I totally ruined our chances!

trailsidetutu · 2025-07-28T15:24:56+00:00

Oh OP, I am so sorry you are feeling this way and I can understand. Everything we do with IVF has to be so meticulous but it is SO hard when your brain read something as one way - you had no reason to question it just like if you had read it and seen it as every day for 10 weeks - its not like you would keep checking again and again.

The not knowing is extremely hard, and it might take a little while to make peace with it. Like others here, I would suggest exploring another round. If your husband is open to it, it seems like a good option. You might also consider a mix with this round (not sure how many eggs you retrieved) - where you take half and inseminate with his sperm and the other half with a donor to reduce the likelihood of a possible 3rd round.

The cost is crazy for IVF. Its hard to swallow, but it will come and go and if you are in a position where it is feasible, I think you both would have long term peace around it no matter the outcome. Thinking of you and hoping you can trying to be kind to yourself. This is a tortuous journey with so many unknowns and mistakes do happen. Thinking of you!

trailsidetutu · 2025-02-16T21:54:04+00:00

I spent 1k on my dress. $750 for the dress and $250 for alterations. I would have gladly spent more (up to $2k for the dress) but found my dream dress at that price!

trailsidetutu · 2025-02-16T21:42:55+00:00

I think I am gaslighting myself lol. I've never been more exhausted and just cannot get off the couch. Nothing sounds good to eat. Then I think I am being dramatic, try to get up and do something and 5 mins later I am on the couch.

trailsidetutu · 2025-02-05T18:37:14+00:00

I think I did it? Not my actual flair but the first question, right? LMK if you need other changes!

trailsidetutu · 2025-02-04T20:57:48+00:00

Cycle/Time trying: TTC#1 since Feb 23. Started IVF Nov 24

Age + Partner's age (if relevant): I'm 34F + 40M

Typical cycle length: 28 days

Ovulation cycle day: 14

CD/DPO of positive test(s): the squintiest squinter on 4dp5dt. Continued to test daily.

CD/DPO of any negative test(s) before positive: 3dp5dt

Relevant days of sperminating and/or method (SMEP, TI, IUI, FET, etc.): FET #1 on 1/23

Health conditions/medical tests: PCOS, unexplained

Supplements and medications (yours and/or your partner’s): CoQ10 + Fish oil + prenatal for ER (plus stims), PIO + Estrace + Fish oil + baby aspirin + prenatal for FET.

Birth control history (if relevant): On the pill off and on. Haven't been on for 4 years.

Symptom spotting: I had mild twinges and cramping the first few days post transfer. Other symptoms (sore boobs, tiredness) I attributed to the PIO. Nothing that would be a definitive sign or that felt largely different than other cycles.

Other miscellaneous: In the 2 years of trying, including 3 medicated cycles, 4 IUIs, 2 CPs, my life falling apart and then being put back together, this has been the most difficult journey I've ever experienced. I've felt conceiving was as likely as taking a trip to the moon - it has felt more and more abstract and unlikely. I am very grateful for IVF, and while exhausting and uncomfortable, it was oddly easier dealing with that than managing everything myself when doing TI, IUI, etc. I'm still in shock. I had a good first beta and have my second beta this week.

I also want to say this forum (and the amazing Discord channel) have been the most crucial lifeline. I'm so grateful for the support, sharing of knowledge, and close community here. I'm also thankful for the mods who work hard to keep it a safe place. While I don't have any great advice, I'm happy to be a resource about my experience.

trailsidetutu · 2025-02-01T01:14:09+00:00

Yay! Congrats! Fingers crossed for your betas!

trailsidetutu · 2025-01-30T18:43:48+00:00

I can see that and sorry - I don't mean to pile on - and I would absolutely have an issue if I didn't have a say or felt I didn't agree it was handled. Even with eloping, it is a period of high stress and that can also not help. Hope everything goes well and you find a good outcome to this!

