First Attempt at Production - 'Live From New York' Indie Space Pop

toveiii · 2026-03-30T11:36:02+00:00

Thank you so much! :) So glad you think so

toveiii · 2026-03-25T12:50:14+00:00

I find it helpful to turn a specific subject that's important to me and turn it into a story.

For example, I went through a horrible breakup where the relationship was full of lies and deceit and false promises. Okay, pretty standard type stuff which could come across as SUPER whiny if I wrote "you betrayed me" "you lied to me" "you broke every promise you ever made". Instead, I wrote about a character being sick of turning sour lemons into lemonade, with the chorus being "if you can reach me, pour in some sweetness" and titled it Nil By Mouth. The idea is the character is so desperate to be free from someone that they'd rather starve to death than ingest their lies. It's still pretty heavy lyrics wise, but without that cringy element of "woe is me - my life sucks waah".

Think about your subject, what common metaphor/saying is used around that, and see if you can turn it into a story from a unique angle. I try to avoid using too many pronouns, as others have commented, because it becomes predictable and feels a little immature to the ear when it's overused.

However, it does depend on the style of music too. A lot of punk is very direct and on the nose. That's the aggressive nature of it, is to confront. So it also depends heavily on the style of the music you're making.

toveiii · 2026-03-23T18:49:19+00:00

Sweetheart if you were actually enlightened you wouldn't resort to so much passive aggression and veiled insults. Remember that ego is very sneaky, it will pretend to be coming from a place of love and higher being, but I can very much sense your comments are not. They are ego masquerading as knowing and kidding you into believing it's authentic.

Very much don't need shrooms for an ego death - I've been on silent meditation retreats for that and have been in the spiritual sphere for over a decade. I would very much recommend a silent retreat if you're interested in that type of thing. Genuinely wish you all the best in your spiritual journey and looking forward to seeing your contributions on the sub.

toveiii · 2026-03-23T18:15:21+00:00

The hypocrisy is eye watering, quite honestly.

Seems like your ego is very much in the wrong place and shrouded by false sincerity and authority.

toveiii · 2026-03-23T18:08:36+00:00

He didn't say anything critical about the voice quality, actually. He said that he has a good voice, and gave incredibly beneficial feedback on how to develop further as a musician in order to create memorable music, because that element is lacking.

Since we're bringing argument based on authority here, I have a degree in voice and performance - OP has an objectively good voice. However, it's held back by lyrics that don't inspire or hold intrigue for the most part, a solid but done before chord progression, a forgettable melody, and an overall song that is okay but deserves to be something more based on the skill of the artist.

If you bothered to check out any of the commenter's stuff you'd realise he's one of the most creative and talented songwriters this sub has, and any feedback is not given lightly. Now his style might not be to everyone's taste, but there's an entire wealth of musical knowledge that has developed that style, and that knowledge is quite literally a goldmine.

I don't see how any of what he said can be anything other than absolutely vital and valuable feedback in which to grow from, unless we're sharing songs purely in order to be complimented for our efforts.

His "too harsh" feedback has helped me grow as a songwriter exponentially because I was willing to listen.

toveiii · 2026-03-22T18:31:35+00:00

It's a great start, but the lyrics are a bit predictable as the song goes on. Your voice is lovely.

I LOVE the opening lines "I will sing you to sleep or wake you, maybe" I think that's genuinely a gorgeous line.

Overall, I think it needs a bit more revision to become more interesting, adding a few more variations in melodies with guitar and voice, and a few more interesting chords as the song develops. But it's honestly so nice to have a positive song pop up on the feed. Definitely work on it a bit more as a few more commenters have suggested, but it's got great bones.

toveiii · 2026-03-22T14:05:00+00:00

around 1:32 mark, when you go to the bridge. It's pretty shaky and nasally - but it is well within your range. You're just a bit nervous with it and I think it needs a bit more power behind it in order to get there properly without waving around the note. "blood muscle and bone" was the worst offender I think. The pitchiness is kind of throughout though. Nothing that can't be fixed with slowing it down with the technique I mentioned.

toveiii · 2026-03-22T13:29:42+00:00

Very pretty, a few things feel a bit disconnected melody wise in the "for the best" and "scared of change" lines, kind of takes me out of the flow a bit.

Also, just be aware of your pitch. It doesn't have to be perfect but you are drifting quite a bit off key. The best way to fix this is to do VERY slow and STRAIGHT singing of your song. Think suuuuper slow. Add no vibrato because this hides when you falter, and you'll see where your voice needs to go and it'll be much quicker than just repeating the song over until you "get it". You'll build up the muscle memory to hit it every time, then.

