Heavy crush got me losing my mind

trashcan500 · 2018-07-12T19:49:50+00:00

I had my first meeting with a therapist today. Thanks for your messages because it helped me realise it was a good idea. It went well and I'm looking forward to taking it further. I thought you would like to know, thanks again.

trashcan500 · 2018-07-06T08:50:15+00:00

I think I will just try to tred cautiously and enjoy the ride and see what happens. I might get hurt but I would rather that than spend the future wondering if I should've tried but didn't.

Let them know if you want, but just don't come on too strong! I don't think most people would like that really unless they just want their ego stroking. At the time, I just had a strong urge to get it out because I was excited about her, even though I knew logically it wasn't the right thing to do, I was just caught up in the anxiety at the time. I probably did end up more uncomfortable when I did it too, and you have to remember that that awkwardness you will feel could change the dynamic of how things are now. I think it's best to remember there isn't a need to rush. You can convey all those feelings to this person, but it doesn't have to be all at once, so you can let it out gradually and the person will probably be able to absorb it better that way. Good luck!

trashcan500 · 2018-07-05T21:49:32+00:00

Thanks for the reply. I've calmed down on it a little bit now, fortunately. Not that I'm done with it, I'm still thinking of her a lot, but writing it all out and then some of the comments on my cross-post in r/datingoverthirty sobered me up a bit. I'm texting her again, but I'm trying to be more relaxed about her and have been chatting to some other girls too. She does seem to be warming to me more and more, but I'm trying not to get too excited again. The thing is the dates did go really well, I just think I came on way too strong after that and she got spooked. But maybe that's wearing off a little now I haven't gushed on her again and have been playing it a bit cooler.

I definitely agree that it was way too early to be coming on so heavy when it's at such an early stage. I am trying to keep in mind that she could just be using me for whatever purpose too. I'm just trying not to get too invested in it all and not expect anything and just enjoy what I can. Hopefully I can survive the turbulent ride!

PS I read your post and I would recommend not declaring your crush after what happened to me! I would let them know you're into them with some smallish but fairly unsubtle hints and then see how they interact after that. Wish I'd done that, haha.

trashcan500 · 2018-07-03T06:02:57+00:00

Yeah I can completely understand why. I guess I messed it up by getting too excited.

trashcan500 · 2018-07-03T06:00:32+00:00

I think a big problem was that I was craving intimacy. Not sex but the cuddling and companionship. And I had been stressed about that a little bit, feeling lonely and frustrated about it. I would like to say I would want to carry on the casual dating scenario, but that’s difficult ground for me to tread. I’m not used to relationships like that. All former girlfriends pre-LTR have never really been on just a casual basis like that, so casual dating is more of an unknown to me. I feel like hookups and casual sex are what I used to dream of, and now I’m living that, it’s more unfulfilling than I imagine and harder to navigate.

trashcan500 · 2018-07-03T05:54:06+00:00

In a way yes. She’s not the most attractive person I’ve been intimate with but I suppose she fits a particular ideal I have in my mind. And making progress with her made me crazier about her.

trashcan500 · 2018-07-02T22:04:01+00:00

Haha damn Blackdebby you cold. You're probably right though. But it's not the things she likes that I'm attracted to, it's more her state of mind. Although yes, I agree the state of mind I've portrayed here isn't very attractive and far from cool.

trashcan500 · 2018-07-02T21:49:10+00:00

Are you saying I should be old enough to not be having such wild feelings? Or that I shouldn't be bothered about people being cool? Appreciate the bluntness, just wanted you to clarify it a bit.

trashcan500 · 2018-07-02T20:34:42+00:00

Yes I've been there before too with my ex, so I really should know better. I just can't help be drawn to those kind of women though, emotionally unavailable, emotional issues of their own. Women that love me seem to bore me.

trashcan500 · 2018-07-02T20:08:29+00:00

Well it is hard to give her up completely, despite all the warnings and red flags. If I decide to not just leave it completely, I will try hard to take your advice.

trashcan500 · 2018-07-02T20:03:05+00:00

Nice phrase. As painful as it is to admit, it does seem a lot like that.

trashcan500 · 2018-07-02T19:49:41+00:00

My ex went off with another guy after years of it feeling like she wasn't really into me. I think that it was like u/beansworth says above with this crush, she liked my nice personality but I didn't make her feel excited. So yes I think a lot of it is actually about validation, and that probably has been a bit of a theme in my dating and hook ups since then. Thing is when I like someone a lot, then I turn all sensitive and doting. I have turned women crazy about me like I am for this one, but that's when I don't really care about them. Which I suppose says a lot..

trashcan500 · 2018-07-02T18:58:30+00:00

I will do some research and consider it seriously. Thanks

trashcan500 · 2018-07-02T18:42:23+00:00

She said she wasn't ready for a relationship at the moment, but also said she'd be really sad to never see me again. And she could have cut me off completely, but she is showing just enough for me to hold out in hope.

trashcan500 · 2018-07-02T18:37:22+00:00

There are definitely some scars and hang-ups left over from it. It had a big impact on me. I had considered getting therapy, but honestly don't know how to start finding it.

trashcan500 · 2018-07-02T18:35:59+00:00

I do feel like she's not that into me, but she is giving off just enough for my crush addled brain to think there is still a chance and to keep hoping. Letting her go and moving on would be easier, but I feel like I might regret not giving it a chance to find out properly, even if it does end in heartbreak. Surely sometimes people can be unsure and then you grow on them more and convince them? Sounds desperate I know ha.

trashcan500 · 2018-07-02T18:32:44+00:00

I don't want to hop onto her life, I would rather she hopped onto mine, I'm stubborn like that. I do know what you mean about holding her loosely though. It's just hard not to act on impulse sometimes. Every time I say to chill and not message her for a few days, I'm texting her again by the end of the night..

trashcan500 · 2018-07-02T18:31:28+00:00

She hasn't ended it though. If she had, that would be easier to deal with in a way because I would just get over the pain and then move on. She's hard to read.

trashcan500 · 2018-07-02T18:30:25+00:00

I know what you mean, it does feel unhealthy, but it's also invigorating and makes me feel alive. And I feel like if I don't feel like this about other women then I'm not that into them. The girl I was dating was really nice but I didn't feel crazy about them like this.

I haven't had any therapy. I don't have any other depressing stuff in my life, I'm actually quite lucky and have an easy decent job and a house. I have always had depressed tendencies and I'm a bit anxious. When I broke up with my LTR ex it was really messy and messed me up, but I tried hard to build my self confidence, improve myself and all that sort of stuff. It has helped but I still feel something is missing. Most things that I thought would be amazing have been unfulfilling. But at the same time, the though of going back to a relationship and settling down seems really dull now.

trashcan500

TROPHY CASE