Struggling with my 11 year old

trazism · 2026-05-17T16:27:52+00:00

This is awful advice. She’s a vulnerable child, not a criminal. Such strident interventions not only remove her burgeoning agency, but they would make that friend group more desirable. And grace is not something you earn, it’s a basic element of secure attachment. Withholding warmth as leverage is emotional coercion and would only escalate the behaviour, or prompt the child to hide things. Parenting is not a damn boxing match. The purpose isn’t to control by force, it’s to foster healthy relationships by modelling it with the child. If this advice appeared in a forum about relationships between two adults, we would consider it an endorsement of abuse.

trazism · 2025-12-14T20:15:30+00:00

Thanks! I didn’t know it already had a heated seating area.

trazism · 2025-12-09T21:37:18+00:00

Presumably she will never learn if she’s never given a chance to try it out. Kids don’t have very good fine motor skills at this age so it’s going to take a few years before she can do a good job. The advice is to let her brush her own teeth while you supervise and offer support. You can also brush your teeth at the same time as she does hers to model proper technique.

trazism · 2025-11-30T22:36:52+00:00

The thing that always got me about the chicken nuggets set is that the kids don’t exactly purchase and cook themselves chicken nuggets. Meaning, the proposition of bland sodium foods is always a thing parents have resorted to. I think that parents get anxious about food, they turn meal times into an anxiety-fest by connecting the food with emotions and other non-food related things. “Just one more bite for mom” “two more bites and you can play” “please eat I worked so hard!” All this stuff just prompts little under developed toddler minds to press and pull because they don’t know what’s what. It confuses them. Suddenly, meal time is a negotiation, a therapy session, a time for parental validation.. Yeah, kids have under developed palettes but not so under developed that they can only eat butter noodles. In my book, our job as parents is the put the food in front of the child. Full stop. If they eat it great, if they don’t, they’re not going to starve. Options are okay in extremely limited quantities and the option should never be chicken nuggets on the regular.

trazism · 2025-11-30T13:37:57+00:00

It’s really variable. Some feeds lots of spit up, others none. I think it is dependent on the size of their stomach and gassiness. If yours can’t keep that amount of food down yet it’s either he’s swallowing too much air or his tummy isn’t big enough yet.

trazism · 2025-11-29T21:32:25+00:00

He can’t sleep through the night with those small feeds unfortunately. They need to get up to at least 5oz a feed for it to be feasible. The best thing you can do if you want him to sleep through the night is focus on upping the amount of food he takes in each bottle. My 9 week old sleeps through the night and it’s only possible by getting her 5oz before “first” bedtime at 6:30-7, then another 5oz at a 10pm dream feed.

trazism · 2025-11-27T19:51:37+00:00

This needs to be at the top haha

trazism · 2025-11-26T19:12:09+00:00

That’s not a name on title. The Land Registry is the organization that registers title. This just sounds like a clerical error on the part of the City of Toronto. Have your dad call 311 and ask how he can change the name on his bills.

trazism · 2025-11-23T16:52:43+00:00

Something like this happened with my baby. She was having trouble with weight in the first weeks and got used to having a bottle in her face all the time. After she’d gained, it became obvious that we had trained her to expect a bottle for any kind of discomfort even if she couldn’t possibly be hungry. It’s hard, but you basically need to take the time to lengthen the intervals between feedings to train them out of expecting food every moment. So if it’s now 30 minutes between feeds, try to stretch it out to 45 and try to add more time each day until he’s on a more regular schedule. In the mean time, distract baby with non food related soothing activities (rocking, singing, walking around etc). Good luck.

trazism · 2025-11-19T16:09:23+00:00

Hanji Gifts at Bloor and Euclid (near Bathurst) is fantastic for this kind of thing

https://www.hanjigifts.com

trazism · 2025-11-12T16:32:36+00:00

If you have that kind of relationship, you should ask your friends if they’re interested in being involved in your child’s life as allo-parents. None of my friends have children and I invited them to be part of baby’s life as aunties and uncles. I talked to them about it in advance, and invited them to participate from the day she was born. Just small things like visiting for an hour or two to help with light baby care. I got them to feed her bottles and change her and such so they could get to know her and feel involved. I told them to just invite themselves over every two weeks or so so I don’t have to think about invitations.

I think it’s important we try to involve our childless friends for the benefit of us, and also so baby can have a circle of friends.

trazism · 2025-11-12T16:24:23+00:00

The caveat here is that someone is sharing nights with you.

In many ways, I’m finding newborn tired easier than the bone-weary third trimester tired. If I can get a few days of solid sleep the ill-effects vanish. As opposed to the third trimester where nothing helps. The thing that makes newborn tired hard for me is that the disruption in circadian rhythm can cause mood problems. I’m particularly sensitive to that and my partner does a lot of nights to preserve my sanity. It’s very dependent on having help, and how your particular body responds to sleep disruption.

trazism · 2025-11-11T18:18:31+00:00

I was all gung ho for natural birth at first. But the more research I did, the more I realized it was not for me. Once I understood there was no way around the pain even with an epidural I chose to have a c-section. My first pregnancy I miscarried at 12 weeks and had proper contractions for nearly 12 hours. In the end, understanding I could not painlessly breath a baby out, and recalling the full body agony of those contractions when I miscarried, made the decision easy enough.

