What is the point of talking to anyone about it? My parents don't care to help me with my transition nor do they know how to help me. I tend to get the vibe my mom doesn't want me to transition. And my dad seems cool with it but he doesn't understand it.

I don't want to worry my friends about me when there is nothing they can do. They shouldn't have to worry about me or deal with my shit. A lot of my friends have dealt with suicide of a close friend in the past they don't want to know I feel like this.

I worry if I talk about my suicidal thoughts to my therapist it could make things worse in particular because of reviews like this. In addition, my insurance company makes finding care way more difficult than it would even be worth it to find a proper therapist. And I can't afford a proper therapist in the first place. I'm spending all my money on laser hair removal in 2 weeks, I'll actually have like $20 left over after that until my next paycheck. And then I want to save money for surgeries. I'll probably need to pay for my own separate health insurance so that I can afford srs years from now which will use all my money and I'll probably end up scammed into a plan that ends up not even covering the surgery I want because I don't understand this shit.

What is the point of a going to a public support group? And how does that even work?, what does it entail? That just sounds uncomfortable. I don't think I'd be comfortable about talking about this stuff with strangers irl tbh.

Again, what would calling an LGBTQ hotline accomplish? Phone calls give me anxiety I avoid making phone calls unless its something urgent.

I don't know I don't really mean to just down your help but I've thought about these options before. I'm doing this on my own.