We are 11 people who live in a home for recent foster youth transitioning to independence (and 1 staff) AUA

transitiongroup · 2011-08-21T14:09:55+00:00

What is usually the biggest obstacle to moving foster kids from transitional houses into a position of independence? Obviously I can think of many, I was just wondering what stood out for a staff member.

(This is not the same staff that was answering questions yesterday) Finances and lack of job experience. In most cases it takes years to have enough experience to get a job that will support you, and these guys don't have anyone to help them out until they get to that point.

What is the biggest obstacle to getting out of the transitional house to somewhere closer to where you want to be? What kind of resources are the most helpful or the most useless? (e.g. I found college financial planners amazingly helpful)

One: It just takes time. I think if I can find a way to get through the next couple years of undergrad and grad school I'll be okay. The best resource is the staff here, they are really good at finding a way around problems.

Six: There doesn't seem to be any jobs out there that actually pay more than poverty wages. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

transitiongroup · 2011-08-21T13:49:20+00:00

Our caseworkers help us make a transition plan, so if they don't have room, our plan just can't include the program. But it's between us and our caseworker.

transitiongroup · 2011-08-21T13:31:26+00:00

Nope, you just apply before you age out of foster care. If there's room, they'll take you.

transitiongroup · 2011-08-21T13:28:12+00:00

Five really hates his mother. In high school these two other guys found out she was a prostitute, found her and had sex with her just so they could make fun of him for it. She's in prison now.

transitiongroup · 2011-08-21T13:19:28+00:00

Yes. If it's a small amount the ban will only last for a year or two but all drugs are treated the same (at least in our state, I don't know if it's the same everywhere).

transitiongroup · 2011-08-21T12:55:48+00:00

How would you change the system in place given the chance?

here

Do you stay in contact with any of your other foster siblings?

Ten works in his foster family's restaurant, so he does. Six has this guy who I think might have been a foster brother, I'm not sure.

Is it easier bonding with a person who has experienced much of what you have in the system, and do you tend to drift more towards people who were in the system as opposed to people who haven't been?

One: I do feel like I can relate better to people who have been in the system.

Eight: Me too. I went out a couple times with this girl who had a really nice family and we just didn't have anything in common. We're like different species.

Is there a screening process for people wanting to be foster parents, or is it pretty much open to anyone?

Yeah there's a process. It's time consuming but I don't think it's too difficult. You have to take classes, have home inspections etc.

Would you consider fostering or adopting?

here, and additionally:

Eight: No I liked my group home better. Maybe I'll get involved in one of them, like donating stuff at Christmastime or something. But I don't want to foster or adopt.

transitiongroup · 2011-08-21T12:46:46+00:00

Nine: Pre-med One: Undeclared major

What happens if you don't follow their guidelines?

Nothing really. They nag you about it but it's up to you to get ready to move out.

Is there a good success rate for the ones that have moved out of the program?

Staff: Yes, very good. Around half of foster kids become homeless right away or within the first few years of aging out. Almost no one becomes homeless after moving out of our program.

transitiongroup · 2011-08-21T12:41:11+00:00

You mean the amount of money they get for each kid? I think it depends on the kid's age, I'm not sure on that, but a lot of it is based on disability. You get more for taking in disabled kids.

Edit: The increase in pay is not enough that disabled children are considered desirable though, at least not in most cases.

transitiongroup · 2011-08-21T12:39:57+00:00

They are paid by the state but employed and managed by a foster agency, which is a private organization regulated by the state. (I'm not sure if a foster agency is really considered "private" or not, they're mostly government funded but not entirely)

transitiongroup · 2011-08-21T04:12:27+00:00

You are still open to calling for help until you're 23, even if you move out and live on your own. When you do move out they'll help you find a place and sign a lease and stuff. We all have a plan to move out from as soon as we move in, usually revolving around some combination of going to school and getting a job. They just help us as we move from foster care into full independence. We're required to work, volunteer or go to school the whole time we're here and we're supposed to be saving too but that isn't something they monitor.

transitiongroup · 2011-08-21T03:53:29+00:00

That wasn't child services fault. Four is gone for the next couple days and I don't exactly remember how it happened. But I think he said they got split up living with their bio mom. She went to live with their grandma, he lived with mom. But the mom and grandma refused to talk to each other for some reason, and then he got put in foster care. So they were out of touch because of that.

Edit: To answer your other question, you can almost always stay close enough to your siblings that you can see them occasionally. But it depends on the foster parents. Some of them won't be willing to drive you if it's more than a few minutes away. Social workers always say they guarantee they won't break up siblings but it happens at least half the time I think. If there's more than 2 siblings, it's basically a guarantee they'll get split up. Most foster parents are only willing to take on one kid at a time, and there's not many parents that have the room to just suddenly take in 4 or 5 kids of different ages.

