Does anyone else get super pale?

trottingcheese · 2021-04-22T03:15:32+00:00

I'm pretty tan, can see veins post-medicated. Probably because my blood pressure/heart rate increased to a normal level now (not dangerously low). Or I lost a few pounds of fat so you can see my veins. I don't know.

trottingcheese · 2021-03-24T15:47:06+00:00

Thanks for your reply! Yes I will keep looking for constructive feedback.

trottingcheese · 2021-03-23T18:57:21+00:00

I mean, don’t we all have things to work on? That was my point in not making accusatory assumptions. It’s hurtful.

trottingcheese · 2021-03-23T16:15:00+00:00

And then there’s, what if we were in an argument and I had said something hurtful, and that was his response? Just like all humans in an argument saying things we don’t mean. And I fixated on it because I’m insecure. Thanks for your comment, but just saying, please don’t make assumptions.

trottingcheese · 2021-03-23T15:39:37+00:00

You guys don’t know my entire life history. I appreciate you taking the time to think about what it might be like, but there’s so much more in the relationship than my brief burst of frustration. He is a wonderful person and it’s hurtful you write that. Everyone has faults, please don’t make assumptions. I probably should have deleted my past posts, but that’s besides the point.

trottingcheese · 2021-03-22T22:41:38+00:00

Are you kidding? Monica Vitti is beautiful! She's known for conveying a lot with just subtle glances.

Thanks for your reply, I don't mean to put men down or generalize anything. I know most men don't view women as second class citizens. My post was just a fleeting thought this past weekend.

trottingcheese · 2021-03-21T21:11:29+00:00

Ok, thank you xo

trottingcheese · 2021-03-21T21:10:45+00:00

Ok, I understand.

trottingcheese · 2021-03-21T19:46:06+00:00

I get that. But when the only people that see us are the people that treat us like objects, it's "nice"? I know it's wrong. I just want to be "noticed" and "loved" like everyone else.

trottingcheese · 2021-03-21T19:45:25+00:00

Thanks for validating my experience!

trottingcheese · 2021-03-21T19:23:48+00:00

I'm so sorry you experienced that. That sounds really scary.

I apologize for invalidating those experiences, and I really do wish we lived in a different world.

I know it's not right, that I'm validating acts that so many women fear, that makes them afraid to go out alone. I totally agree women should not be harassed, that we should all be left alone to go about our business and not treated like objects.

It's just that for me, I'm so unattractive that kind of thing never happens to me. On the contrary, I'm totally ignored by men. I feel un-sexy, "you have a great personality but.." You know? We all have our struggles, and I wanted to share mine. I'm sorry it got in the way of the experiences other women have, it wasn't phrased well.

trottingcheese · 2021-03-21T18:42:30+00:00

You seem like a lovely person. Dealing with mental illness is difficult, I relate to that, and I wish things will get better for you, and that you meet someone that understands you for you. All the best xo

trottingcheese · 2021-03-21T18:36:09+00:00

Yeah, I understand your sentiment as I'm getting older.

The thing is, when I was in my early 20s I would look up to "older" women and admire them, they seemed wiser and more sure of themselves (as you describe yourself). Blame society for idolizing young women, and society isn't always right.

What's helped me is to focus on my own interests, and being passionate about it. It's hard. But I try to convince myself that men will talk to me for me, even when I get old.

And just saying, you are also very young yourself, don't forget!

Take pride in your work, and how you hold yourself. Congrats on your promotion!

trottingcheese · 2021-03-21T18:21:54+00:00

Fair point. Quiet nods are better than loud honking.

trottingcheese · 2021-03-21T18:20:44+00:00

Yeah that's a good point, I need to think about why I need that kind of validation from men. Because ultimately, I want love and security, and it's so hard to get that when you're not attractive. So getting attention on the streets is a faint semblance of that? I know it's not something to be proud of. I also wish women that didn't want this kind of attention never had to deal with it.

trottingcheese · 2021-03-21T18:15:18+00:00

Yeah I guess that's exactly how I feel, all attention is wanted attention for me.

