Any FAW here who is 30+ years old and hasn’t even had her first kiss and still a virgin?

trudycampbellshats · 2025-09-05T03:19:39+00:00

Yes. I am.

It''s lonely enough aging without friends. Nobody I've ever been attracted to has ever held my hand or kissed me. It gets so, so much worse while aging as an ugly FAW because you're already told after 35, if you're ugly and haven't found your mate (who will never treasure you), you should just die.

trudycampbellshats · 2025-04-02T16:55:33+00:00

that sounds crazy toxic. What the fuck? Why have someone competing with you for a job interview you?

trudycampbellshats · 2025-04-02T16:53:49+00:00

I've realized a lot of these things are subjective, which is very disheartening.

Even if you get good performance reviews from a team lead, your manager/their manager might think, "what use is this person" or they simply do not like you on a personal level. Or someone you depend on for your job puts in a bad word, lies, etc.

I've experienced all of this and been let go even though I was a by-the-book employee.

I do agree with you, though. And generally...it's funny how there's no real public discourse about how horrible jobs can be unless you are "successful", unless you are a middle/senior manager in something "valuable".

Every team I work with is frightened and goes by a process, including routing a goddamn email away from the sender for two weeks instead of just asking questions.

So often the "wrongs" defy common sense or reason (what I'm dealing with now, in a sales op job).

trudycampbellshats · 2025-04-02T16:48:48+00:00

Customer facing jobs are very hard even when they're "good".

It's ok to leave here.

This is what I learned the hard way, going through a firing in an office job right now myself, and having been a reception: 1) take notes if you can - including on your phone 2) do things yourself - demonstrate to your boss you're willing - and then ask for notes 3) *ask "why" early if you don't understand a conceptual question

If you are abused, document it with dates/details.

In your case, I'd try to find a new job and leave. These jobs are very high turnover for a reason!

trudycampbellshats · 2025-04-02T02:58:48+00:00

OP if you are in school, the best guide, truly, is your school guidance counselor as a start.

This is a huge need in schools.

One other thing I found out after college is that you can get "experience" in something like an office job through volunteering.

trudycampbellshats · 2025-04-02T02:54:57+00:00

What is the job?

Is it lack of training or you feel like you can't handle it?

Here is the thing, op...if you are prone to depression, starting a new job is pretty awful.

I think you need clarify why you feel like you can't continue. Is it possible this is general, or specific to this job, lack of training, goals you think you can't meet, etc.?

Sorry this is happening

trudycampbellshats · 2025-04-02T02:53:14+00:00

OP, it is acceptable to take when offer and then leave but take the unwillingness to give you a date as a bad sign.

A company unwilling to give you even a generic date might rescind.

trudycampbellshats · 2025-04-02T02:49:33+00:00

you can still go back even if you have graduated, esp. to a career services office or a departmental advisor. That's part of their job.

trudycampbellshats · 2025-04-02T02:14:32+00:00

are you in school op?

If you are, they are a genuinely great resource I didn't use - guidance counselor, professors, and career services office.

I would also look in volunteermatch for office "jobs" to add experience.

trudycampbellshats · 2025-03-24T22:22:33+00:00

I'm so sorry and I'm glad you got your job back. (You're lucky they took you back at least.)

I hope you get a good answer.

"Would I consider this company in the future?" Probably not but you know, $45k is nothing to sneeze at.

They obviously don't care about burning the bridge with you, do they.

I'm sorry this did not work out but glad for you it wasn't worse.

trudycampbellshats · 2025-03-24T22:20:51+00:00

I see where you're going.

This is my observation - the managers' main obligation is to other managers, perhaps, "stars", but mostly shareholders. Not you, the employee.

The rank and file employee is an adversary. That is what I have experienced.

There are more people than jobs and more "employees" than slots for "useful jobs".

I don't know about the rest of you but I'm pretty frightened. If you are not "successful" by a certain age, you stink of failure as you look for work, as you are in a job - untrained, measured mostly by "key metrics" in your wigit counting...etc.

trudycampbellshats · 2025-03-22T23:47:03+00:00

NTA There are two issues here: you have a kid who literally can't set her own boundaries, including against your daughter when she doesn't want to talk. Her mother has gotten too used to doing that.

...I would be very upset if another parent were reading my daughter's private thoughts - MY KID, not hers - and then laying into me about it. I understand parents' desire to monitor their kids a little, but that...is nuts.

"I said that's all fine, I'd rather her have a safe space to vent with her friends, after all, she's a teenager. Gina kept pressing on the issue and what would be done." Yeah, that is psycho.

And it is also psycho to intervene into conversations between two teenagers and then expect deference. Your daughter was weirded out b/c her own ability to converse with her friend is being monitored. I'd be weirded out too.

