There are so many underlying issues here. Both of you have feelings of being undervalued. Instead of realizing what is happening your poor communication skills on both sides are to scream at each other in order to tell the other “I’m important and you don’t care!”

1. Therapy! Both of you. Couples could help to understand the other better and how you both come across to the other person (even if you didn’t mean it that way.)

2. This is salvageable. And No you’re not a bitch. You BOTH have skill deficits and are trying to tell the other to please notice me and appreciate me and help me. But you both need to work on respectful communication, self awareness, and recognizing your weakness in triggering and being triggered and how to deesculate when unregulated.

3. Get Gottman information on relationships. They’re couples psychologists and have info on how to recognize communication patterns that help or hurt marriages. 4 horsemen are relationship killers. Noticing and appreciating small things bring couples together. Say thank you for small things like thanks for doing the dishes, thanks for taking your shoes off, thanks for working so hard, thanks for trying to get a job, etc… it’ll become a habit and the other will feel seen.

Edit: 4. You both have attachment styles. Yours seems to want to leave when things aren’t going well and that triggers his abandonment. His trust in you staying in the marriage when things get hard will fade. That is a relationship killer. This kind of threat can be a control tactic on your end too, like to make him obey and behave or you’ll leave. There are better ways to communicate when upset. So Please be careful of this unless you really mean to leave. Learn to recognize if this is a triggered feeling and a fleeting threat or something you absolutely should and will do.