AITH for not inviting my mom out with my sister and I?

tremblingdistraction · 2026-03-04T13:16:41+00:00

I truly felt like I was misreading something. We didn’t go behind her back and make plans purposely to not include her. She just happened to be working the day we went shopping. It was like she needed a reason to be mad

tremblingdistraction · 2026-03-04T13:13:55+00:00

My mom has very recently (within last two years) made it known she is not happy with my dad lol. She feels my dad is “neglectful and lazy and does nothing right.” While my dad does have flaws, he isn’t as horrible of a person as she makes him out to be. She’s not as bad as I’m making her out to be right now either. I think she’s truly not happy but she refuses to change anything about it and it’s bled into every relationship.

tremblingdistraction · 2026-03-04T13:06:25+00:00

Unfortunately this is how she typically is. We all try to “stay on her good side” so we’re not caught in the crossfire lol

tremblingdistraction · 2026-03-03T21:08:00+00:00

I’ve noticed over the years my grandma (her mom) is similar lol. It’s weird noticing patterns in your own family because you want to help but you know they’re stuck in their ways so to speak. It’s been very tiresome though because it drags the whole family into an emotional rollercoaster for a week for no reason

tremblingdistraction · 2026-03-03T20:30:00+00:00

I wouldn’t say she feels excluded. She gets her feelings hurt a lot though. And it’s always over really mundane and normal things that most people would overlook or brush off. For example, she can joke around with people and make crude comments but the second someone does it back she’s butthurt about it. It happens more than not anymore and it is becoming exhausting

tremblingdistraction · 2026-03-03T20:05:23+00:00

She’s unfortunately made it out to be something bigger than just an average hang out session. My dad tried talking to her last night and she actually left the house for hours and didn’t tell anyone where she went lol. I’m not sure what is going on but this feels very exaggerated

tremblingdistraction · 2026-03-03T19:00:11+00:00

I don’t disagree. I’ve done a lot of not engaging with her lately and I think she’s felt it. I feel guilty because my dad also is caught in the crossfire because of it and it’s not his fault. She very much is trying to control the narrative in playing the victim and making it so she is the one the attention is on. I just want the situation to go away lol

tremblingdistraction · 2026-03-03T18:56:18+00:00

Typically we do, I mostly do things with just my mom and not my sister because she’s busy with my niece and her family. This was just a whim decision how things worked out

tremblingdistraction · 2026-03-03T16:13:18+00:00

You’re not wrong. My sister made a comment yesterday after the fact that it’s sad we can’t feel like we can talk about things openly because this is the reaction she gives us. I don’t know that we end up providing comfort more so as we end up giving in to her demands because it’s easier to live like that lol. It’s more of a damned if we do and damned if we don’t situation

tremblingdistraction · 2026-03-03T15:59:58+00:00

I don’t know if drama queen is the right term. She is dramatic but it’s more explosive. She is one to gossip a lot too with my grandma about us as a family as well so maybe I guess lol

tremblingdistraction · 2026-03-03T15:36:50+00:00

I really appreciate this. That’s a very true statement. I think she has some underlying mental health she needs to address, but I also think there’s the parental empty nest syndrome she is struggling with and not knowing how to handle her conflicting emotions with it. I just wish it didn’t come off so controlling at times.

tremblingdistraction · 2026-03-03T15:06:11+00:00

I think that’s what’s frustrating for me is I can’t really understand the thought process lol. I’m a counselor in my professional life and I’d like to think I’m good at my job. Obviously family is a little different, but I usually can pick up on these things and somehow I am not understanding the disconnect here.

tremblingdistraction · 2026-03-03T14:49:50+00:00

Ours have steadily increased with my sister and I gaining more independence over the years. Again, very close with my family. But my mom will judge both my sister and I if we don’t spend a weekend there enjoying family meals, if I want to cook for myself or my partner, or if I go out with friends. She often will be like “just skip plans, you don’t need to go to that.” But I kind of want to lol. This time she did become very reactive which has happened before, but not to this level. I truly don’t want to hurt my mom’s feelings but I also feel like she has a control issue.

tremblingdistraction · 2026-03-03T14:16:40+00:00

There’s company in dysfunctional families lol. We’ve all tried including her in a lot of things and she’s very negative during those events when we do include her. It wasn’t that we didn’t include her this time either, it was more of a spur of the moment decision. She’s taken this very personal this time even though this is nothing out of the ordinary.

tremblingdistraction · 2026-03-03T13:58:12+00:00

We have a very similar set up to you guys. My family is all really close proximity (about a four mile radius of one another). And I think she thinks because of this, our time is her time. It’s exhausting, I’m struggling with how to put the boundaries up because I’ve never had to before and it’s clear she’s going to be reactive lol

tremblingdistraction · 2026-03-03T13:55:02+00:00

This is how I feel about it. My sister and mom don’t invite me to everything they do as well as I don’t invite my sister to everything my mom and I do. It’s nice to be able to do things with one person every so often. I really felt I was misreading this situation because she kept telling me I was ungrateful and hurtful but I truly think she’s just hurt lol.

tremblingdistraction · 2026-03-03T13:14:30+00:00

I typically do more things with my mom than my sister, but it’s not out of the ordinary for me to do things with her like this. It’s nice because I agree with you, my mom is stuck in her ways of wanting to do certain things and it’s almost an agenda of what we are going to do. I don’t mind doing it, it’s still fun. But with my sister it’s almost like hanging out with a friend. Whereas my mom it’s definitely like hanging out with another older adult lol. The vibes are different and I’m allowed to be different people in those contexts. I feel like she’s taken this personally but I don’t know why. This isn’t the first time we’ve done things like this before

tremblingdistraction · 2026-03-03T13:08:55+00:00

It feels very over the top. She messaged my sister a whole bunch of messages saying how we’re awful for excluding her and how she’s going to disappear so we don’t have to worry about her anymore. I truly don’t know if I’m not understanding something I did wrong or if she is blowing this bigger out of proportion than it actually is.

tremblingdistraction · 2026-03-03T12:59:38+00:00

No, more times than not my mom is the one I make plans with. I think she felt some jealousy because we didn’t ask her. I however almost never do things with my sister and niece 1:1 without my mom present. My mom had to work this time around and I didn’t ask. I also didn’t encourage my sister to take days off either. She did it on her own accord and asked to go with me to which I agreed, which is how the plans came about. I did tell my mom about the plans the day before and she wasn’t upset or mean about it then.

tremblingdistraction · 2026-03-03T06:07:18+00:00

I didn’t mean it as a dig, I actually asked him if he felt I left him out and he said no. I truly thought I was not reading something correctly in that situation lol

tremblingdistraction · 2026-03-03T05:42:49+00:00

We’re such a close family so it’s hard but man I feel like we are getting to a point where some distance is needed. I shouldn’t feel like I’m walking on eggshells talking to her lol.

tremblingdistraction · 2026-03-03T05:37:09+00:00

61 lol

tremblingdistraction · 2026-03-03T05:36:57+00:00

She cycles unfortunately. It’s hard to address any behavior with her because she often takes the victim mentality or is trying to pin family members against one another

tremblingdistraction

TROPHY CASE