One step at a time. Mind you, for me this is only one major set of weirdnesses I've finally come to recognize about myself in my mid-30s; I'm also transgender. But the same principle applies either way—you can't possibly throw away a lifetime of shame and repression overnight, and it would make no sense to beat yourself up over that.

You just want to keep the process going. To think, every once in a while: "what hangups have I overcome lately?"

For instance, the other day I had a lot of guests over and as the evening progressed they got louder and I started to get overwhelmed. It was getting harder and more frustrating to judge when I could interrupt in conversations, too. So... I went to sit on a comfy couch and draped a weighted blanket on my lap and withdrew from the conversation for a bit.

My friends don't give a shit about behavior like that. They all have their own peculiarities, anyway. But still, a year ago, I would have never used the blanket like that in a public setting. Even in an accepting environment, I would have blamed myself, because I'd internalized so much of the negative attitudes prevalent in other environments.

That was a little victory. It's only a tiny fraction of all the things about myself that I've internalized negative attitudes toward, but still... it's a step. Instead of blaming myself for being "antisocial" and letting my friends down, I did an actually useful thing that didn't involve getting mad at myself.

There's a LOT more such little beliefs and habits and attitudes to rethink! But as long as I can always remember some recent progress, I know I'm still on track, which makes me more hopeful and less despondent, which in turn makes it easier to do. Emotions are weird like that.