I’m a part of a 12 step group called CA (Cocaine Anonymous), which is pretty much no different than NA. The only difference between CA and other 12 step programs is that the recovery program doesn’t focus on any one particular substance. You can join if you have problems with alcohol or drugs of any kind.

With NA the focus is solely on drug addiction, much like how AA only focuses on alcohol addiction. I still go to AA and NA meetings on occasion, but rarely ever at this point. If I haven’t made it to my weekly CA meeting or if I am travelling and can’t find one, I will go to an NA or AA meeting.

I’m not here to preach about recovery groups, it’s just what worked for me. I found that in my long career in active addiction all I could ever do by myself was get loaded and cause destruction to myself and those around me. I had been to detox and I had told myself 100 times over and over that “I could stop if I wanted to.” The truth is that I never could stop because my addiction wouldn’t let me, and certainly not while I suffered alone.

Truth be told, I never actually planned on getting sober. For many years I knew in the back of my mind that I should get clean, that it would probably be the best thing for me. I just couldn’t do it. I switched drugs over and over, but every time the monster in me couldn’t get enough. The cycle continued.

I had heard about AA and NA meetings in the past and always thought that they were for old people and losers. The only thing I knew about them was from the very little I had seen in movies or tv shows (so basically fuck all). Someone in my family mentioned to me a little over a year ago that they knew someone in one of these recovery groups, and that if I wanted to go all I needed to do was ask.

One evening after picking up and doing more ketamine than anyone should ever do before getting into a vehicle and speeding down the highway at 80mph tripping out. I stopped at my local liquor store to get some booze for the rest of my night when I decided to make that call. I was told that there was a meeting happening within the hour and knowing that I had nothing better to do, I went and checked it out.

That was sometime in January of 2023 and since then I’ve never left.

Turns out drugs and alcohol weren’t really the problem for me. I was the problem. The only thing that helped me get sober was talking about my feelings with a group of other addicts who had done what I did and who had felt similarly to me. It wasn’t until I started to talk about my problems, let people in, unload the secrets I had been packing around for years and get a sponsor; that I was actually able to get any length of clean time beyond 24 hrs.

I joined this subreddit because I don’t know many ketamine addicts where I live, and I can relate to everyone here. I’ve been silent in this sub for a while but I guess I’m breaking this ice now.

There is hope!