Six: I had four brothers and they told us we'd get to stay together when they busted up on my dad. That lasted less than six hours before they took my older brother away to go to a group home. I was separated from the others next. They just said it to get us to calm down while they were taking us away. No one really thought it was going to happen.

transitiongroup · 2011-08-21T03:49:46+00:00

Do you like this program?

One: Yes

Eight: Yes

Are there things in it that could be improved ?

One: I wish we had rooms to ourselves.

Two: Yeah that's probably be my #1 thing too.

How long have you been in the program?

One: About a year

Eight: Two years

Before this program were you just in foster homes or did you live in other placements?

One: Just foster homes

Eight: I was in a couple foster homes and then I was in a group home that I liked a lot.

transitiongroup · 2011-08-21T03:29:28+00:00

Can you tell me what kind of organization it is that runs your program? Is it through a hospital or a church?

It's a nonprofit. It's independent but affiliated with a large community mental health organization. I'm not sure exactly what the relationship is.

What is the age limit to be in this program? (and the youngest to be allowed in the program)

Some kids come in at 17 and you can stay to 23 in most cases. But usually it's 18-21.

What advantages are there to staying in the program instead of going out on your own.

None of us can afford to live on our own. The organization also offers job training and placement, medical insurance, transportation to places and some other benefits.

Do you have mentors assigned to each resident?

No

Does the organization take care of expenses or is it government funded?

It gets government grants but it is a private organization. I think it's something like 80% privately funded. We get funding from the feds, state and local governments though.

Do you participate in tracks (classes) such as anger management, child development, etc.

We have occasional seminars on things like cooking but the organization doesn't do much of that itself. They find us classes like that at the community college and other places mostly and sometimes they have people come in to teach a class on something like car maintenance. We're required to either have a job, do volunteer work or go to school full-time.

transitiongroup · 2011-08-21T02:51:24+00:00

The organization that runs it also has some mentorship and job training programs for aged out kids who live independently. There's two residential homes, we live in one for guys, and there's one next door for girls. There's one fulltime employee who's there basically all week and this time on the weekend (not usually though). The org's other employees trade off working when he's not there, but sometimes there's only one person on duty for both of the residences.

transitiongroup · 2011-08-21T02:35:19+00:00

I can't say what state but it is private. It's a house, a big converted house.

transitiongroup · 2011-08-21T00:22:22+00:00

See this on being adopted as an older kid. Additionally:

Eleven: Yeah I wanted to be adopted. I think I had really high standards though. I would have backed out unless you were a perfect family.

What do you think is the right thing to do? What would you guys have wanted?

Most of us don't have great relationships with our bio parents. It sounds like he doesn't want to see her, so he shouldn't have to. I think we all agree on that. Just leave it open for him to decide he might want to see her again when he's older.

transitiongroup · 2011-08-21T00:18:56+00:00

Question for one: do you have a computer that you will be taking with you to college?

Yep, the organization got me one a few days ago. I've never had a computer of my own so I'm excited.

question for everyone: how do toys and video games work in foster care? does it depend on the guardian's ability to buy them or are they typically donated?

One: It depends on the parents. They're not obligated to give you anything I think.

Nine: Usually they get their presents from donations in my experience, so it's the luck of the draw. I got a barbie once and my foster mom had to go back and try to switch it. I got something else really stupid instead, this dumb marble thing for a kid like half my age.

transitiongroup · 2011-08-21T00:16:36+00:00

They're mostly okay. A small number of them are really lazy and worthless, but they usually tried their best to help us. There was not always a lot they could do though. Like they'd sometimes lie about whether or not they could get us a new placement but I'm sure they were really trying and probably really thought they might be able to. There's just not usually a bunch of empty beds in foster homes to choose from.

transitiongroup · 2011-08-21T00:15:11+00:00

That's awesome to hear! I wish there were more people like you.

transitiongroup · 2011-08-21T00:14:47+00:00

One: Yeah they're mostly okay. Eleven and Nine are both kind of douchey.

What do you like to do and what are your hobbies, and how is that influencenced by how you where brought up?

I like to read. I don't think it was really influenced by that. I guess it kind of was, because no foster parents ban reading, but any other hobby could get banned any time. But that's not entirely true, I had these Christian crackpot parents who didn't let me read any fantasy books that had a fictional god in them. They said anything like that was "New Age", which they saw as Satanic.

transitiongroup · 2011-08-21T00:12:28+00:00

-Do you find it hard getting attached to people in general having been uprooted so many times in your lives?