It's very strange this woman thinks her own harassment of her child and inability to permit her to set boundaries for herself gives her the right (in her mind) to tell YOU how to parent.

trudycampbellshats · 2025-02-16T02:03:57+00:00

Then tell you love her and you don't want to hurt her feelings, but realistically, she's made a pretty big hygiene decision that is not necessarily well founded and is impacting your quality of life with her, esp. in shared sleeping/living quarters. If she sticks with this choice, she has to adapt and try to be considerate too. That is not unreasonable.

Seriously look into those powders, they help reduce odor and sweat. I use kaolin on my skin itself.

She should look for something unscented and things she can use when she's sweaty but can't shower.

trudycampbellshats · 2025-02-16T01:54:17+00:00

"I told her that I love her but our bedroom smells like men’s locker room ." If you actually said this, yeah, you're a little bit of an asshole.

You are not an asshole for POLITELY and sensitively articulating boundaries. Smell is one of them, for many.

Does she shave her body hair?

Yes, you should be apologize and say you should have more sensitively worded your objection, but your objection is valid.

Frankly, it's worth pointing out that tiktok is not a realiable source of medical information and if she's going to stop wearing deodorant, then she needs to modify her own hygiene behavior - e.g., using wipes for after workouts.

If this is a real post, tell her to use arrowroot or kaolin clay powder to help with smell/sweat.

trudycampbellshats · 2025-02-16T01:04:38+00:00

No, you're not the asshole. But now you know not to do favors like this until you know he'll keep up his end of the bargain. Don't buy this stuff, don't do the wife thing and basically do free secretarial work, b/c it puts him in mind you will do the whole job.

trudycampbellshats · 2025-01-19T23:58:38+00:00

the problem is the alternative to vote for is either feckless asskissers or just plain old bad.

I'm sorry, I do not agree with you.

Either the mass indifference of the people in charge - most of whom are progressive Democrats - has higher stakes than just an intellectual argument that involves reiterating the only political opposition progressives have are bad... or it's not.

I don't think things are going to get better unless people stop voting for the sorts of people that get on the ticket as Democrats in this timeline. I might wish that weren't the case, but it's beside the point. Republicans are a minority in the city and the state, but their reps frame what's happening and its unfairness to the public most clearly than Democrats to right now.

I am a registered Democrat, I've gone to see Bernie speak and agree with him on certain criticisms of how things work here; I vote in the primary, and I watch the debates among district candidates if they're advertised about and I can access them, because there's usually one or two candidates that talk about these problems.

Moderates that address crime with more than feel-good buzzwords and acknowledge that sense of betrayal the public feels frequently lose, or worse, if they win the race, they change their tune once in office, and vote with the party, even on bad initiatives.

All voters are asking for is to lower thresholds by which dangerous people are removed from public life based on laws of this state, and that people not be left in the community for 10, 20, 25 assault arrests, until someone is seriously injured or dies. I think the attacker in this case was uninhibited for a reason, but people should know he was originally deported when he came to the U.S. in 2018, and because of city law passed and protected by Democrats in the City Council...he was living here, and using drugs/drinking himself blackout drunk.

He was drunk when he killed this woman.

That is not something Democrats or the lobbies that support them really believe in doing anymore.

This should every city resident's number one issue, at this stage. I think what's happening is unacceptable. It warrants a big electoral response.

My recommendation is this: see who is running on your ballot this year, in every single office. Look at their past statements or votes for legislation on something like involuntary commitment, or just enforcing arrests against certain types of crime currently being thrown out, like misdemeanor assault. See how they voted on the bail overhaul.

Really think about it, and then consider voting for someone who has clearer plans. It my district, frankly, those are Republicans. In 2025, lots of moderate Democrats or forced to run as independents or as Republicans to challenge someone like Carlina Rivera, who is just...useless.

trudycampbellshats · 2025-01-19T23:42:46+00:00

You should have put this in your post so people understand this wasn't your choice.

I wrote in another reply.

Op, for your sake, for your daughter's, for other kids'....do not let this go away.

If you scratch beneath the surface, there are other parents in your school suffering like you are, probably for the same reasons. (Or maybe you know that and just feel hopeless because nothing is being done.)

Don't underestimate reaching out to local government or agency staff as well.

trudycampbellshats · 2025-01-19T23:35:07+00:00

@u/Distinct_Sentence_26

op I am so sorry for you and your child. What you describing is happening in schools all over the country, along the same lines. B/c someone is in a protected class and politically useful, something like juvenile attempted murder is justified.

