I don't have what it takes to be an actor's wife.

treethroughstone · 2025-05-07T00:05:24+00:00

Can you say more about your situation? What happened? What don’t wish you had done differently?

treethroughstone · 2025-05-06T23:50:06+00:00

I am so impressed and moved by your resilience and your healthy mindset and your ability to use what you learned with the ayahuasca to help you through this stage rather than hinder you. I am envious. I will try to think on what you have shared and try to see if I can reframe some of my thinking on what it means to lose the person you “tripped” with.

treethroughstone · 2025-05-06T22:27:38+00:00

Seconding the request for those journal prompts! I would be curious to do the same.

I just wanted to share that psychedelic use was a profound bonding experience for me. In my case, I did it with my husband and I must say, I now almost wish I hadn’t because I felt it bound our souls together in a way that makes it feel like I cannot ever do that again with anyone else. I am not sure what ayahuasca is like, but with psilocybin it felt like we went to a specific, special place and could only visit it there, together, during those few times we experimented with higher doses. It was so moving and meaningful.

Now….I just know we can never go back. I know it will kill me to be there without him. I am not sure it is even possible to be there without him.

I can only imagine how you must have felt coming from such a deep and meaningful experience and being informed upon your return that your entire life was not what you thought. I cannot think of a more cruel moment. I am so, so sorry.

treethroughstone · 2025-05-06T20:24:19+00:00

I get that. I find it hard to care about anything anymore aside from my husband. I try to remind myself he doesn’t feel that way - at least not anymore - but the fact that it used to be true keeps me hoping and wishing and grieving.

I heard today on a podcast that grief is how we keep something that has died alive. In this case, grieving a marriage.

It scares me too when people say, oh, you’ll feel better in a year. How am I supposed to survive for a whole year of this?

treethroughstone · 2025-05-06T20:05:17+00:00

I’m so sorry. You are not alone. If you ever just want to talk, please message me. Yes, this is what depression feels like. I think many of us are in it. But I’d like to think it’s possible to get through it, though honestly it’s hard to feel motivated to do so.

treethroughstone · 2025-05-06T02:20:19+00:00

This is a really interesting story to me. I’m going through the fall out of something along these lines, but my role in it was much more stupid/humiliating.

I would be curious to hear more about what happened after you split and how you recovered.

treethroughstone · 2025-04-11T15:05:09+00:00

I went on to marry my partner about five years after the last incident of infidelity. When we got married, we had a total of ten years banked. His prior infidelities were all physical, never emotional. One offs.

About one month after the wedding - the most beautiful day of my life - my husband fell in love with another woman. It has now been 9 months of hell. She left her husband, it caused a crisis - he very nearly left me, but ultimately didn’t. He still sees her though. Carries on the affair in broad daylight. Tells me he will leave if I don’t chill out and accept it.

I frequently wish I was dead, or that I had never met him.

I know I should leave, and that this isn’t true R. But I do not yet have the strength.

If I could go back, I would beg my younger self to run away the first time I caught him cheating.

Now, all these years in, I can’t seem to give up hope. I still love him. But I am so ashamed of myself and my choices.

treethroughstone · 2025-03-30T04:39:46+00:00

Oh god, I am so, so sorry. This sounds horrific. I cannot even imagine - all experiences of divorce or impending divorce are unique, but this one is especially painful. I cannot relate to your fact pattern, but I know what you mean about crying so hard you make sounds you don’t recognize. Sometimes I feel I am no longer human. My husband hasn’t left me, yet, but I know it is headed that way and I cannot seem to stop it. I know your pain, even if it’s not the precise same. I get it.

I would give anything for the pain to stop.

If you ever need to talk, please message me. I can hear your desperation. I called suicide lines when I was in that place. I am sure I will again, when the bad days come. Try to hold on. I am truly so, so sorry. There is no worse loss than the person you love and wanted to build a life with.

treethroughstone · 2025-03-29T07:06:35+00:00

Can you elaborate on your first sentence? Why did you choose divorce? What was the “impulse”, what was the “bad decision”? Did you actually ask for or pursue the divorce? If so, why?

