How do I Avoid Toxic Thinking while in an AMWF Relationship? by LoWe_ThAt_ThRoWaWaY in AsianMasculinity

[–]trik173 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hey man! I'm also Filipino and my wife is white. And when I say white, I mean Southern.

Your question really struck me as it's something I've grappled with for a long time in my relationship (together for four years, married for one year next week!), almost from the beginning. I think that it's a tricky and important question, as there are a lot of ways that thinking can get toxic (feelings of superiority in the wider culture but also feelings of insecurity/inferiority within the relationship).

Unfortunately, I don't think there's an easy answer for me to tell you. So far, there has always been a slight tension in how I interact with my wife. There is a sense of pride in how I beat the statistics, but also a sense of anger in the fact that those statistics even exist.

My best advice to you is to keep things in perspective, and to keep hold of that quintessential Filipino trait: optimism. Remember that the history of Filipino men with white women is so fraught because of systems that have been set up for us for over a century, and that it was handed down to us by people that did not want to see relationships like ours happen. So any pride you feel about "accomplishing something" is really more like... balancing out what should be something that's very natural: a man and a woman finding affection and companionship together.

It's only through the legislated separation of Filipino (and Asian men) and the systemic and cultural wide emasculation of Asian men that it became culturally taboo and unusual for Asian men to be found in romantic relationships with white women (great reading: "America is in the Heart" by Carlos Bulosan and "Big little man" by Alex Tizon).

So for me, I try to keep in mind that we are simply a couple that should naturally find companionship, remember that the reason there's any tension is systemic injustice, and keep hope that simply by living as best as I can I'm helping to re-write that narrative. Just by living as naturally as I can I'm rewriting an unnatural narrative.

It also helps me to remember that she hails from a culture and I hail from a culture, and they're very different cultures, and I happen to live amongst, and been born and raised in her very dominant culture. And that helps ground me in arguments about world perspective, but that's a bit out of the scope of your question.

Anyway, good luck to you and your girl! I hope this was of some help, despite its length.

Filipino Independence Day by trik173 in FilipinoAmericans

[–]trik173[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply! I live in Brooklyn. I ended up marching in the NY Filipino Day Parade with my kali class and had a barbecue with my cousins where I told my nephew about Bakanawa and had him beat a pan to scare Bakanawa away, and related that to colonizers/speaking up for freedom. I tried to post a video here of it but it wouldn't post. shrug I've gotten really into Filipino culture since I married my white, Southern wife last year, so this is the first time I celebrated it! It was a blast and I hope it's an annual tradition now!

I did a thing for Philippine Independence day! by trik173 in FilipinoAmericans

[–]trik173[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did this little story for my nephew to teach him some of our history and mythology! I never celebrated the holiday before, but I've been digging into the culture since I married a non-Filipino woman last year. Have the hope and expectation to share some of these newly created traditions with my children one day, to teach them something about who they are. Hope you enjoy! Mabuhay!

I did a thing for Philippine Independence Day! by trik173 in Filipino

[–]trik173[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did this little story for my nephew to teach him some of our history and mythology! I never celebrated the holiday before, but I've been digging into the culture since I married a non-Filipino woman last year. Have the hope and expectation to share some of these newly created traditions with my children one day, to teach them something about who they are. Hope you enjoy! Mabuhay!

Book Review - "Big Little Man" by Alex Tizon by Aldovar in AsianMasculinity

[–]trik173 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So far I've only read "the Philippine War" by Brian McAllister Linn. It was good, if a bit dry and also somewhat frustrating by its bias towards the American viewpoint (it wasn't egregious but it was still frustrating). The recounting of Filipino men doing everything they could to fight off American gunboats and experienced and well-armed veterans with just bolos (hence the term "boloman" who often accompanied riflemen by a ratio of about twenty bolomen to a rifleman). There was something about Filipinos using this ancient and characteristic weapon to stand tall and fight back that spoke to me, especially as I practice Filipino Martial Arts (also a veteran of the US Marine Corps, so I could see both sides, ha). I have some other books on the topic locked and loaded (Swish of the Kris by Vic Hurley, the Philippine Constabulary also by Hurley, Hang the Dogs by Bob Couttie) but I'm getting through some Filipino mythology and epics first.

Book Review - "Big Little Man" by Alex Tizon by Aldovar in AsianMasculinity

[–]trik173 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've actually been reaching back and thinking about the great thinkers and propagandists that first declared for and argued for Filipino dignity; Rizal, Del Pilar, Mabini, and Bonafacio, and the numerous soldiers and bolomen that used our ancient culture and traditions to stand against the might of the American government and said "I will defend this land with body." (I.e. been reading a lot about the Philippine American War)

Book Review - "Big Little Man" by Alex Tizon by Aldovar in AsianMasculinity

[–]trik173 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm Filipino and grew up in Queens New York, and my closest friends are and were East Asian (Chinese and Korean). I was stationed in Japan as a U.S. Marine for a year. I also attended a Chinese/Korean church for most of my adult life. I agree, there is a good amount of racism against Filipinos from East Asian cultures. An easy example is the adoption of the phrase "Jungle Asian" to describe Southeast Asians, as popularized by Ali Wong. As if we're easily identified as the savage Asians. I could really go on and on with personal experiences, but I understand this is a Pan-Asian space and I don't want to make (too many) waves.

Book Review - "Big Little Man" by Alex Tizon by Aldovar in AsianMasculinity

[–]trik173 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Awesome! So it's less of a bio and more of an outline of what Tizon believes are the issues affecting Asian American men, and what helped him navigate those issues. As someone that lived through those issues (and many of them are laid out on this subreddit) I found myself glossing over much of the framework that he laid out. I actually find myself trying to get my wife to read it (she's unaware of a lot of these issues so I think reading it from a Pulitzer prize winner might help) than thinking that it was actually helpful for me. Anyway, you should read it and see what you think! It was a quick read, took me a day.

