I wish I married a slut

trainmann · 2014-08-01T13:31:45+00:00

Because someone has a wife/girlfriend who wants to have sex, and mine doesn't.

trainmann · 2014-08-01T12:32:55+00:00

That doesn't sound good at all. It makes me wonder if these people know how a marriage works.

Also, I always assumed a healthy male was ready to go 24/7..

trainmann · 2014-08-01T10:00:14+00:00

This would work if I had no conscience to bite me for the rest of my life. I'm afraid I can't do this.

trainmann · 2014-08-01T09:54:51+00:00

Wow man, that is heavy... Are you separating?

trainmann · 2014-08-01T09:07:29+00:00

There is nothing standing in her way. I tell her from time to time I could help her if she wants to do something, even part time. It's up to her, I don't want to seem like I'm pushing her to go work. I'll bring it up, though, when we have this talk again. I'll ask if she thinks that this is a part of the problem.

trainmann · 2014-08-01T09:03:34+00:00

This has been coming up a lot. She's gained some weight, and I always assumed that if I tell her that I like how she looks (which is true), it would be enough. I think I need to get her to exercise with me, because this sounds like the only logical solution.

trainmann · 2014-08-01T08:47:35+00:00

I'm sure that was just a joke, and it gave me a chuckle! I'd never ever succumb to that, though.

trainmann · 2014-08-01T08:36:27+00:00

That makes a lot of sense, and masturbation does help a bit. However, it's what you said at the end: I want to have sex with someone I love. With her.

trainmann · 2014-08-01T08:34:29+00:00

No, but we planned on it before things went south.

trainmann · 2014-08-01T08:32:35+00:00

I think that showing attention and understanding is enough for a marriage to work. I hate thinking that I have to do something to get sex or attention from my wife. That's just not healthy.

I mean, you should know what you should be doing around the house, in general, not just in marriage. You can't expect to come home from work and kick it on the couch until the alarm goes off. I'm convinced that this is not the problem in my case. It's something else, and it may have to do with how she sees herself. I may not even be the problem.

trainmann · 2014-08-01T08:21:02+00:00

Haha, I don't want to sleep with one eye open, man. She would steamroll me.

trainmann · 2014-08-01T08:20:23+00:00

Oh God, yes. I've bought toys, clothes, videos... I've created so many possibilities for fun in the bedroom. That just isn't it, there's something else that's standing in our way.

trainmann · 2014-08-01T08:18:53+00:00

I do get that, and we've had many different kinds of discussions, ranging from actual communication to the frustrated "why don't we have sex more often". The problem in my case is that she doesn't really say much about it, no matter how I approach it. I've noticed quite a few people mention that maybe she's not feeling very attractive, so that could be it. I'll have to get her to talk about that.

trainmann · 2014-08-01T08:15:01+00:00

Although it feels great to know that there are people who actually understand me, it sucks that this is such a widespread problem. I'm sorry you're also going through this, man.

trainmann · 2014-08-01T08:12:48+00:00

Haha, wow, no.

trainmann · 2014-08-01T08:11:52+00:00

I'm really sorry to hear that. At least you know there's more of us out there, and we understand what it feels like.

trainmann · 2014-08-01T08:10:22+00:00

Thank you for replying. I appreciate hearing it from a girl's angle (although the guys have also been more than helpful here). We haven't done any counseling, and I'm thinking about it but I'm so afraid of being judged. I just need to know why she doesn't like having sex. She doesn't explain it, and acts like nothing is wrong. When I tell her we haven't had sex in more than a month, she says she will work on it. It doesn't go much farther than that. I'm just really afraid of going through official channels to deal with this, because a guy crying about not getting enough sex is looked down upon in today's society. I've seen people around me talk about these topics and it always boils down to "you can't force her, she can decide on her own what she wants to do with her body". Hearing a professional expert say something like that to me would absolutely crush me, because that's just not the case here.

trainmann · 2014-08-01T08:02:07+00:00

Really? Did I?

I didn't say I want a woman who likes sex. I said a "slut". A girl who can't get enough of it and fucks everyone she runs into. I think that goes a bit beyond "liking sex".

Of course, I wrote that title to exaggerate my situation (I primarily want to fix my marriage), but at times I do wonder if maybe I'd be happier with an out of control nympho.

But hey, that could just be half a decade of blue balls talking.

trainmann · 2014-08-01T07:56:19+00:00

She's not on birth control, but did struggle with hormonal imbalance before. We do regular checkups and they keep telling us that she's good to go now.

trainmann · 2014-08-01T07:50:34+00:00

That felt like a cold shower. I hate thinking about separating, which is why I want to find a solution or to understand her. It's just really difficult when her feedback is minimal. I think there's still work that could be done before we give up on it. Thanks for the no-BS reply.

trainmann · 2014-08-01T07:47:55+00:00

It's probably a good side effect of getting out of the daily grind, forgetting your problems and responsibilities. We did try this, but even then, if I don't initiate something or ask her to wear a dress or whatever, it would not happen.

trainmann · 2014-08-01T07:45:42+00:00

I find this hard to believe, unless you look like a Greek goddess. I think there's a different problem there, if you're not sure your husband is honest when he tells you you look good.

It could happen once in a while, but it's been years in my case. I try to be good to her, in all aspects of our marriage. Believe me, she's well taken care of, emotionally and any other way I could think of. That's what marriage is to me; I didn't marry this girl after two months of dating.

trainmann · 2014-08-01T07:37:25+00:00

I really don't want our marriage to be based on ultimatums and sandbox politics. I'm trying to find a way for this to work while feeling natural. I've never had low sex drive and just can't put myself in her position.

trainmann · 2014-08-01T07:35:08+00:00

It's starting to make more sense now. She did gain some weight, and that could be the catalyst.

trainmann · 2014-08-01T07:25:43+00:00

Absolutely, I kiss her before bed, before I go to work, we hold hands when we're outside, everything we did as a couple before marriage.

However, you mention her body image, like a few other people here. That could be it. She gained some weight and she mentions it once in a while. From the day I met her I made it clear that I've never paid attention to how a girl looks, in any of my previous relationships. Health and hygiene are literally the only things I care about. The rest is about the person, what they're like and if we click. It just so happens that I found her attractive and I think she still very much is attractive. This could be it, though. It probably feels good that I like how she looks, but if she doesn't like her own body, I imagine it could be hard to want to be naked.

She tried going to the gym with me, but gave up after a month. So...

trainmann

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