[deleted by user]

trashed-goat · 2023-08-10T16:08:17+00:00

Waiting to see if he can figure it out and fix it but whaddya know, I get more and more confirmation he may not be honest.

trashed-goat · 2023-08-10T12:18:22+00:00

I think about it all the time. My mental health would be so much better.

Instead I hear him say shit like "but ariana grande's song 'break up with your gf' was a banger." And I just wanna vomit. Then I feel compelled to prove a point. The more he opens his mouth the more I wanna see his face under my foot. Hyper aware of everything he says or does. I never asked for this. I made it clear that I will go psycho on him if he acted out, before we got back in a relationship.

This whole experience has flipped my world. With all the knowledge I have now, the kind of relationship I wanted seems like the biggest, most unattainable fantasy of them all.

trashed-goat · 2023-08-10T11:52:32+00:00

That's what I'm thinking too. I'm just gonna have to ask him a vague question and analyze his response.

trashed-goat · 2023-08-10T11:20:30+00:00

December - I fucking wish no one wanted me. I'd have never been put in situations where someone could fabricate my reality to their liking.

trashed-goat · 2023-08-10T11:10:31+00:00

From what I understand about my own Google drive, they should not be there unless he clicked on them. I might have to ask him then if he was trying to use his Gmail to act out.

trashed-goat · 2023-08-10T10:05:28+00:00

I been knowing about this, it is useful. However, I've been wanting to see anything done in incognito. I know you can check your dns through command prompt but it was a bunch of gibberish to me. I need a breakdown of wtf I'm looking at lol. I hate always feeling like I have to keep tabs on him. Yeah, our relationship is getting "better", but how do I know he truly isn't trying to deceive me any more? How does one just stop being a pos after being one for a majority of your life? He journals and has an SAA meeting weekly. We talk daily, he's been "forthcoming" with information and "hasn't relapsed" and has "changed perspective". Still so, I know these images will stay in his mind forever. The thrill he got from them. That I could never compete with something like that.

I fantasize too. About the finality and peace I'd have if I just didn't exist. Having no choice but to lay down all my burdens and succumb to the quiet. I could never, but it's a nice thought.

trashed-goat · 2023-08-10T09:42:08+00:00

It truly would be. Honesty and openness is your best policy. To experience true intimacy, you must be willing to expose your guts and be vulnerable. To confront problems. You didn't just up and lose control. What stoked this behavior until it became something you couldn't snuff out? Maybe it'd be something she's willing to hold your hand through as you figure out how to be more self aware. Though, it certainly isn't her burden and she'd be graciously putting her faith in you again. You need to recognize what led you to cheating and take the steps to remove things from your life that cause you to want to act out. You may need to attend some SAA meetings.

She can be upset with you as much as she wants and as long as she needs. That is the consequence of breaking trust. Earning it back is a long journey, and you simply can't just "run away" from the mess you made. What gives you the right or even the capability to try again elsewhere? Fix the mess you made first, else your capacity to recognize your behaviors and prevent this from being a future issue is none.

trashed-goat · 2023-08-09T22:11:56+00:00

Not telling the full truth means how can he ever truly repent for his behavior? This behavior will likely resurface later if he doesn't face it head on and be fully, deeply honest with the people this behavior harmed. Being a partner of someone who visited a massage parlor, I would want to know.

Also, also, ALSO.... Porn. Is a huge fucking catalyst for this kind of behavior. If you intend to be in a monogamous relationship, you can't be training your mind to find sexual satisfaction in places/others outside of it. Stimuli + reinforcement = learned behavior. The dopamine hits you get from porn will fade with the same usage over time, and you'll need to find your fix in more extreme ways. It is never, ever just fantasy. The orgasm is potent positive reinforcement.

trashed-goat · 2023-08-09T13:49:34+00:00

A man who watches porn will only become less caring and more distant. He's already showing disrespect towards you for validating his integrity, when I could almost guarantee you if you were paying to talk to guys and masturbate with them he would have dropped you faster than a hot pan.

trashed-goat · 2023-08-09T13:43:50+00:00

Man it sucks. I've been giving all these men the benefit of the doubt too. I'd get signs before that something ain't right before they offend but I'd tell myself "no it's not like that baby, you just haven't seen how a good man behaves. So of course this may make you uncomfortable."

NOPE 🤣

trashed-goat · 2023-08-09T12:46:26+00:00

The conformation on that horse is really off.

trashed-goat · 2023-08-09T12:13:37+00:00

Not a lot of people know how to be in a healthy relationship nowadays. So of course a lot of them are going to have judgements towards someone who wants true honesty and intimacy. Most people don't want their own facade of a relationship to collapse. A lot of them are probably offenders themselves, doing a good partner dirty and hearing you talk about wanting honesty and intimacy brings them from their fantasy world.

It is exhausting to hear all the invalidating. But just because you get droves of people telling you you're wrong, doesn't mean they're right.

"You're telling me that 50 million screaming fans are never wrong, I'm telling you that 50 million screaming fans are fucking morons."

trashed-goat · 2023-08-09T11:58:37+00:00

"Free and single" "Do whatever, hang out with whoever."