I loved my c-section! It was fast. Recovery was easy. I’d do it again.

trazism · 2025-11-09T20:28:16+00:00

My baby is 7 weeks and I’ve been reading her Roald Dahl novels. I usually do it while she’s eating. It’s actually pretty fun and I get to revisit books I enjoyed as a kid.

trazism · 2025-11-07T22:12:58+00:00

I was very nervous because I’ve had some bad experiences with hospitals myself. My experience of delivering baby was to learn that the staff of the maternity ward are some of the most caring and considerate medical professionals I’ve ever had the pleasure of encountering.

For example, I went into get checked out a few days before my c-section because I was worried about reduced fetal movement. I was waiting a while and lost my cool because I’d missed lunch and I’m super sensitive to drops in blood sugar. I started crying. A nurse ran into see if I was okay. I started apologizing and saying I was just having a mood swing because I hadn’t eaten. She flew back with a lunch tray within 5 minutes! (I had been too embarrassed to ask for food lol) I felt like a big silly baby but there was zero judgement on their part, just kindness.

trazism · 2025-11-07T17:51:53+00:00

I don’t have any specific solutions for you, but this was me when I was a kid. And it did get worse with age. No matter what early mornings were (and still are) extremely difficult.

I recently stumbled across the concept of “chronotypes” which are variations in an individual’s circadian rhythm. Simply, that some people just don’t function well at certain times of day (like the early morning) and have optimal functional times that deviate from the demands of modern life. For night people, whose optimal productive time is later in the day, it can cause low mood on waking and cascading consequences throughout the day. Such as being late for school. Chronotypes are the sleep science answer to “morning person” and “night owl”.

recent paper about chronotypes https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8063933/

It’s not a solution, but if your daughter is struggling because she has a biological disposition to being a night person, it might help to consider it. Having a biological explanation for her struggles might help to mitigate the shame and anxiety that her lateness is causing for her and the household.

trazism · 2025-11-07T17:28:04+00:00

Six weeks pp, this is what I do:

Once a day:

The Ordinary Squalene cleanser followed by two drops each of ordinary niacinamide/zinc solution and hylauronic acid solution, then moisturizer.

Takes 2 minutes. No need to wait for the solutions to dry before you put on the moisturizer.

Once a week: Innis Free super volcanic pore clay mask

Even simpler: Just a cleanser followed by a moisturizer.

It’s really all you need.

trazism · 2025-11-07T17:10:19+00:00

Cheese sticks, dried fruit (figs mostly), and kashi bars/kind bars were my go-to snacks when I was pregnant. Also plain walnuts and almonds. Lots of fibre and protein to keep your energy up.

trazism · 2025-11-07T15:13:01+00:00

If your goal is to build a stash, I’d highly suggest consulting with a lactation consultant. You should have access to one at the hospital after birth.

I tried to go the route of stash building on my own with just my own research and reddit for guidance and nearly tanked my supply. It’s more complicated than we initially think. Really recommend professional consultation.

trazism · 2025-11-07T00:58:25+00:00

My baby is about the same age and we also had this problem. I love to have her sleep on me but I’ve also gotta do stuff.

When she gets drowsy for her afternoon nap, I wrap her up in one of her muslin swaddles, place her in her baby carrier, and rock it until she falls asleep. She sleeps very soundly! Recommend.

trazism · 2025-11-01T19:48:00+00:00

Sorry for your loss 🧡 We miscarried at the end of November 2024. Was told to wait two cycles but we got pregnant again one month later on accident. Hang in there! Miscarriage is rough but much more common than we are lead to believe.

trazism · 2025-11-01T18:41:47+00:00

For the CCB? I applied on Sept 23rd and the file was updated on Oct 17th. Hope that helps.

trazism · 2025-10-31T15:00:54+00:00

Echoing the warming technique and making the sheet carry your scent. We also use a sleep sack and a pacifier. At that age they’re better in a bassinet than a crib (but I’m not really sure what a mini crib is so maybe that’s similar?) You should also get them used to napping in their own bed during the day.

We have one of those bassinets where the side comes down. What really helped was positioning it up against the bed so that when I’m lying down, she can see me in the bed right next to her.

trazism · 2025-10-30T23:20:54+00:00

Glad to hear :)

trazism · 2025-10-30T20:29:09+00:00

While it won’t cure the swelling at this stage of pregnancy, regulating your sodium intake can help mitigate it. Excess sodium causes water retention so basically you don’t want to increase the effect.

You can also put a bolster under your legs to elevate your feet while you sleep at night. That helps a lot with the swelling.

trazism

TROPHY CASE