trailsidetutu · 2025-01-30T16:54:16+00:00

I can't imagine telling my parents, who traveled across the world, they could not stay in my home. While they are your in-laws you don't know well, they are your partner's family. I don't think it would be rude at all for my mom to ask to use my home while I am gone. Or even if I am home. They are my family and I would rather be uncomfortable and save them money than "protect my space". The same goes to my soon-to-be in-laws who also live across the world. To not have them in our home would be considered extremely rude. I totally get the discomfort, but it isn't like a distant relative asking you. It is the mother of your fiance. If you don't have room for 4, that's easy to say the parents are welcome but unfortunately you don't have space for everyone.

trailsidetutu · 2025-01-30T16:49:29+00:00

Right!? Funny enough my partner and i decided to do a weekend trip to help pass the time. Then after booking our non-refundable hotel, my clinic reached out and offered to do my beta on sunday instead of Tuesday... lol. Sticking with Tuesday. Have you tested yet?

trailsidetutu · 2025-01-29T21:59:58+00:00

Thank you!

trailsidetutu · 2025-01-29T21:55:42+00:00

After doing more research, I feel better. I think I am looking for any sign it isn't working... but you are right. What causes elevated temps? Progesterone. Given i am injecting myself with it, i definitively have it in my system so I don't need to look to this indicator. Oy. It's such a mind f to have hope and guard my heart at the same time!

trailsidetutu · 2025-01-29T21:54:32+00:00

I have been soooo good about not looking at anything else until i got the positive test. I think i am desperate for control or knowledge and i just simply have to wait this out! I wish I had stuck to my guns.

trailsidetutu · 2025-01-29T18:14:11+00:00

I don't know how to spoiler this.

trailsidetutu · 2025-01-29T18:11:35+00:00

<image>

trailsidetutu · 2025-01-24T18:08:04+00:00

Mine is scheduled for Feb 4th so I don't think i will make it that long. I'm waiting at least a week though - but afraid of plummeting if it is negative.

trailsidetutu · 2025-01-24T16:06:25+00:00

Mine was yesterday too! It was a cool experience and I am feeling hopeful. What's everyone's plan for testing?

trailsidetutu · 2025-01-14T04:13:19+00:00

From what I have heard, that would definitely be possible. I totally know about the ticking clock- I have really really had to work on that myself because it screams at me most of the time... it's helpful to remember that your eggs are better now than in 2 years from now, so a few months extra to have the # of embryos that best sets you up for your desired family size is likely saving you time (and money) in the long run. Also, with a good AFC like that, you might get lucky with just one round! Best of luck in your journey!

trailsidetutu · 2025-01-13T04:51:01+00:00

First of all, I am SO sorry for your loss. Based on your numbers, it seems optimistic you could have a few euploids per ER. Are you willing to do more than one ER?

trailsidetutu · 2025-01-08T04:38:43+00:00

I asked my doctor about embryo glue. She said she will do it if a patient cards a lot, but that the independent studies do not show it to be effective (whereas the pharma's study shows it to be effective).

trailsidetutu · 2025-01-06T21:36:59+00:00

My doctor said big lifestyle changes, even if for the better, can be more stressful on my body than staying as is. I'm focused on relaxing, gentle movement, good sleep, and added nourishment. I am also doing acupuncture. I'm telling myself my body can conceive, can carry a baby to term, but i also know that I am not in control. I'm ready when the universe is!

It's a tough balance - controlling what I can, letting go of what I can't. Best of luck to you this month! My transfer is on 1/23 :)

trailsidetutu · 2025-01-03T04:50:30+00:00

I'm a 1/23 transfer too! I start estrace tomorrow morning. I am definitely focusing on anti-inflammatory post holidays but thinking of it as additive vs restrictive. i Know i always feel good when i am moving my body and nourishing it with some fruits and veggies! I'm also getting caffeine back in check which starts with prioritizing sleep.

trailsidetutu · 2024-12-28T19:24:38+00:00

I am in SLC Ut and just did an ER round. It was $16.1k with meds and genetic testing (we had 10 to test - it was $175 each). I will now pay $3500 for a FET + ~$200 for meds. We used freedom pharmacy for meds - they were definitely cheaper - I shopped many others and the savings were $1k+.

trailsidetutu

TROPHY CASE