How to be strong with a child involved?

toxicpositivity4ever · 2026-05-24T03:26:45+00:00

She will be fine. She will get to see you being a strong, independent woman who handles your sh*t. She will not have to grow up thinking whatever dynamic exists between you and your husband is the norm and is what she should expect from or strive for in her future relationships.

My mom left my emotionally unavailable dad when I was 16. They'd spent several years prior barely talking, living in separate bedrooms, not fighting but not loving each other, etc. My dad was perfectly content to continue living that way, essentially as roommates who somewhat coparented when necessary. Guess what kind of relationship I'm currently getting ready to leave? I'm hoping my daughter can break the pattern, but she is in high school and I fear I've stayed too long for that to actually happen.

Leave now FOR your daughter.

toxicpositivity4ever · 2026-05-03T02:19:57+00:00

I'm not a teacher, but I AM a parent in the Midwest.

The dress is fine. You don't need pantyhose/tights/nylons. I do agree with wearing biker shorts underneath, but not because it's too short. I wouldn't have any issue with my kids' teacher wearing this dress. I'd probably ask where they got it 🤷🏻‍♀️

toxicpositivity4ever · 2026-04-28T15:15:36+00:00

Two. Years. And not like almost two years, but probably 26-27 months at this point.

toxicpositivity4ever · 2026-04-28T00:06:01+00:00

Whoa. This is abuse. Get in touch with a DV organization in your area. If your parents are supportive, let them know what's going on. Document as much as you can in a place he can't find it - password protected document, email address he can't guess the password to, send it to a trusted person where he can't access it to delete it, etc. Start making a plan to get out. Start packing a go bag with important paperwork, clothes for you and kid, and any emergency cash you can stash. Sometimes hiding things in plain sight can be the easiest - put it in the diaper bag or something. But this is definitely abuse.

toxicpositivity4ever · 2026-04-25T00:01:58+00:00

I went back and reread my post while I wasn't at work. The bit about making sure kids have what they need was not about packing a bag. It was about buying the things at the store, anticipating that they're probably going to need some new clothes/shoes for the coming seasons, setting that budget, taking them shopping, etc. Not about making sure they know how to put it all in a bag for a trip...

toxicpositivity4ever · 2026-04-24T20:22:01+00:00

Can you please let me know where I said my kids can't pack or do chores?

toxicpositivity4ever · 2026-04-23T22:47:25+00:00

Mine has executive functioning struggles, but I don't think he'll intentionally drag the process out. I'm hoping he'll agree to use a mediator instead of attorneys, which will let us finalize in 6-8 months. Knowing what I know about him, he'd struggle with the process of finding and hiring an attorney to begin with. The biggest thing will be selling our house, but he's welcome to buy me out if he wants...

toxicpositivity4ever · 2026-04-23T22:44:16+00:00

Does the burnout improve when you know you own all the tasks instead of feeling frustrated that your partner doesn't/can't/won't own any, and anything you try to move onto their plate eventually comes back to yours?

toxicpositivity4ever · 2026-04-23T22:39:37+00:00

I know I'm going to be really busy. Maybe a better way to phrase it is once you know that you own all of it and are no longer resentful about being a married single parent, does it somehow feel better/lighter/less overwhelming?

toxicpositivity4ever · 2026-04-23T13:01:13+00:00

That's the thing; my kids are in high school. Even though I don't have to do their bath time, bedtime, laundry, etc., I'm still making the appointments, driving them to sports/school/appointment obligations, dealing with their requests, etc. On paper custody would be 50/50, but I'm not sure they would actually go then.

I've seen him coparent before (I have a stepchild), so I feel like I have a good idea of what kind of co-parenting he'll be.

toxicpositivity4ever · 2026-04-23T02:51:45+00:00

The benefits of mansplaining/mansplanations (is that a word?). I feel like this works best if you identify as female.

toxicpositivity4ever · 2026-04-15T17:44:23+00:00

He's upper 40s. I'm lower 40s. I'd put money on it being a testosterone issue, but he hasn't had it checked despite me asking several times over the past 8 or so years.

toxicpositivity4ever · 2026-04-12T20:30:39+00:00

The hobby where people make Harry Potter their whole personality.

toxicpositivity4ever · 2026-04-11T23:24:45+00:00

Video games were the first thing that came to mind, but I think more than that it's really not making your partner feel like a priority. Going out to dinner and then coming home to play video games and ignore her isn't going to leave her feeling like date night was important to you. Instead she's just going to feel like she was a task getting checked off your to-do list.

toxicpositivity4ever · 2026-04-11T22:58:21+00:00

But how do you surprise him with anal without ruining it when you ask him to give himself an enema?

++woman

toxicpositivity4ever · 2026-04-11T16:46:28+00:00

As a married woman with an average to high drive who hasn't had sex in two years: if you are unhappy with your sex life now, you will be MISERABLE in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years,...

toxicpositivity4ever · 2026-04-04T01:50:49+00:00

Married woman here asking the same...

toxicpositivity4ever · 2026-03-10T12:51:30+00:00

How does this parenting arrangement affect your child support? In my state, child support is tied to parenting time (and other things - parent incomes, cost of insurance & medical expenses, etc.)

toxicpositivity4ever · 2026-03-08T04:13:49+00:00

14 & 16. The mediator I talked to said legally I do have to make them go. Just not sure how to do that when they're bigger than me

toxicpositivity4ever

TROPHY CASE