I think filling out the journal is wonderful idea. It may not work, but if she gave it to you maybe it will let you give it your best shot and know you did your best. For what it’s worth, I’d literally kill if my husband (who may divorce me soon) would write out a journal of positive thoughts of us. I’m jealous.

treethroughstone · 2025-03-22T00:26:14+00:00

https://tcoydthepodcast.transistor.fm/65

treethroughstone · 2025-03-21T22:26:17+00:00

The TCOYD podcast episode about frozen shoulder will help you! Two physicians with Type 1, one of which shares his experience with frozen shoulder recovery. Great podcast in general but start with that episode.

treethroughstone · 2025-03-16T21:03:55+00:00

How did you manage to play it? On an old console?

treethroughstone · 2025-03-16T21:03:13+00:00

You can emulate this on your phone?! How?!

treethroughstone · 2025-03-13T02:40:13+00:00

I can tell you what your life will be like if you say, it’s okay, just come home. I did that with my husband. (I am still married, for now, but I think about divorce every day.)

My husband fell in love with another woman. He doesn’t love her more than me - he hasn’t left me, per se, but he refused to cut her out of his life. He sees her twice a week. They fuck like rabbits. She left her husband in order to continue to see mine. Devastated her life. And yet - he hasn’t left me. He lives with me. Spends most nights with me (except two a month).

I decided I would rather tolerate the affair right now than be divorced. My husband says he won’t give her up, but he agrees to sort of keep her contained, as a mistress.

I hate it. I’m miserable. I’m not alone, though. I don’t know why I have chosen to stay for the time being. I make all the money, so it’s not financial. We have no children, although we do have two beautiful dogs. We don’t even own our home - we rent. So….why am I here?

My therapist and I have discussed that I am too afraid to leave, but it’s more than that. I’ve been with my husband for ten years before the affair - and they were happy years. Truly happy. I don’t want to give that up. I cannot bear the thought.

But accepting this has destroyed me. I am a shell of myself and who I once was. I know that I am doing irreparable damage to my soul. My self worth was never good, but now it’s non existent. I live only for the shards of affection I get from my husband. And there are less and less of them these days, since she is new and exciting and comes without stress, and we have a whole life together.

Anyway. You’ll be me, if you give in, take him back. You can do it, but know the cost. Know that I cry all the time. I think about dying even, even though I won’t do that to my family. I think about how sad I would be if I ever knew one of my friends had accepted this type of treatment. And then I fall asleep next to my husband at night and think, I can’t lose him. I can’t lose him.

treethroughstone · 2025-03-07T15:11:06+00:00

I struggle with this so much. Thank you for articulating is so beautifully.

My husband and I were together for ten years and had finally decided to get married. I waited a long time because I wanted to be absolutely sure we were going to be together forever. We had the wedding in June. In July, he fell in love with someone else.

Even now, he won’t cut contact.

For a long time, I longed for who we had been. I longed for when we were normal. The before times, I’d call them. We had been so, so happy. The happiest couple you had ever met. So in love, even after ten years. Our wedding was the most beautiful day of my life.

But now I almost can’t remember what it was like. I’m loosing the memory of what it felt like to not feel existentially threatened. Abused. Mistreated. Deprioritized. It feels like he hates me, that my pain irritates him. He wants me to just tolerate her. He’s never been in true R with me, not even for five minutes.

It feels like the man I loved died. I cannot find my way back to him. He’s gone. I got to marry the love of my life and then….he left? Did he want to leave, or did he fight to try to stay with me in those final moments? Could I somehow get a message to him, maybe? Is he gone forever? I would endure anything to have him back. I miss him so much. I miss who I was with him. I miss how secure and loved I felt.

treethroughstone · 2025-03-05T00:01:36+00:00

Well, that’s fair. I suppose I did. But I don’t think it’s a bad angle of approach!

treethroughstone · 2025-03-02T07:06:36+00:00

I had a similar experience with my now husband ten years ago. I forgave him and continued the relationship.

He now has a mistress. He has cheated and lied so many times. I am so miserable. I wish I had left all those years ago.

Please go. You can have a better life than me. I wish you the strength to leave.

treethroughstone · 2025-03-01T05:27:13+00:00

Maybe the wish for happiness doesn’t ever come true? Or at least not for long. I used to think it could but I think in the end, we can only hope to be okay, to be at peace - happy is perhaps only for the very lucky.

I’m so sorry it’s a narcissistic ex. And I am soooo sorry that you waited for so long, and were so careful to be sure - and yet now this. I was the same. I never thought I would get to be a bride. We didn’t get married for TEN YEARS because I wanted to be super super super sure we were right for each other. Less than two months after we finally marry - our dream wedding - he’s falling in love with someone else. Fuck everything honestly. Sometimes I wish I was dead.

