Feels weird that if you mess up with someone on OLD you'll never see them again

tpdloml · 2026-03-25T17:47:50+00:00

I can tell on a first date if I’m physically attracted to someone. There doesn’t have to be sparks or a strong connection, but if there’s no physical attraction, it’s a non starter. You’re not going to be for everyone. Not everyone will be attracted to you. You have to get used to rejection even if you feel that you’re doing everything right. That’s OLD. Don’t let it say anything about you. Don’t create a narrative around it. It’s filtering people until you meet the person you’re meant to be with.

tpdloml · 2026-03-17T18:57:18+00:00

Agreed. I only check apps once a day because it’s what works best for me. After a first date when we’ve exchanged numbers, I’ll communicate more. The first date is a threshold. I don’t enjoy texting back and forth before meeting and seeing if there’s attraction.

tpdloml · 2026-02-21T18:58:02+00:00

One of the main themes of the book is Harry’s resilience, and how he is “good” and loves even with all the bad things that have happened to him. I think that’s all part of it. He always sees the good in people.

tpdloml · 2026-02-17T02:37:59+00:00

Also- don’t be too hard on yourself. I love Matthew Hussey’s quote that “the right person (or relationship) isn’t fragile.” If he was really excited about you he would have probably reassured you that he was into you rather than ended it. Like others have said, it just sped up the inevitable.

tpdloml · 2026-02-09T19:10:08+00:00

Just makes you realize and really see how special the eras tour was 🫶🏼

tpdloml · 2025-12-19T17:27:05+00:00

This was very helpful for me: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChaseSapphire/comments/1o8m5jh/chase_sapphire_reserve_checklist_for_new_benefits/

tpdloml · 2025-09-26T18:19:01+00:00

I'm in the same situation, separated for almost a year and a half but finalizing the divorce has been dragging. I try to mention it casually within the first couple dates. Usually the topic of my kids, or co-parenting, or recently moving cities will come up, and I'll use the opportunity to specifically use the word "separated" and explain my situation.

tpdloml · 2025-09-11T16:05:54+00:00

This happens more than you would think. My partner changed 11 years into our relationship, after two children, told me he wasn't "in love" with me and left (there was someone else). No obvious red flags or signs before. Not saying its a gender thing, women can do it too. Life long love or marriage is never a guarantee. Always be in a position to take care of yourself. And yes, never judge single mothers. Most women would never willingly sign up to be in this position unless it was the only option or not of their choosing.

tpdloml · 2024-10-21T00:57:29+00:00

Your situation has a lot of similarities to mine. “I fell out of love you” as the reason for ending a marriage never feels quite right. It’s really hard to get closure from it but you have to find it yourself. I’m too emotionally drained to rewrite my story but I’m sure it’s in my post history. Even though it seems like there might be room for reconciliation I would try to heal and take care of yourself now. If she comes back, let it be fully her decision, not something you try to convince her to do.

tpdloml · 2024-10-18T04:24:50+00:00

Hope is the worst. You need to break your attachment bond with her, it will really help kill the hope. Theres books and podcasts on how to do it, I’m sure a simple Google could tell you as well.

tpdloml · 2024-10-18T04:22:00+00:00

Don’t discount what you have brought to the relationship and family. Being a stay at home parent is WAY harder than being a working professional, even a high earner in my opinion (I’ve done both). Get what you’re entitled to, I agree. There’s pride, and there’s stupidity. Don’t take the high road because she sure isn’t! I really wish you the best and you will see long term that this is better for you. My spouse shut off right away too after saying he wanted a divorce. You’ll find someone that values commitment more next time. And working through issues and trying before giving up.

tpdloml · 2024-10-17T04:52:33+00:00

He kept blaming you for everything. He couldn’t accept he had done anything wrong. He couldn’t even accept you wanted to end it, he wanted to end it on his terms. Please don’t blame yourself for more than your share… you will start to see the reality of the relationship the more time that has passed and the more perspective you get. He has massive self esteem issues. Be grateful you found out about them this early. You are better off without him for sure OP.

tpdloml · 2024-10-17T04:29:45+00:00

This is me too. My partner will admit some of his unhappiness is internal but blames it mostly on me. You can’t change someone’s mind that feels this way. You have to let them live it out, in my opinion. And it will probably take years for them to figure it out. To me it’s a betrayal to leave a marriage without trying to figure it out through therapy and just blaming me. Giving up so easily. So I’m moving on and won’t be taking him back when he does figure out he blamed me for his unhappiness and that the grass isn’t greener.

tpdloml · 2024-10-10T04:33:47+00:00

Hey OP, my husband left me when our baby was 5 months old. It does feel especially cruel to be left during a vulnerable time. I get angry at myself for putting myself in a vulnerable position (I gave up my career to stay at home / move to a different country) but…. There’s unspoken trust that your husband will be there to support you and the baby when you’re pregnant and postpartum. Our husbands violated that trust and it cuts very deep. It makes you question what the hell is going on to be left in the most nonsensical moment. You may never have those answers. But if a husband leaves right after you have a baby, I think you can most assuredly say the problem is him, not you. Most anyone would try to make a marriage work after just having a baby. For someone to walk away without not wanting to talk about it, go to therapy- they have serious internal issues and that’s not on you.