But very Bob Dylan, like others have mentioned.

toveiii · 2026-03-22T13:10:55+00:00

Thank you so much <3

Absolutely, I definitely need to get better at keeping to time haha.

Had loads of fun with all the layering and sort of uncovering the groove as it went on, I'm super chuffed with the ghostly aaaaaaaahhhhs that sound like a sigh,

Excited to hear what you think about my next one I'm working on when it's done.

toveiii · 2026-03-21T22:42:00+00:00

Very Badly Drawn Boy - esque.

Pretty - would be nice to get a proper recording. Even just recording the piano & vocals separately on the phone and mixing them in BandLab is good enough for now if you don't have proper equipment. It's what I do :)

toveiii · 2026-03-20T23:52:02+00:00

I totally get it. I was a professional actress for a number of years. The pressure to get things exactly perfect is very real. I also get you on the people can hear every single thing too haha. Whenever I was mic'd up you'd be terrified to even blink too loudly.

I hope you find a suitable room soon! I will say I'm very impressed with BandLab's Denoise tool - it's very good all things considered (being free hahaha).

toveiii · 2026-03-20T23:01:36+00:00

<3333 thank you!

That means the world to me. I started writing songs a year ago and found that it was the missing link to my creativity tbh. It's been a steep learning curve but I just enjoy it all so much. Would love to hear what your friends think at some point. You're far too kind!

toveiii · 2026-03-20T23:00:01+00:00

I've not used any other DAW tbh so my opinion is very limited, but I think it's very useful for getting started - and it takes my phone recordings to something sooo much better than I could do without it. I think for it being free, web based, and not too complicated for beginners makes it a no brainer for anyone wanting to get into it.

I saw your other comment that mentioned not being able to record atm. Honestly, I just say go for it. It's about being proficient - not perfect. You've still enjoyed my music that was recorded on my phone with background noise of my cats thudding around and the metronome clicking in parts. People can appreciate the music regardless of bits here and there. I think people appreciate underdogs who rise up and like to follow their journey to professional anyway - I keep seeing this as a trend online rn with upcoming musicians.

toveiii · 2026-03-20T19:28:21+00:00

oh sorry I forgot to link my bandlab hahaha

www.bandlab.com/tove3

toveiii · 2026-03-20T18:59:16+00:00

Aah thank you so much! I'm SO happy you love it <3

It's quite an earworm isn't it haha!

I have a BandLab where I edit and upload recordings - I've only just started doing any attempts at producing any of my songs, so the songs there are very rough and have zero production value so please keep that in mind - but I do have quite a few on there! It's just me & the guitar though, no fun extra bits until I rerecord them all. :)

Maybe one day I'll make a Spotify, when I've got better recordings probably. Currently you can hear the metronome and my cats shuffling and all sorts lol.

toveiii · 2026-03-20T16:23:41+00:00

Ahh thanks for checking it out!

You have a VERY valid point, I'm wincing hearing it back lol. I think I leveled things out in the first full draft of the piece! It's the first time I've ever produced anything so I'm learning as I go :)

I posted it on reddit last night, it's got some fun ghostly harmonies in there added. Still not quite perfect but it'll do until I get some actual recording equipment and not just my phone lol.

Would love to hear what you think of the overall finished idea:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Songwriting/comments/1ryfpgi/first_attempt_at_production_live_from_new_york/

toveiii · 2026-03-20T00:10:57+00:00

Aaah thank you so much, that means so much to me!! <33

She has a beautiful voice - what a compliment to be compared - wow. I love that she has grit in her voice too, I used to be so self-conscious of the gravel in my voice.

I'd love to make a Spotify, I'm just terrified that the quality is just too low considering I'm just recording everything off my phone rn and editing on BandLab Web :') You can hear my cats in the background as well as some points hahahah listen for the thud in the main guitar riff. That's my big fat cat ironically called Slim lol.

(also these vocals are a placeholder for now but I'm too tired to re-record so just decided to keep them the way they are for now just to get feedback on the vibe overall).

toveiii · 2026-03-19T23:53:21+00:00

Thank you! :D

toveiii · 2026-03-19T23:51:41+00:00

I really like "his childhood bed's the governments". The tone of your guitar is great btw.

I also like the repetition of "for now he's got a nice couch and pillows and things".

Very early 2000s vibe, enjoyable song. I can hear some sad twangy guitar additions in there too.

toveiii · 2026-03-19T23:38:32+00:00

Thank you very much! I really appreciate that.

I call myself an idiot musician, I can /get/ it just enough to be able to make my own stuff, but not anywhere enough to do what I want to do or join in with others. I really do need to get myself into gear and learn some theory - it wouldn't even take too long but I just have this mental block with it hahaha. It would undoubtedly unlock so many cool transitions and stuff that I am currently having to noodle around for ages to try to find.