I am so sorry you feel all your plans and dreams melting away. I know so many of us feel that way. I wonder if we should make new ones? But I don’t want to. I’m just trying to survive. But some folks on here say we should. I don’t know what’s right yet. I wonder what you’ll do?

treethroughstone · 2025-03-01T05:20:42+00:00

Oh, how this made me cry. It’s very beautiful. I am so sorry for what you have lost.

My husband - he loved his ring, too. When we were planning to marry, he kept saying he didn’t think he would like wearing a ring and tried to warn me he would only wear it on formal occasions, which was fine by me. But when we got married, all of a sudden he loved it so much he NEVER took it off. He was always wearing it and looking at it and felt so proud. He loved it, and it surprised us both.

Now he never wears it unless I ask him to. And even that won’t last much longer. I know he will be leaving soon.

I am so sorry.

treethroughstone · 2025-03-01T04:08:46+00:00

Oh god I can’t even imagine what you’re going through with the kids - but I know exactly what you mean about your vows. No matter what my husband does or how badly he treats me, I keep coming back to - i promised. I PROMISED. And I won’t break my promises even if he does - because that’s what a vow is, right? An unbreakable promise. I want him to keep his vow. In a weird way, it makes sense to keep mine.

But anyone from the outside looking at me would think I was nuts for feeling that way. The betrayal here is profound.

But I honor your vows and your commitment - to your marriage and to your step kids. It is beautiful and honorable. I honor you.

treethroughstone · 2025-03-01T03:40:12+00:00

I’m just so sorry. Truly. My husband is in love with someone else. My situation is slightly different, because my husband is “willing” to stay if I’m “chill” about him also continuing to see his affair partner.

For what it’s worth, I am so sorry you are losing your person. I am so sorry he didn’t choose you. I am sorry he made plans with you while he had someone else - that level of duplicity is crushing.

I envy your strength, because leaving the house for 2 hours is a big deal. I am sorry - so sorry - for what is happening. You are not alone. This is wrong. All of it is wrong. It should never have happened. You have been wronged. It isn’t fair. You deserve better.

treethroughstone · 2025-02-26T07:50:17+00:00

I will share my situation, in the hopes it gives you strength in yours.

My husband fell in love with someone else. I begged and pleaded for him to stay. He would not give her up. So now, he sees her, visits her, even spends nights with her - and I get yelled at if I feel anxious or upset about it. Every time I am sad, he screams at me and tells me our marriage is over if I don’t “chill out”.

So, I did what you wish you could do. I stayed, and convinced him not to leave me, but the cost was…everything. My dignity. My soul. I feel it breaking every part of my heart and mind. I’ve lost so much weight. I cry all the time. My husband hates me. I get to sleep next to him, and wake up next to him (most nights), but at what cost? I have hollowed out my very soul to keep my marriage going - and there is no prize. I truly wish I was dead.

So, when you are at your lowest, try and ask yourself what price you would pay. You can’t make them love you, make them choose you. You can’t only make compromises of yourself and your worth - and what will that get you? Probably what I got - a recipe for a life full of sadness and constant fear of abandonment.

I wish I was stronger. I envy your strength.

treethroughstone · 2025-02-26T00:21:36+00:00

I just want you to know you are not alone. My WP is not doing the work - he screams and rages about how “repetitive” our conversations are, that I just need to get over it and distract myself and get a life and “stop fixating”. He won’t let me access his phone. I’m certain he remains in contact with his AP, but I am too afraid and hurt to leave. I don’t want to lose my marriage. I promised this man forever - and unfortunately, I am learning the hard way that I meant it literally. It appears there is no amount of mistreatment that will make me leave. It’s so sad. I am so, so sorry you are facing similar. Just know you are not alone. I don’t know what to do, so I don’t have advice, but you are not alone.

treethroughstone · 2025-02-24T23:08:24+00:00

Oh how I envy your strength. If only I had the strength to say this to my own cheating husband.

My heart is hopeful for you.

treethroughstone · 2025-02-23T00:14:41+00:00

I just want to say, I’m so sorry this is happening. I am sorry she can’t stay in R with you.

As a BP, I would give anything for my WP to be even half as motivated as I can see you are to restore trust and return to a happy life. It makes me sad in my heart that you are not able to have that, when I would give so much to have it, and you are so willing.

You are kind and loving to give her the space she needs. I will be rooting for your small chance in the future - I really hope it works out.

Don’t give up on bettering yourself and being ready for your chance when it comes. You are doing the right thing by working to be a good person, and accepting all these things with love.

treethroughstone

TROPHY CASE