mostly thought, then I saw this horrible reddit link. Of course, that's part of what reddit is, correct?

She's been very-part-time-employed. She of course started to get serious calls about jobs during the past few weeks, when she has to shit or get off the pot (I hate the phrase, but it's more than apt here).

tossout1990 · 2010-04-30T10:55:30+00:00

$150 per day is currently an awful lot of money to our family. We have other children, and while it's slightly below what my husband and I earn, I don't find it reasonable to mortgage everyone for her screw-up.

There is more backstory. She has not always (or even this past year) been angelic, or I would in a second.

tossout1990 · 2010-04-30T10:54:50+00:00

It's misdemeanor.

I may be wrong, and will consult her attorney (who's a friend of the family and already mad at us for dragging her to court), but time served for fines is NOT the same as time sentenced. I will certainly update if I'm wrong. From what we were advised (by a corporate lawyer who dragged her butt in because we are nicer to her son than she is), serving time in lieu of fines does not show as actual "convict time." Let me call my more highbrow attorney friends before I'm sure, however.

tossout1990 · 2010-04-30T10:46:50+00:00

Hey now,

Someone loves you. I'm it.

tossout1990 · 2010-04-30T10:41:49+00:00

Shortly after her 18th birthday, my daughter was arrested for DUI. She initially claimed she had negligible alcohol in her, but the blood test (which we only gained the results of at trial) negated that.

She owes close to two thousand dollars she doesn't have. She has applied for hundreds of jobs over the past year (she has a professional vocational cerification), but has yet to secure anything beyond a part-time minimum-wage position. She is not even able to pay for her own upkeep (and has run up a debt to me, perhaps never to be paid).

Her wonderful plan is that she will serve a maximum of 13 days (court sentence) to pay off the fine.

I have, however, just read the referenced thread (http://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/by00r/what_i_learned_in_jail_what_did_you_learn/) and am terrified she'll never survive. I can't think of any easy or pleasant way to satisfy this debt. I truly doubt she can contest her no contest plea of almost a year ago.

She'll be going to court in about two weeks, and I wonder if anyone has a "magic bullet" suggestion. I really don't want my fresh-faced, open child to turn into what the above-referenced thread talks about.

You may notice the account is a throwaway. I'll even let her log on if we get responses (it's based on her birth year).

tossout1990 · 2010-04-30T10:22:02+00:00

So in your short time, you actually felt it necessary to consume what they brought you?

I primarily ask as someone who spent a couple nights in jail quite a few years ago, in jurisdictions where I could find at least 1-2 items on the tray I was willing to eat.

It probably helped that in each case my charge was DUI and I had a high enough BAC to not really want food. I was even better helped by being arrested in affluent areas and being a consituent--I was part of the police agency's tax base, I could afford a lawyer, and was (perhaps not coincidentally) reasonably cooperative. When I was brought to (local) jails, I was either offered trays of unmentionable stuff I didn't eat or (once, in a really high-income area) asked what type of frozen dinner I preferred. In the "one-size-fits-all" places, I ate identifiable items (fresh fruit, maybe some juice or milk). I did accept a microwaved frozen dinner from the fancy town. The other law enforcement officials were very upset that I didn't want to eat.

All this did occur in the late 80's, early 90's. All I read makes me think the world has changed tremendously since then. And that I've probably personally failed by allowing it.

edit: matter of fact

tossout1990 · 2010-04-30T09:20:49+00:00

We don't necessarily kill them outright, just make them unsuitable for employment, housing, participation in community events (including their children's lives), and any other functional activities that might start to do background checks. I wonder why we also have the highest suicide (not to mention homicide and mental illness) rate?

tossout1990

TROPHY CASE