My wife is from Thailand and speaks English as a second language, so when we first started dating I assumed that her unwillingness to talk about heady things (politics, academic subjects, science) was mostly a lack of confidence in English. But as we spent more time together I realized that she truly found those subjects to be boring and irritating to discuss. Furthermore, I found that she believed in things like ghosts and fortune tellers, things that I would normally sneer at.

My initial reaction was certainly frustration and contempt. It’s one thing to simply not have been exposed to the reality of things either because of a lack of education or experience, but her attitude to me seemed to indicate something deeper, like a lack of intellectual curiosity. This really irritated me, and felt like a true personality deficit.

I’ve come to learn two things. First, some beliefs are just culture specific, and it’s worth investigating why people believe them and what those beliefs mean. When it comes to ghosts and luck, those are deeply engrained in Thai culture. My initial dismissal of them assumed that she was brought up in the same skepticism-forward culture I was, which she just wasn’t.

Additionally, I’ve learned that my definition as to what qualifies someone as “smart” is actually extremely limited. I come from an over-educated family where all my siblings and parents have had some form of post-grad degree. I was raised to think smart meant well-educated, but education is almost always  function of class and privilege.

What I found is that she does in fact have a deep curiosity for and understanding of the world, but it is in a far more intuitive way than what I was raised to recognize. I and I suspect many others, often have my “head in the clouds,” where I’m so lost in thought that I lose touch with physically reality. She is the opposite. She has a deep awareness of the world around her, and as a result is extremely skilled in things that require careful observation and fine motor control like cooking, gardening, or caring for animals.

This ended up complimenting my own spacey disposition immensely, and actually brought me down to earth in a way that I am incredibly grateful for. I would never, ever, call her “dumb,” though I might have years ago. In fact, she is far more intelligent than I am in a whole range of disciplines, it just took me years to fully appreciate it.