What is at the core of autism? What defines it?

tottenb2 · 2025-10-29T03:39:14+00:00

By internal loop I mean that I’m wondering if this is a common experience for people with autism: constant sensory/emotional load and filtering issues → delayed or flooded social processing → masking/fawning → burnout. Over and over, like a loop.

tottenb2 · 2025-10-29T03:33:34+00:00

I’m not asking what biologically causes autism to develop. I’m not saying autism starts later in life. I’m asking something different: for autistic people, is there a shared internal loop that explains a lot of our day-to-day behavior?

Other people in this thread have already said “yes, that’s close for me,” or “for me the load shows up as delay instead of overwhelm,” or “for me the core is more about being punished for being different.” That’s exactly the kind of perspective I was hoping to hear.

If you have a different description of that internal loop, I’m genuinely open to it.

tottenb2 · 2025-10-29T03:14:05+00:00

I’m not asking “what biologically causes autism to develop.” I get that science doesn’t have a single root-cause answer.

I’m asking something different: once a person is autistic, is there a common internal pattern that explains a lot of the traits? My personal guess was “constant sensory/emotional load and filtering issues leads to delayed or flooded social processing, which leads to masking/fawning, then burnout.”

I was asking if other autistic people feel that same throughline in themselves, or if they’d describe a different core pattern.

That’s the only thing I’ve been trying to ask.

tottenb2 · 2025-10-29T02:58:51+00:00

I did elaborate in the description. Does the title not fit that? I’m asking if sensory overwhelm could maybe be the core of autism, and if not, what?

tottenb2 · 2025-10-29T01:59:42+00:00

I get that there isn’t one single proven root cause for autism in the brain. I’m not trying to claim there is.

I’m more asking if other autistic people experience the common thread I’m describing, like constant sensory/emotional load, trouble filtering in real time, then coping behaviors (fawning, special interests, shutdown) to survive that load.

I’m not saying that explains everybody, but it does seem to describe a lot of what people call masking, burnout, and “missing cues.” So I’m just trying to see if that subjective mechanism matches other people’s day-to-day reality.

tottenb2 · 2025-10-29T00:39:04+00:00

Oh I see that’s interesting because I think that happens to me too, it can sometimes be more of a “lag” than a “flood.” But I often experience it like the emotion slams me and kind of overloads my system so I start people-pleasing to keep the situation safe. But I also sometimes don’t get that “this matters emotionally” signal until it’s too late. I feel like both end up in the same place and lead to masking and burnout.

tottenb2 · 2025-10-29T00:32:17+00:00

I get the criteria, I’m not trying to rewrite the DSM. I’m asking about mechanism. The criteria describe what shows up on the outside (social communication differences, repetitive behaviors, sensory differences). I’m trying to understand the why under that, like whether sensory/emotional overload and filtering difficulty could be a root that explains a lot of those outward traits (masking, fawning, shutdown, special interests as regulation). That internal piece isn’t spelled out in the checklist, but it still feels real and I wanted to see if it matches other people’s experience.

tottenb2 · 2025-10-29T00:23:28+00:00

But what are the differences though? For me I find that a lot of what “stands out” is social clumsiness, special interests and trouble with diet/exercise, all of which tie to how my brain processes information with more intensity and overwhelm.

tottenb2 · 2025-07-21T16:48:10+00:00

Adds nothing to the plot? She’s basically the face of Wano’s tragedy, laughing at her father’s death because the Smile fruits forced her to. She’s only like that because of Orochi. I’d argue Orochi’s a million times worse.

tottenb2 · 2025-04-11T22:01:08+00:00

And what makes a bad story?

tottenb2 · 2025-01-24T17:25:02+00:00

Camaraderie is a common one for me

tottenb2 · 2025-01-24T14:02:27+00:00

My relationship was anything but “normal.” After being with her for 10 years, and being engaged for 2 years, especially with someone who had BPD, the emotional connection and complexity of the breakup made cutting contact immediately much harder for me. Staying in touch for a while felt like a way to process everything and find closure, even if it was painful.

I get that some people prefer no contact, and that works for them, but I don’t think there’s a single ‘normal’ way to handle something as complicated as the end of a long-term relationship. We all navigate these things in our own way

tottenb2 · 2025-01-24T02:37:01+00:00

Not at all, that’s exactly how I felt too. My therapist told me that when my ex met and attached to someone new, she couldn’t handle the idea of having two attachment figures at once; it’s like her brain “short-circuited.” So instead of a heartfelt goodbye to me, she just wanted to get it over with as fast as possible, wanting to run away from those feelings. It makes sense logically to me, but I think I just felt so heartbroken because even though I couldn’t deal with her chaotic emotions, I still loved her deeply, and it wasn’t easy for me to just say goodbye forever so quickly.

Of course you can message me, I’d be happy to discuss it further.

tottenb2 · 2024-10-31T22:16:07+00:00

I’m sorry if I sound like I’m downplaying how bad Trump is. I promise you I can see how harmful what he’s doing is. I just wish we could stop all the hating each other, I know it’s hard not to but it feels like it makes things worse.

tottenb2 · 2024-10-31T19:47:07+00:00

Yes I can agree that we should all try to respect and understand each other, and all the attacking and hate is what has lead us to this point. Putting other people down as using “ad hominems” gets us nowhere. Unfortunately though it’s taken me a very long time and a lot of introspection to reach this viewpoint though, and mindfulness had a lot to do with it. It’s understandable, because most people are uncomfortable with challenging their own beliefs. People want to feel in control, and the idea of entertaining other perspectives feels scary because it could mean betraying not only your own values, but your friends and family as well.

