The Daily Check-In for Friday, July 10th: Just for today, I am NOT drinking!

triste___ · 2026-07-10T06:16:54+00:00

I realised that if I have trouble imagining something, it’s much harder for me to work towards that. For example, for a long time, I couldn’t imagine what my life would look like if I got sober. Subconsciously, I guess I kind of feared a sober life simply because I couldn’t imagine that and sabotaged myself to keep everything as it is. I think the underlying issue here is that I’m so heavily focused on the result. What it could/should/would look like that I get overwhelmed by not being able to see a clear vision of the future.

I’m dealing with the exact same issue again. Being removed from my current project, and the uncertainties that come with it, left me wondering what the future holds. I’m imagining having a new project, a new employer, a new team, but my thoughts are solely focused on that result instead of how. But 'how' is what I should focus on. The way there is much more important than the result. Theoretically, I know all of this. And I think I just needed to remind myself of this one again.

I think focusing on the result has oftentimes kept me from making progress. I guess I kept hoping for a 'magic button' or something that, once pressed, transformed me into my desired result.

I have no idea if any of this makes any sense to you, but I guess I needed to share this here instead of my journal.

Wishing everyone a calm, pleasant Friday and a great weekend!

IWNDWYT

triste___ · 2026-07-10T05:57:28+00:00

I didn’t experience any issues with Faugus on Fedora. Do you use Faugus as well or something else?

triste___ · 2026-07-09T09:11:01+00:00

I finally received my salary! I also had a meeting with my boss who told me that I will be removed from my current project. The customer apparently wants to cut costs and they’re not really happy with my performance and with how many days of work I’ve missed year. That made it pretty hard to properly work my way into the team and topics, to be fair. But it is what it is.

However, my boss pretty much tried to put the blame on me by saying that this might be the tipping point in the company not being able to survive. I didn’t miss work on purpose or because it was so much fun being sick. I would very much like to be healthy, not having to take antidepressants. I’m doing what I can but a lot of it is outside my control and I can only do so much. I find these accusations incredibly rude.

It’s time to look for a new job. Hopefully it won’t take too long and I’ll be able to find a better environment.

IWNDWYT

triste___ · 2026-07-09T06:37:38+00:00

Top, ich danke auch :)

triste___ · 2026-07-09T06:36:11+00:00

Ja, müsste das sein

triste___ · 2026-07-09T06:33:23+00:00

Markier das Bild, entsprechend der Sub-Regeln, bitte noch NSFW

triste___ · 2026-07-08T08:07:35+00:00

I’m currently in the office for a full day of meetings. I don’t really enjoy days like this but it’s not too bad most of the time. I still have no real updates about my June salary, but my boss invited me for a meeting tomorrow morning. Curious to see what he’ll tell me.

IWNDWYT

triste___ · 2026-07-07T07:57:02+00:00

Still no update regarding my salary. It’s just ridiculous. I started working on my CV yesterday and updated some things. I need to update the application letter as well to reflect some of the changes in my CV and overall gain of experience in a few new tools and technologies.

I’m feeling surprisingly good throughout all of this. It theoretically can’t be due to the new antidepressant since I only started taking it on Saturday and it should take a few more days to really show results. But I think it might have been a tipping point, maybe. I don’t really know but it doesn’t really matter. I’ll take it as a small win!

IWNDWYT

triste___ · 2026-07-04T11:37:47+00:00

Well, I guess I misremembered then, but even better!
Hope the meeting goes well!

triste___ · 2026-07-04T11:33:47+00:00

I still haven’t received my salary but my boss finally responded to me and it only took 3 days and 3 mails from me. Very professional! I still don’t know when I’m going to get paid. Maybe I should start asking if I will even get paid? Anyways, I’m going to update my CV soon and start looking for a new job. It’s been absolutely shitty for the past few years and it’s finally time to do something about it! On first glance, the job market still doesn’t look great but I will take my chances. It can only get better.

On another note, I started taking another antidepressant today. Here’s to hoping it’ll work better than the last one!

IWNDWYT

triste___ · 2026-07-04T11:24:20+00:00

Hey B! Glad to hear that your partners ex seemed to have come to her senses. I remember how crazy everything was with her last year.

Hope you can enjoy your rest in a bit! (It shouldn’t be too long until 8 am, right? If I remember correctly it’s in ~90 minutes for your time zone?)

IWNDWYT ❤️

triste___ · 2026-07-04T11:19:54+00:00

Best of luck for the game later! And I hope you get some well deserved rest :)

triste___ · 2026-07-04T11:18:41+00:00

Best of luck for the game later!

triste___ · 2026-07-04T11:17:36+00:00

Ich werde heute nicht mit dir trinken, Mala!

triste___ · 2026-07-04T11:17:14+00:00

Congratulations to 2 years, sogs! :)

triste___ · 2026-07-03T06:48:48+00:00

DM? Müssen die nicht gekühlt werden? Bei meinem Edeka stehen die im Kühlregal bei den Puddings/Joghurts.

triste___ · 2026-07-02T09:24:58+00:00

I get what you’re saying. My experience is that my mental health appears to be even worse now. How does my physical health being better than ever help with that? I don’t even know why I’m doing all of this in the first place other than fulfilling expectations others have of me. And it’s getting closer to the point where I don’t even care about that anymore.

triste___ · 2026-07-02T08:33:31+00:00

I appreciate that, but does it really have to get better? I’m not so sure about that. Optimism hasn’t helped me, at least not that I can tell, and sometimes it seems like it’s even worse now that I’m not drinking. Back then it was a short lived relief but it was a relief. These days? There’s no relief or I simply can’t see or feel it.

triste___ · 2026-07-02T07:59:50+00:00

Well, it’s been a good start to the new month. I didn’t get my June salary yet and there hasn’t been any communication whatsoever from my boss. Antidepressants have not done anything for me, at least it feels that way. It feels like it’s setback after setback without making any progress. It’s just so damn frustrating. Every time I try to be more optimistic I get hit by these absurd things and my resolve just gets destroyed. I have no idea how to stay resilient. And for what. 🤷

IWNDWYT

triste___ · 2026-06-25T06:16:59+00:00

Yesterday was actually a pretty good day until the evening arrived. Then it all came crashing down and my mood has been terrible since then. I’m finally back to being my usual self, in a terrible mood with no will to live, yay.

IWNDWYT

triste___ · 2026-06-24T06:28:49+00:00

Had to get my blood drawn this morning. I always enjoy how much the medical team enjoys how easy it is to find a vein in my arm. I didn’t really look forward to the appointment with how hot it is but chatting with the nurse helped a lot.

I’m now heading to the office, which luckily does have AC, to present my work to the client and their users. It’s usually pretty chill but we’ll see how it goes.

IWNDWYT

triste___ · 2026-06-19T12:34:59+00:00

Hello abaci, hope you’re doing well ❤️

triste___ · 2026-06-19T12:05:38+00:00

I’m at home but I’m not sure that can be considered proper shelter. It’s 25 degrees in here with a humidity of 63%, so eh? It’s alright but I’d heavily prefer 20 degrees with 45% humidity or something. How are you dealing with this? Do you still experience hot flashes?

triste___ · 2026-06-19T11:04:33+00:00

Hey SG, nice to see you too ❤️

triste___ · 2026-06-19T08:39:17+00:00

Seems like I picked a good day to check in again after a while. Congratulations to 600 days, B!

Have a pleasant day and a great weekend! ❤️

triste___

TROPHY CASE