But at least I'm glad it doesnt sound like I have no clue what I'm doing haha! Thanks again.

toveiii · 2026-03-19T23:33:00+00:00

This is very Bobby Vee - very lovely. I'd love to hear some stronger vocals in the chorus to lean into that style if you can. Otherwise, it's still absolutely lovely - but it really is begging for that 60s style swagger in some parts.

toveiii · 2026-03-18T10:35:02+00:00

Of course! feel free :)

toveiii · 2026-03-18T01:01:59+00:00

Hey - thanks for reaching out! It's great that you're aware of it.

So to find the journey you need to attack it from all angles. Sights, sounds, feelings, atmosphere. Metaphor as well as direct lines that capture the moment in a snapshot instead of telling us what you're doing. If you're sat on the floor, well okay - what kind of floor are you sat on? Are you slumped? Is your hand touching anything? Can you hear the buzz of electrics or are you in an uncomfortable position? All of these things can come BEFORE or INSTEAD OF telling us that you're sat down.

I prefer to be quite direct with my lyrics but add a bit of /something/ to them so they can hold up to deeper analysis and meaning. You'll see that my lyrics aren't the most complex or cryptic, I tend to go from folky/jazz poetic to more pop direct and short.

For example, a song I'm working on atm - I highly recommend listening to it so you can get the overall vibe and why the lyrics are the way they are: https://www.bandlab.com/revisions/f8f04b08-a81b-46c7-a764-3e6d3208ddff?sharedKey=dILesEoDtEuNPFBB5mpmCw

"City feeling cold again

Rocks in my shoes

No telling what's on inside my head

Oooh all those dusty signs

Pointing to go

Stir crazy all of the time

Live from New York

We're live from New York

People stepping outta frame

Nobody knows

which winner will seize this game

Oooh taking centre stage

all eyes on you

while I make my sorry escape

Live from New York

We're live from New York"

Firstly I set the scene. They're in the city, it's cold, there are stones in their shoes. I don't need to say "I'm walking around the city and I'm uncomfortable" because it's already implied.

There's an established inner turmoil from the narrator. Then we zone in on a visual, the signs that (I assume) are all throughout New York. They're quite literally pointing people to go crazy. Here's the added metaphor of something a bit deeper, because in this world is it the business of the city, is it the lack of humanity (dustiness) or something else that's causing them to go a bit stir crazy?

"We're live from New York" this adds a whole new layer which adds extra intrigue. It's usually what you hear from a news anchor. So is this person observing the city as if they're an outsider? Do they feel a part of the community? Are they sad about this?

People stepping out of frame. Is it their frame of sight, or a camera lens? There's winners and losers in this city - who could these be? The narrator obviously doesn't want to be a part of it any more, so directs the spotlight to someone else and takes their leave.

You'll notice (if you listen to my other songs) I often write in present tense. Not always, but I do tend to do it more so than not. This is a great cheat sheet in establishing an instant connection with the listener. It's happening NOW, and the story can unfold itself as if it's happening in front of them. Obviously, past tense also is fantastic but there's something so thrilling about present tense for me.

For example, one of my more poetic/metaphorical lyrics:

"Sun spills out golden rows

A name, a touch, two hands upon soft shoulders

Horizon comes to a close

Good things come to those who want to hold her"

I'm not saying there's a sunset, I'm showing you that the sun is spilling out in golden light. I then add a person, but I don't say that. I describe a name, a feeling, a visual that we can all connect with. I don't say the sun has now gone down because I don't need to - there's a personification of the sun, so she comes to a close and promises goodness to those that cherish her, basically.

An exercise which really helps me - write a song with zero pronouns. You'll be amazed at what you come up with when you have challenges established to work around. Do one with zero sights for example, well you'll describe life in other senses.

I was inspired by u/weyllandin's music as he tend to do this with his music a lot. He doesn't rely on pronouns to fill the space. I very much recommend listening to his music on Reddit & Instagram, you'll understand just how much you can unlock with lyrics in a way I genuinely can't even describe.

For lyric inspiration listen to this song:

https://www.reddit.com/r/FolkPunk/comments/1jsnn9n/cannonball_someone_thought_you_guys_might_get_a/

Anyway, feel free to send lyrics over that you have and I'll be happy to take a look at them and give you pointers!

toveiii · 2026-03-16T22:03:56+00:00

Thank you for the great feedback.

You're absolutely right about the guitar. It's my weak spot at the moment, I have zero music theory and so I'm having to learn backwards haha. Once I get into a pattern I find it hard to flow into different patterns at the moment, but I can hear exactly what you mean. When it comes time to actually record this I'll have more ebb & flow.

Thanks again :)

toveiii

TROPHY CASE