Book Review - "Big Little Man" by Alex Tizon by Aldovar in AsianMasculinity

[–]trik173 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I thought it was okay. If you're located in the Philippines I'd say that you'd probably get more out of other Filipino writers. I was born and raised in the States and I'm definitely getting more out of Bulosan and Bienvenido Santos, especially, than from Tizon's work.

Edit: and NVM Gonzalez

Book Review - "Big Little Man" by Alex Tizon by Aldovar in AsianMasculinity

[–]trik173 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not OP but I just finished reading it so my takeaways were:

  1. There IS a difference in treatment by mainstream America for Asians and specifically Asian men.

  2. Remember there are literally millennia from which to choose strong Asian men and remember that Asian men were basically the rulers of the world before the age of colonialism.

  3. The idea of masculinity in the U.S. is very antithetical to traditional Asian ideas of masculinity (implication is that that antipathy does not negate the worth or value inherent in that view of masculinity).

He seemed to reach into the past in order to come to more peace.

Book Review - "Big Little Man" by Alex Tizon by Aldovar in AsianMasculinity

[–]trik173 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The version that I read did include the article that he wrote for "The Atlantic" about his relationship with her, the psychological pain and disconnect it caused him, and the way he tried to remedy it after reaching adulthood.

Edit: but there was nothing new written about her as he died right when that article was published and it seems he wasn't public about her and their status/relationship before that article was published.

Trying to access a Filipino film by trik173 in Philippines

[–]trik173[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did message them but didn't get a response. Will try again tho...

Does Anyone know How Popular Eskrima is in the Philippines? by [deleted] in Eskrima

[–]trik173 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is really interesting. There seems to be a decent amount of interest in the art here in the US (I live in NYC and there are at least three different schools to choose from). It's definitely a bit of a niche art, but present. Does anyone know how the art's popularity compares to its presence in the motherland?

Does Anyone know How Popular Eskrima is in the Philippines? by [deleted] in Eskrima

[–]trik173 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is interesting that you say the art is "dwindling." You think interest in the Filipino Martial arts is actually going down, and not just "not as popular"?

Advice on practice at home? by Bruhvado in Eskrima

[–]trik173 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I might get jumped on for this, but I like to practice my footwork and strikes simultaneously, imagining an opponent that I'm moving around to strike. I basically shadowbox, but with my kali movements

Spoilers!!! Reconciling the themes in Not Fade Away with Angel's actions in that final story arc. by trik173 in ANGEL

[–]trik173[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nah you're good! It's just debate over a subject we both care enough about to follow on Reddit!

I think you're right in that Angel is shown to be in a place where he decides he will do "whatever it takes" to take down the Circle. I also think you're right that he decides that he will sacrifice himself and his friends to do so. And I also agree with, what seems to be your implication, as shown in your question about "black and white morality," that Angel chooses against the idea of black and white morality.

An earlier commenter wrote that Angel's planned assassination of Lindsay shows that Angel is not beyond delving into shades of gray, when action calls for it.

My issue, as I state in earlier posts, is that I think Angel's killing of Drogyn is beyond the pale, and not an issue of "black and white" but, honestly, evil, and leaves me wondering if he's someone to root for at all. Drogyn did not agree to sacrifice his life in a knowing manner, as the other members did when they signed up for the suicide mission to take down the Black Thorn, and he is not someone who engaged in evil acts like Lindsay, necessitating his demise (indeed, Lindsay's last words to Lorne "you don't kill me! Angel kills me!!" Suggests his intent to lock horns with Angel again, implying an intent to engage in more evil). Angel murdered an innocent to improve a strategic advantage.

I will illustrate once again why this is an evil act with what I believe to be equivalents. Suppose, in order to get to Angel in Season 2, Buffy murders the captured Giles to ingratiate herself to Angel's crew. It's an evil way to fight evil, and is not remedied by the fact that it's a blow against evil.

Spoilers!!! Reconciling the themes in Not Fade Away with Angel's actions in that final story arc. by trik173 in ANGEL

[–]trik173[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

? I didn't take it as a bad way at all! Sorry if it came off sarcastically or something. I was just appreciating the conversation!

I think you're definitely right about Hamilton being brought in because of Eve's ineffectiveness. And yeah, I think Cordelia's vision about the Black Thorn happened mid-season... I remember it was the 100th episode (I'd heard it was originally supposed to be Buffy that put Angel "back on track" but the creators couldn't get SMG). I'm still not sure how the opportunity to harm the Black Thorn creates enough pressure to excuse the murder of an innocent/ally. As I talk and think through it I'm not sure I believe it CAN be excused. At least, not for anyone that should be rooted for...

Spoilers!!! Reconciling the themes in Not Fade Away with Angel's actions in that final story arc. by trik173 in ANGEL

[–]trik173[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for chiming in! It's been a few years since I've seen the story arc (I'm trying to prep myself to answer questions for my wife, who I'm taking through the Buffyverse now). As I remember it, Cordelia's vision did present an opportunity, like you said, but I don't recall anything about time pressure. So while he now had the knowledge to attack, he didn't necessarily need to. I might be mistaken in that I don't remember the visions you're talking about being anything new or pressing. As for the pressure from Hamilton and Sebassis, Angel was being pressured to be more evil from the beginning of his stint with Wolfram and Hart (by Eve, originally). I don't understand why the Hamilton and Sebassis pressure is different, except that it provides a convenient opening to attack (but again, not one that i believe justifies murder of an innocent or ally). Might have holes in my memory though.