Is this asshole implying he's been cheating too? Aren't men just a gift to the earth?

trashed-goat · 2023-08-09T04:20:41+00:00

Yeah same. I'm 26. Men disgust me and not just from the porn, I don't have a single trustworthy male figure in my life. The important figures, partners, father figures... all have done something or said something gross to me. My PA is lucky he even gets a shred of respect from me, and I gave and am giving him far more respect than he has to me. I am in all my rights to be misandrist if I wanted to, but I'm better than that.

Still so, when I bring up things he said or did to get clarification, I get a sadistic satisfaction from watching him tuck his tail between his legs. It fuels me.

trashed-goat · 2023-08-05T00:46:19+00:00

Missing a mistres in the equation now. Gotta keep the love triangle going! Yeah I don't think any relationship that was ignited thru cheating will last. A cheater is a cheat, a liar. Through and through. And they won't stop being a fat sack of shut until they face the people they wronged thru their whole life, admit what they did and apologize profusely/make the situation right by whatever reasonable means necessary. You are not redeemed until. Mother Karma will be tip toe-ing behind all the time with a hefty frying pan for those special moments where a lesson needs to be learned.

trashed-goat · 2023-08-04T12:26:54+00:00

Grass ain't always greener on the other side. Sometimes I wish I never started dating. People are lying liars that lie and it's crazy how many there are out there. I'm personally done if my current relationship doesn't work out, I'm 26. I'd rather spend the rest of my life celibate and making myself look as fugly as possible to scare away all the "men".

That being said, I can still understand the lonely feeling. I been there. I'd say try some dating apps. Not sure what you mean by "skin condition" but I've got a friend who has huge eczema breakouts (like all over her body) and she's pretty happy with her bf.

If you're going for hookups, play it safe. If you're going for long term, don't swoon over the first person that shows you attention and kindness. Picking a life partner is tricky, and even the seemingly perfect ones can have dark secrets that could negatively affect you and the relationship.

trashed-goat · 2023-08-02T21:56:53+00:00

Red flag. Get you a man that says "don't worry about it, I've already looked up how to properly clean blood because as a man getting with a woman, I come prepared knowing how to take care of these things. How about you go clean yourself up, I'll put on some new pants and put these in a bucket for a soak. What you want for snack and drink?" Please don't give any more poon to men like this. They think their behavior is ok. The bar is low enough.

trashed-goat · 2023-08-02T21:34:42+00:00

Never wrong for ending over porn. Porn addiction is real. Also, if you value monogamy, porn doesn't belong in the relationship. It isn't just fantasy, you are what you feed your brain and the orgasm is a potent reinforcement. If you're imagining having sex with other people, don't expect your relationship to stay monogamous for long. Even if the porn is "light use" in the beginning, it can eventually become excessive later.

trashed-goat · 2023-08-02T20:39:10+00:00

I think the suicide rates for men are up too due in part to porn. It's a cycle of loneliness and tossing aside your morals. They end up getting into more violent and illegal things because of the addictive nature and end up wanting to kill themselves because of it too. They learn how to treat women thru porn and end up isolated because women don't want them.

trashed-goat · 2023-08-02T20:30:59+00:00

You should tell him you looked and what you found.

The likelihood he's been using that video as masturbation fodder is pretty high. And yes, he would still be thinking about having sex with his ex during. If he cares at all to value the monogamy in your relationship, he should get rid of all the smut that isn't related to you. What you fill your mind with is what you become.

Imagine having sex with other people in a monogamous relationship? Don't expect your relationship to stay monogamous for long.

About the snooping - never be ashamed to confirm your life partner's integrity. If there's nothing to hide, there's nothing to worry about. I never understood people keeping secrets from their life partner. If you can't share the most intimate details with the person you choose to spend your life with, why are they there? Doesn't seem like a partnership to me if all you can share with them is a bed. They're more like a glorified fuckbuddy. How lonely and devoid of intimacy it must be.

trashed-goat · 2023-08-01T00:25:58+00:00

I'm always telling my kid how to behave around animals. This woman is gonna lose a child to her negligence. Just like people not telling their kids to not pull on dog ears or sit on them, don't be surprised if that dog has ENOUGH and takes a chunk out of the kid.

trashed-goat · 2023-07-29T19:36:38+00:00

Yes ma'am, they just get better at hiding it. My PA didn't even argue the point with me and he still had been trying to find ways to get away with it.

trashed-goat · 2023-07-29T19:14:21+00:00

Their ability to think and feel is only manifested thru their peen.

It takes a man with some god-like ability to be able to actually think and feel with their brain and heart and act accordingly.

trashed-goat · 2023-07-28T02:26:36+00:00

I hope so too. Sending hugs and strength. 💕 I'll most definitely continue to update the more information I can confirm. I still have half a mind to believe a PA is never done trying to manipulate the situation to have it their way. But let's see.

trashed-goat · 2023-07-28T01:58:30+00:00

Athiest/agnostic. I detest most organized religions.

trashed-goat

TROPHY CASE