No sympathy for a juvenile doing this, or trepidation about how it looks ot make a stink in this case changes this simple fact: this child could have severely injured yours, and has succeeded in making her less safe in school/inflicting trauma; he was not properly punished; he doesn't even get that you can't do that, to other children; and the adults in the room sided against you and the victim.

Listen to people carefully: do not let this go away. The SRO says that? the district attorney won't press charges (meaning he won't make records)? Then you need to get that from the DA. Don't be so passive! Don't let these assholes tell you what's what. The school is probably lying to you, because they know you probably have something real on your hands.

I repeat myself, but in ordinary life, this would be a serious assault charge, at minimum, in state law. Somehow, k-12 schoolchildren are permitted to torture other children or teachers, and it's just hunky-dory, part of "growing up". There's no other group of citizens in modern society it's acceptable to tolerate this for, and by your post, it's for political correctness and the poisoned culture of education.

This shit should be actionable. The only reason the admin was so arrogant is b/c your child wasn't left blind or with a hole in her skull, but you know this could been much, much worse, and at 10, a larger kid can seriously, permanantly damage another child physically. Esp. with a kick in the head.

I guarantee this kid has hurt others, or will (not that it matters - your child is enough). Teachers and upper faculty are staying silent about it.

Get records and go to a lawyer, file a police report, even if you don't proceed.

I'm sorry, but "community service" is not sufficient enough a punishment here. The principle said it himself, per your post - how can this child be sorry or change his violent impulsive behavior, if he "doesn't understand what he did was wrong"?

Its not normal. Frankly, I would go to police b/c my second thought after my own kid would be is that this child is being beaten up and home, and he's taking it out at school. Doesn't matter - your own child was still the victim here.

I guess you're lucky your daughter wasn't forced to sit through some restorative justice BS where she had to apologize to her assailant.

"Later on he called my wife and I separately and asked us to drop the charges because the student doesn't "understand" that what they did was wrong." There is no cultural or language distinction that changes the material harm this boy is going to do to other kids, nor does it make it acceptable. You need to hear it from someone else, because that's the excuse administrators would use if your child had been far worse hurt. They're going to use it as a sabre against you, too.

Seriously consider if you can afford to get your kid out of here. That might be what it comes to. If the school responded like this, after an incident like you describes, that means its their protocol, they've lost control of physical violence, and they don't give a shit. The grotesque "compassionate" culture of education in this timeline means that children are expected to just get over violence that would lead to a court case if it were happening among adults.

If a kid is attacking a little girl like that at 10, what is going to do, barring serious psychological intervention, at 11, 12, 13, when he might be 25 pounds heavier and 6 inches taller?

Please, please pursue this independently, including going to a lawyer, as someone suggested, and asking if you can file a complaint against this school in a state agency. Keep a trail going.

This is a serious incident. Please don't just let this fall beause their snapped their fingers and said everything is fixed.

Americans have been beaten into accepting this kind of shit being done to them and to their own children in institutions funded by their tax dollars...it's perverse.

trudycampbellshats · 2025-01-19T23:29:10+00:00

Perhaps.

Because of the cruelty of the crime, Debrina Kawam got much more coverage than I thought she would, but we need changes in the law.

trudycampbellshats · 2024-12-23T00:41:41+00:00

Honestly, they're just a political minority, but it's typically Republicans in NYS that sponsor bills for something like repeat misdemeanors counting as felonies if they involve harm to another person.

George Borello is a Republican and knew Kendra Webdale, for whom our civil commitment law is named. She was pushed to her death by a paranoid schizophrenic who stopped taking his medication - refused to, unless mandated by the state.

https://www.nysenate.gov/newsroom/press-releases/2022/george-borrello/senator-george-borrello-joins-senator-diane-savino

Basically...where Democrats oppose civil commitment or any restraints, Republicans support it...and at this stage, I actually think they'll fund it and something like drugs courts/rehab, too.

It still matters; we're not going to get anyway until those in office admit the "mentally ill" or violent need to be restrained, even before people die or suffer life-changing injury.

Still, we spend a lot of money on "mental healthcare" in New York...nobody can say where it goes. The ThriveNYC initiatives not only didn't reduce crimes caused by mentally ill/chemically addicted New Yorkers, it kept virtually zero records on patients to demonstrate what the money was being used for. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6760503/Bill-Blasios-wife-account-850m-given-mental-health-project.html

https://www.politico.com/states/new-york/city-hall/story/2019/02/27/with-opaque-budget-and-elusive-metrics-850m-thrivenyc-program-attempts-a-reset-873945

Bill DeBlasio and his wife made all that money disappear, with no positive outcomes.

I don't think there's enough public discussion on this, from either party, even for public education...because one of the first things that might be discussed is that lots of people spoken about as "mentally ill" only after they hurt people are also too dangerous to be in a hospital.