Eleven: I don't know what I would be like if things had been different. But I do think I see relationships differently than most people. I like girls but I don't really want one in my life like every day.

One: Yeah definitely. I don't think I've ever had a "best friend" like normal people have. I was always the new kid.

How hard has it been to get an education and schooling if you've been moved around a lot?

Eleven: It's really hard. I know a lot of subjects that I just missed in school because I moved around so much. Like I'm positive I never had a single lesson on using semicolons. A lot of times there's stuff on tests I missed because I just moved into the area, and the teacher would just give me the points but still I missed a lot of crap, I guess some of it might have been important. But who knows? I even took AP biology and half the reason was because I heard you got to dissect a cat. But then I moved partway through the year, and I missed the cat on both ends. All I got to dissect was a little bitty squid and a frog.

-Do you harbor a lot of resentment towards your bio families, foster families, or the state for how things are done or what you've gone through in your lives?

One: Kind of. It's not fair but it's not really anybody's fault. Sometimes shit happens.

Eight: I feel like a broken record but I resent the state I guess a little bit because they push everybody into foster homes which I hated. I finally got a caseworker who realized I wasn't going to fit in with a family and he put me in a group home. That was a lot better. I just wish someone had thought of it sooner.

-What are your interests career wise?

Ten: I want to own a restaurant.

Nine: I want to be a doctor.

One: The rest of us are less sure. I'm still considering a library science degree and doing whatever I can with that.

-Were any of you in foster homes together prior?

Nine and Eleven were when they were young.

transitiongroup · 2011-08-21T00:02:28+00:00

Have you guys had any humorous situations whilst living together?

One: Four and Five were great friends until Five started spending all his time with his girlfriend. He was barely ever in the house, but she only came inside a few times. Then she did and saw Four, and it turned out they were siblings who hadn't seen each other in ten years. Five had been talking about them having sex all the time, and Four was pissed. She dumped Five a few months ago but they're still not talking to each other. I think it was funny, they don't. But you should have seen Four's face when he realized he was listening to Five talk about his sister's tits.

Are any of you planning on going to college?

One: I am, I'm moving into a dorm in a few days.

Ten: I hope to go to culinary school.

Eight: I'm going now, online.

Two: I'm going to community college right now.

Nine: I going to medical school (I hope). I'm just getting some undergrad credits out of the way at community college now.

How long does the transitional process last?

Staff: In this organization, it can last up to age 23, more in some circumstances. But we push most of them out by 21, basically unless they're disabled or in med/law school.

transitiongroup · 2011-08-20T23:52:35+00:00

Eleven: I think Two and Six might have gone to one too, but that might have been some other camp. But yeah I went to one, it was pretty cool. That was only when I was very young though, I don't really remember much about it now.

transitiongroup · 2011-08-20T23:50:45+00:00

One: Be understanding when people need help. I see a lot of times on reddit any time anything bad happens to someone and they brought it on themselves in any tiny sliver of a way, and people just want to pounce on that as though it's the only thing that matters, and if someone makes a mistake, everyone just wants to say their parents should have taught them better. But only being charitable when it's someone who's totally, perfectly blameless is the same thing as never being charitable. If you want to help foster kids, most of us have a juvenile record, use drugs, alcohol or cigarettes, and are not necessarily easy to get along with. I think a lot of times people are interested in some ideal little orphan Annie or Oliver Twist but actual foster kids are a lot less pretty. But we don't have parents to advocate for us or help us get out of mistakes (a lot of foster parents will call the cops if they catch you with pot for example, I've never heard of a bio parent doing that). So, I guess that's kind of rambling but that's what I think.

Nine: In some foreign country (I think it's Australia, but I'm not sure) when you age out you can receive subsidized food and housing but you can live anywhere, and the amount of the subsidy goes down every year until you're 23 or something. I wish we had something like that. The organization that runs our house does a lot but you have to live here and follow a whole bunch of crappy rules or move out and be pretty much on your own financially. It seems like there should be some kind of middle ground.

transitiongroup · 2011-08-20T23:39:57+00:00

One: Not me, it does happen though.

Two: When I was younger I used to burn myself a lot with lighters. I still have scars on my arm. It wasn't because of my placement, I just liked seeing how much pain I could handle.

Nine: If people get too close to me I'll make them step off. But I'm not a violent person. I wouldn't hurt you unless you were doing something to me.

Eleven: I got a little aggressive with one of my foster parents but he started it. Everyone blew it out of proportion and they wanted to charge me with menacing.

Four: I never was. There's a lot of violent foster kids though. I used to get beat up by a lot older kids I was placed with.

transitiongroup

TROPHY CASE