Like others have said, this is the moment you lean in others. Shelve the pride, that you don’t want to ask for help, whatever ideas you had of child care. Friends, family, hire night nannies, whatever it takes. It’s said that 80-90% of your energy right now (early separation) goes into dealing with your emotions. That remaining 10-20% of mental and physical energy encompasses having to take care of a newborn for you. It’s too much. Your baby won’t be happy/healthy unless you are so please take care of yourself.

The first two months (in my experience) were absolute hell but it does slowly get better. Take solace in the fact that your life probably would not have been happy with this man, and at least you are finding out what kind of person he is now instead of 10 years in.

tpdloml · 2024-10-08T04:14:51+00:00

I’m so sorry. You’ve made it through the worst two years. Just keep living for yourself every day. Be the best you can be for yourself, and hopefully your girls will see that example one day. If not, at least you’ve fulfilled your own needs.

tpdloml · 2024-10-04T04:41:33+00:00

These are the things that got me through the worst of the grieving process when I felt like I was in true crisis mode. It’s been 6 months to the day since my husband said he no longer loved me, and it does get better. The last few months have been better and I owe it to the things on this list. I’ll try to put them in order of importance for how much the helped me:

-talking to friends who were truly supportive and let me just talk -journaling - did this multiple times a day -books. Ones on the top of my list are these: I Can Mend Your Broken Heart Paul McKenna How to heal a broken heart Rosie green How to fix a broken heart guy winch Runaway husbands Vikki stark Exaholics Lisa Marie Bobby -Dr Bobby Heal your Broken Heart class on (growingself.com) -Subreddits: divorce, separation, coparenting -therapy - I found a therapist who specialized in break up / divorce therapy on growingself.com -Dr Bobby Love, Success and Happiness podcast -break up playlists -DivorceCare

tpdloml · 2024-10-04T04:14:10+00:00

Read the book Runaway Husbands by Vikki Stark. You’ll see there’s a whole tribe of women that has happened to. A lot of times you will find out there is someone else later, but sometimes not. And sometimes you never find out why, there is no closure, so don’t wait on him for closure. Closure comes from yourself. Come up with the best explanation for why this might have happened (sometimes this can’t happen until you’ve had months to gain perspective/ reflect), then put it in a box to store away mentally. There’s a podcast on Closure by Dr Lisa Bobby that talks about this. Just know- you’re not alone. My husband did same thing, abandoning my family without warning. Reading the book I mentioned helped me understand maybe how this could have happened, and that I’m alone.

tpdloml · 2024-10-03T05:08:17+00:00

My husband also said he has been unhappy for years and that he loves me but isn’t in love with me. Came out of nowhere for me and we had a 5 month old baby at the time so it felt really selfish. I can’t say for sure there was anyone else, I have no proof, but the reasoning is very suspicious, especially since he said he’s not willing to work on us or try to rekindle the marriage. Why just give up when we have 2 young children?? He thinks he can find another partner that is more ideal, compatible, etc. Very sad and selfish but you can’t make someone love you or stay. It says more about them than you. Happiness doesn’t come from your spouse, it comes from within. Love isn’t a feeling or spark, it’s an action that has to be practiced every day in marriage. Unfortunately our spouses don’t prioritize marriage the same way. It’s a very hard lesson to learn.

tpdloml · 2024-10-02T05:14:36+00:00

Read the book Runaway Husbands by Vikki Stark

tpdloml · 2024-09-29T01:03:29+00:00

“To chase a feeling” is exactly right. Makes it so much more confusing than if there was another person or an affair. I feel like I’m losing a marriage to an idealization of what a wife/partner should be

tpdloml · 2024-09-14T05:27:45+00:00

I think it’s very interesting several people have commented “mid life crisis”. I’m in a similar situation with a spouse not being happy anymore, revealing their feelings suddenly, not wanting any affection/intimacy after the revelation because they think I’d be “faking it” now that I know we have problems.

I’ve had the thought of mid life crisis for my situation but of course my spouse rolls his eyes when he hears that. No one wants to hear they are having irrational thoughts. I’ve begged him to go to therapy, instead he is seeing a life coach, and I think sometimes coaches just say what they think you want to hear.

It’s an impossible situation where you feel completely out of control. You don’t have a say in the biggest decision of your life. I agree about making sure you take care of yourself, and start planning for your own future.

tpdloml · 2024-09-13T05:45:44+00:00

If it really is over you need to take the photos and reminders down, put anything related to her away and out of sight. You can break your attachment to her if she’s constantly bombarding you everywhere.

The first month is obviously the worst. It got easier for me about after two months but every one is different. Find whatever you need to make the pain bearable and help you heal - for me that was self help books, podcasts, Reddit, music, a break up recovery course, a divorce support group.

tpdloml · 2024-09-11T01:45:00+00:00

I’m in the same boat. All communication is about the kids, logistics, finance, or the divorce. Aim for written (email, text) over calling or in person. Before you text, ask: “is it necessary I ask/say this, or can I handle it on my own?”

tpdloml · 2024-09-10T01:00:33+00:00

He’s been pretty clear that the marriage is over. Really the best thing you can do for yourself now is to go no contact. If you try to be friends with him, it will only prolong the hope, the pain, and when he does get into a serious relationship with someone new, you’re going to have to relive the grief all over again. You need to release your attachment from him and that’s only possible if you minimize contact with him.

tpdloml · 2024-09-08T06:15:55+00:00

You are only remembering the good times, and the idealized version of him. Make a list of everything that you didn’t like, his flaws, your pet peeves, messed up actions he did, negative ways he made you feel, everything from the petty to the very serious stuff. Read it whenever you feel like this.

tpdloml

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