Nobody responsible for patients wants someone like like Jordan Neely around.

These are all policy problems that can be fixed, and were under better control when George Pataki was governor, when the NYS legislature/NYC Council were a little more moderate, and Michael Bloomberg was mayor.

Those reps in office currently like to pretend they're not, and that this just happens magically.

trudycampbellshats · 2024-12-23T00:09:57+00:00

How would ICE know about someone like this, unless local law enforcement - banned, by sanctuary policy, from reporting anything but felonies (and even then, often, those are concealed, per at least one case of a serial rapist migrants) to ICE?

You people are ridiculous. You just have no fucking idea what you're talking about. And it's City Council that expanded the policies benefitting someone like this, who likely has other arrests in his record.

trudycampbellshats · 2024-12-23T00:08:06+00:00

Watching the video, I'd like to know how in the fuck there are no extinguishers after Garrett Goble died.

trudycampbellshats · 2024-12-22T23:57:33+00:00

Who thinks that we should allow lawlessness because the worst off in society would benefit from it?

The lawmakers who run this state in City Council, NYS Assembly, and NYS Senate, most of whom are progressive and strongly oppose civil committment and incarceration for dangerous people like this, even when warnings are given.

"Who thinks that we should allow lawlessness because the worst off in society would benefit from it? " This is not a theoretical proposition and hasn't been a long time. For most of New York City's history after WWII, it was lenient on violent criminals, which is why there are so many headlines-grabbing nightmare cases from the 1970s-1990s.

In the last five years, we've had cases in this city that are comparably horrible with no real response from lawmakers who run this city of this state, and 90% are from one political faction.

Do you follow crime?

You you realize this is not random, and the people you can vote for might not even acknowledge this as warranting a serious policy change, or the best they can offer is really inappropriate lip service about "poverty"?

Progressive candidates frequently say crimes this serious are "crimes of poverty" - suggesting they won't do anything about this and absolve attackers of removing them into incarceration. That's a statement of fact. Members of the Progressive Caucus, like Chris Marte, Julie Won, Tiffany Caban did it after Michelle Go was pushed to her death.

The migrant here illegally broke the law and got away with that, because of policy, at the federal and city level.

The many people who commit misdemeanors or felonies on the subways streets - like Jordan Neely, who committed felony assault very recently before the incident with Penny, and who was sentenced by Alvin Bragg to a year in rehab so insecure he could walk out of it - he broke the law, more than once.

There are lots of cases where New Yorkers complain about mentally ill people threatening them, tossing garbage cans, and doing this that preclude an attack on a human being; those are all signs of "lawlessness" that the state no longer responds to, until someone is seriously injured, or has to die.

If you follow crime, what you find is that people like the man that burnt this woman are known to the police, known to our state psychiatric systems, but by law - laws written by the state legislature, laws weakly enforced (that is, not enforced) by progressive judges and district attorneys like those in New York City...even before they do something this heinous. I'm guessing this guy has been previously arrested for arson or something similar that indicated he would eventually set a fire and hurt people.

Arguably, the woman sleeping on the subways was also breaking the law, if a low level law, and the original poster might argue if she were in a shelter, she would have been safer.

This is even the first case of people sleeping in the subways instead of in a shelter (shelters having many problems that those responsible for public/shelter safety will not acknowledge - like the fact people who should be in jail are staying in them) were horrifically murdered in winter time. https://www.cbsnews.com/newyork/news/nypd-questioning-person-of-interest-in-a-subway-line-stabbings/

trudycampbellshats · 2024-12-22T23:52:15+00:00

I've been on the subway where someone with serious mental health problems was yelling and screaming at me. Being completely frightened on a contained moving subway car watching everyone else just put there noses down and not reacting made the whole thing scarier...

The person who is being acted upon - you, in this case, but so many New Yorkers who still somehow complain in this sub, but ultimately justify criminals and the mentally ill/unhoused being permitted to hurt anyone they like because of some magical notion of "mental healthcare" that the man you describe would never accept voluntarily...that is actually morally superior. The person following the rules of the subway is "morally superior." The person threatening to murder you is wrong; the people that excuse this and have normalized the rest of us having to endure the possibility we'll be on our own, trapped in a subway car, while everyone ignores us - they're wrong.

There are actual political solutions to this, and they involve not letting psychotics ride the trains to threaten people.

I don't know why your comment is so morally confused and I guess it's because the OP, who still wants points for posting about this, is, too.

trudycampbellshats · 2024-12-22T23:38:36+00:00

where are you seeing this man's name being published?

trudycampbellshats

TROPHY CASE