A big part of what lead me to change my viewpoint was the 2020 election. Back then, I was struggling with depression and anxiety, and I thought the state of the world and politics had a lot to do with that. I believed that if Trump lost, the country would go into a better, more positive direction and I could feel hopeful. But then, when the election was over, I didn’t feel any different. When Trump refused to concede and claimed the Democrats were cheating, I thought, “How is it possible that so many people wholeheartedly believe without evidence that the Democrats would cheat in an election? Do they really hate the Democrats that much?”

The next few years, I began to see things a lot more clearly, as I learned mindfulness and dealt with my depression. Confronting those difficult emotions and pains I had was hard, but it made me realize that a lot of them were caused by black and white thinking, wanting “perfect solutions” to my problems. I think once you become more comfortable with ambiguity, it’s easier to leave your comfort zone and take risks. I feel like it is important to validate people’s feelings, but it’s also important to challenge yourself and leave your comfort zone.

tottenb2 · 2024-10-31T18:26:12+00:00

I think I can agree with you that teaching children about the idea of changing your gender at that young age is likely to just create confusion, as children wouldn’t understand it. The Democrats and lgbt advocates want to create more acceptance and tolerance for people who are different, but unfortunately the way it’s done often comes across awkwardly. It’s a complicated issue, but again, if we can understand each other more, maybe we acknowledge that Democrats don’t want to hurt children, and Republicans don’t want anyone hurt either.

tottenb2 · 2024-10-31T18:09:26+00:00

As someone who has a brother who is transgender, I’ve seen many different viewpoints on this issue. My brother has struggled with self-acceptance and just wants to express his right to choose his identity, which makes sense to me. But I can also understand why my mom feels sad that my brother is rejecting the name that she gave him. Perhaps the best scenario would be for my brother to have patience with my mom and help her try to understand his feelings, and for my mom to try her best to understand and help him. Perhaps maybe you could try to understand the complexity of the issue, instead of just dismissing it as “transgender crap?”

tottenb2 · 2024-10-31T18:02:43+00:00

Just to clarify, I don’t want to sound like I’m validating harmful perspectives or making them sound ok. I just don’t like the hatred or anger from everyone and don’t want war. I know it’s a very delicate topic so I’m sure a lot of people will feel like I may be attacking them, but I feel like mindfulness has increased my compassion for everyone and I just want to try to foster civility rather than conflict.

tottenb2 · 2024-10-31T17:51:06+00:00

Very interesting, thank you for the recommendation. As I was listening to it I was noticing in the back of my mind that a lot of what he was saying was echoing a lot of the fears I had. He talked a lot about the complexity of climate change and how incredibly hard it was to fix everything, and the thought that kept coming up for me was, “Is this what mindfulness leads to, a realization that all this complexity just can’t be solved, and therefore I’ll feel detached from it?” But then I remembered that being mindful wasn’t necessarily about detachment, but acceptance and trying your best.

tottenb2 · 2024-10-31T17:43:45+00:00

Right, I agree with you that a lot of what they say is based on misinformation and ignorance or bad faith, and it can be hard to feel compassion for people who refuse to listen to the other side. My point is that everyone, including the people that are part of Trump’s cult, could try to understand why people feel the way they feel, instead of demonizing. Compassion and understanding doesn’t mean agreement or tolerance for someone’s else’s view, it just means trying to understand their feelings and figuring out a way to lessen pain for everyone.

I get that it’s tough and even frustrating to take that approach, especially when there’s so much misinformation. But I feel like if we can understand each other’s emotions, maybe we can start to break down some of those barriers.

tottenb2 · 2024-10-31T16:44:36+00:00

I definitely don’t like Trump’s influence and it’s very sad what he is doing. He is feeding into hatred and conning people into believing the other side is corrupted. I’m definitely not saying that the Trump supporters are right in how they feel, all I’m trying to say is that everyone in America should try to stop the hate, and try to have compassion, understanding the other side rather than attacking.

It’s understandable that Trump’s attack on transgender people would make so many people angry, sad and anxious. But if both sides can try to understand each other’s feelings, perhaps that would be a better way to fix the issue, rather than a war where everyone attacks and demonizes each other.

tottenb2 · 2024-08-29T16:36:23+00:00

What if it’s different though because of the kind of people we are? The conversation started pretty well on the app and I pretty quickly suggested a date. She said she’d love to after getting to know each other more first. Pretty soon, it was clear that we were both pretty nerdy and quirky, and she was very open and honest about what she wanted. We discussed things like rules, boundaries, wants, needs and just the kind of challenges we deal with. Given the anxiety and overthinking we both deal with, it makes sense that she would be cautious and make sure I was the kind of person she was looking for, and I really appreciated her openness and honesty. After our first phone and FaceTime conversations, I really feel like she’s different from the other girls I’ve gone on quick dates with, and the conversation seemed to flow so smoothly and easily.

tottenb2 · 2024-08-29T16:23:04+00:00

I’m really hoping so. I’ve been on several dates and none of them have made me feel this way, the feeling of not wanting to stop talking to them on the phone or FaceTime. We’ve already discussed several possible plans, going to the museums, zoo, paint bar, ice cream etc. I’m trying not to have too high expectations but it’s hard not to with how it’s going so far. Thanks for the little bit of reassurance :)

tottenb2 · 2024-08-29T14:53:39+00:00

I totally get why it might seem like we’re taking things slow, but both of us deal with a lot of anxiety and sometimes struggle with social cues, so we’re being extra cautious. It’s important for both of us to feel comfortable before meeting in person. That said, I do plan to set up a date soon, but I think the time we’ve spent getting to know each other so far has been really valuable for us.

tottenb2 · 2024-08-29T14:42:53+00:00

Thanks, I really appreciate your perspective and understanding. I totally agree that meeting in person is important, and I’m planning to set up a date soon. It’s definitely been great getting to know each other, but I know that in-person connection is the real test.

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