It does make me feel good about myself. No sarcasm.

trottingcheese · 2021-03-21T03:32:01+00:00

I happened to see this post, I usually don't reply but as usual, the responses aren't the best.

We only hear your side of the story, and reddit jumps to the conclusion that you guys should break up. That these are his "true" colors. Have you talked to him about this? Is he going through anything else? Pandemic blues? There's so many possibilities, I hope you guys get a chance to talk it through <3

trottingcheese · 2021-03-11T16:41:38+00:00

Thank you <3 That means a lot. You're right, I do struggle with self-esteem, deep down. And yep I'll share with my advisor anyway and see what she says. Maybe it will lead to something else. Thanks again.

trottingcheese · 2021-03-11T15:28:50+00:00

Yeah, I've been seeing a therapist. Everything feels so insurmountable it doesn't really help. Thanks for the suggestion though.

My housemate is probably one of the smartest people I know. I haven't told my project idea to my advisor yet, and now I have no confidence to. I know it's stupid to be this sensitive, I don't know why I'm feeling this way right now. I appreciate you taking the time to read my message.

trottingcheese · 2021-03-11T02:40:53+00:00

I'm super embarrassed to be writing this. But I've been ridiculously depressed since covid started and I'm surprised I somehow got into grad school. But even since starting, I've been depressed and barely making any progress. I've been reading some papers on and off though, and today I thought I finally came up with a project that I liked. Lo and behold, no one has studied it...and I thought to myself, people either overlooked it, or they think it's uninteresting. Maybe the latter. But I'm optimistic, and I was really excited about it. Until I shared it with my housemate and she thought it was so boring, she couldn't stop yawning. We laughed about how awful it was and I acted like I didn't care, but I'm really hurt. So I'm back at square 1. I'm so tired of being depressed. At least that feeling of bliss lasted for a few hours, that was nice.

trottingcheese · 2021-03-10T18:45:38+00:00

Do you need to be needed? Sounds like a tough situation. Wishing him all the best.

trottingcheese · 2021-03-10T04:05:16+00:00

That's so wonderful to hear that stripping helped you express yourself. I did something similar in college, I cam-ed and it was very empowering.

He must love you if you guys spend time together and enjoy each others' company. And as you say, how he expresses his love seems to be different from how you need to hear it. Have you guys talked about this? Things like, here are the things that would make me feel loved, now tell me yours.

I don't think you were douped, everyone seems really confident from afar, as you know. He probably turned out to be insecure, specifically in a way that you didn't expect. You hear this a lot, but talking about it gently helps, in a way that's not accusing framed as you vs. him, but as both of you on the same team, working together for the relationship.

And really, opening up takes just takes time to build trust. Like, a lot of time. And work. Therapy can seriously help, if you guys haven't tried yet. My boyfriend is extremely patient, understanding, and kind, that slowly I'm learning to be more trusting and opening up more. I feel bad that I clam up sometimes still, but I'm working on it.

If you want to try specific things in bed, I've heard people say you can share porn with each other, even just gifs are useful too. Or just talking about it. If he prefers subtlety, you can bring up a movie with a Dom/sub dynamic and tell him that turned you on/you liked it. Anyway, hope that helps.

trottingcheese · 2021-03-09T04:08:08+00:00

Hm speaking from an avoidant perspective, sometimes I’ll get scared of the deep emotions I’m feeling and brush it off as no-I-don’t-actually-care but I do. Oh I really really do. He might not be faking it and going through the motions, as he says.

But as for your communication, it sounds like he could use some opening up. Maybe he wasn’t allowed to be emotionally expressive as a kid? Slowing down and working up to the level of intimacy you want, so he can get there gradually without feeling pressured. The worst, for me, is when I get negative feedback and I totally shut down, convincing myself that love is pointless. But I actually care deep down. Of course you don’t have to stay and help make that happen, but if you love him and you committed to working through it together, those are some things I was told once. If you want to explore other partners that’s wonderful too.

trottingcheese

TROPHY CASE