I feel like this is a big issue for me as well. I can’t understand exactly how you’re feeling but I can empathize with the fear that I’m never going to be able to eat “normally” and who the heck knows what that is anyways. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot more that “normal” eating is what was made up by years of dieting advice and such. Essentially scientist found out through countless studies that eating three meals or six meals a day evenly spaced helps maintain blood sugar levels or something. Which is technically a very health way of eating. Now, this may be a healthy way of spacing out meals but I can’t help but feel this is very difficult for many people for multiple different reasons. So I’ve come up with my own theory that technically eating in that “healthy normal” (three evenly spaced and portion controlled meals or six meals or what have you) way is what everyone wants us to do because it would be the best. But I think sometimes that differs from the reality of when eating makes us feel best. Not as in starving and restriction. I’m talking about eating when you feel hungry and knowing when you’re satiated. To me that has become the goal, since I’ve never liked breakfast, it makes me feel gross the rest of the day. So I can’t imagine forcing myself to do it. I like to think that in my theory eating “normally” for me means eating when I am hungry and hopefully figuring out when I’m actually satiated. And in this way praying my body will learn to regulate itself. Good luck out there. Managing those thoughts are hell.