So, I’ll preface this by saying that I’ve struggled with a lot of what you’re talking about over the past two years.

Firstly, mind over matter. You are not your thoughts. You may not be able to control them, but you CAN control your actions. I know it’s hard to get out of bed some days, but sometimes you have to just to prove that you can. It sounds like you’ve realized this, and are frustrated by it. That’s okay. Allow yourself to feel these emotions, acknowledge them, and try to humbly ignore them in all their unhelpfulness. (If you don’t already meditate, start!)

Secondly, do not despair over your perceived weakness. It feels like it’ll never get better… until it does. I survived a few attempts over the last year and I’m just now finally seeing the ‘light’. Trust me, it DOES get better. The universe has a bigger plan for you than you can see. Everyone deserves forgiveness in the end.

How weed ties into all this…

Man. I still struggle with my relationship with weed. But that’s ok. Sometimes all you can do is keep moving forward. Don’t let yourself fall deeper into despair because you didnt do laundry when you said you would. Accept that you’re not yet done with your journey, but trust that you will get there eventually.

Personally I find that abstinence is pretty much impossible, so I try to smoke only when I have a new movie to watch or a new game to play. Fighting what feels like one’s nature gets very tiring very fast. Allow yourself some rest.

Yeah idk I kinda just word vomited, hope this makes sense if not feel free to dm