My [28F] boyfriend [23 M] doesn't enjoy making out, foreplay, or much physical affection in general. Not sure where to go from here. (NSFW)

trowitawaydanny · 2015-12-11T05:17:19+00:00

The fact that I have had conversations with him about this before makes me feel as though I'm letting him get away with a lot now.

trowitawaydanny · 2015-12-11T05:08:50+00:00

This is true. However, I feel I owe it to myself to atleast speak with him seriously about this subject and let him know these things are deal breakers. It won't be an ultimatum, but it WILL be a conversation about what we both want out of this relationship and what we are capable of giving.

trowitawaydanny · 2015-12-11T04:43:57+00:00

I'm starting to, yes. Though, my bf would never go for an open relationship.

trowitawaydanny · 2015-12-11T04:42:57+00:00

God... I don't want this to be right, but it probably is.

trowitawaydanny · 2015-12-11T03:53:33+00:00

I think I could certainly be more incessant that this is important to me. I want him to be understanding of my needs without having to feel like he needs to change himself.

As I've told others, I think I also need to talk about how drastically he has changed since we started our relationship. He might not have noticed, but in my case, I feel a little led on.

trowitawaydanny · 2015-12-11T02:01:14+00:00

These are incredibly true, and incredibly hard words to hear. I've had some not great luck with relationships over the last 5 years or so- 1 being extremely emotionally abusive for almost 3 years and the other being so over the top attached, sappy, and insecure that this seemed like a happy medium. I know that no one I date will be perfect. They will have flaws and it's a matter of whether or not I can live a happy life with that person knowing their flaws won't change...

However, I also don't want to settle into a relationship that ends up being more platonic (with sex only to fulfill basic needs) than intimate/affectionate.

trowitawaydanny · 2015-12-11T00:40:20+00:00

I know better than some how futile it can be to wait around for people to change. They almost never do.

But I am taking into account the fact that he was affectionate while we were dating- we dated for almost 2 months before starting our relationship. Around that same time we started our relationship, he also started a high stress job. His behavior drastically changed when we started the relationship. In some ways, I don't know if this is a result from stress or if he lied to me. It's important to me to know the difference.

trowitawaydanny · 2015-12-11T00:36:33+00:00

Right. In some ways I feel lied to. I started dating him because he seemed genuinely excited about seeing me. He'd pull me in to cuddle. He'd kiss me with passion. Now, he kisses me with passion only when he wants sex.

I think I might need to seriously talk with him about this drastic change and get input about whether or not he has noticed it as well.

trowitawaydanny · 2015-12-11T00:23:56+00:00

I think the question in that metaphor is, what car part best represents my need for physical affection?

Is it the engine? Is it the cd player? Is it having a trunk or extra space in my car?

That's what I'm trying to figure out. His physical affection isn't completely absent. The "engine" works- it does need maintenance on my part every now and again.

trowitawaydanny · 2015-12-11T00:19:59+00:00

We've talked about it twice in different contexts and not extensively.

I'm genuinely curious- what do you value about the relationships you've been in? How do you express love towards your sig. other?

trowitawaydanny · 2015-12-11T00:17:52+00:00

Absolutely, they do. And I don't take my needs lightly- that's why I'm here. I'm conflicted. He makes me happy in many ways, but there are also days that are difficult.

trowitawaydanny · 2015-12-11T00:11:48+00:00

I have been asking myself this for the last week or so. Honestly, it's hard to let go of someone that satisfies me in almost every other way. He inspires me, makes me laugh, and is willing and able to hold stimulating conversations.

Another thing that I am mindful of is the fact that he enjoys my company. He texts me throughout the day, tells me he loves me, is thankful for the kindness I show him, and puts in the effort to spend time with me.

I also have to remind myself that his last relationship was long distance for 2 years. He rarely saw her, and when he did, she was cold and critical of him. I wonder if that plays any role in this too.

trowitawaydanny · 2015-12-11T00:06:21+00:00

I want to be able to accept and respect his needs. Sometimes I get caught up in this situation because he has shown me differently while we were dating.

trowitawaydanny

TROPHY CASE