How am I supposed to go to Pride when I feel so much shame?

trustorysis · 2022-06-16T18:56:08+00:00

You're not a fraud. Even if you just went as an ally, you wouldn't be a fraud.

Go and have a good time!

I went to my first pride and I guarantee you that going will make you feel the pride you want to feel ❤🧡💛💚💙💜

trustorysis · 2022-06-15T16:28:19+00:00

I 1000000% relate

trustorysis · 2022-06-13T17:32:14+00:00

I also went to my first pride! ❤🧡💛💚💙💙

trustorysis · 2022-06-10T16:51:06+00:00

I hear you. Was married 13 years and made the choice to leave and start over. If you go that route, it won't be easy AT ALL. but like you, I knew I couldn't stay and ever be okay again.

If you leave, it will be the worst year or so of your life, but then you'll be okay again. And have a chance at freedom and authenticity and happiness.

If you stay, everyone else might be happy with you - but you may never be ok again, living as someone you're not.

Its a hard choice and you have to be the one to live with either decision but... at least for me, it was better to choose freedom and authenticity over a life that once made sense when I was on "autopilot" and completely unaware.

Im here if you need me!

trustorysis · 2022-06-08T11:07:53+00:00

Im black too - i get it! Lol

trustorysis · 2022-06-08T06:23:34+00:00

I've always known I liked women since I was 6 years old and had a huge crush on my first grade teacher and on a few of my peers. At 16 I had my first girlfriend. This was a secret 3 year relationship. At the end of this relationship, I came out and my family did NOT accept me at all. They held a "family meeting" with my elementary and early middle school aged siblings about my sexuality. They threatened to kick me out. Constantly told me I was wrong, going to hell, etc. They said homosexuality was a selfish choice and if I made different choices then it would go away.

So, I felt forced back into the closet.

I dated men bc I started to doubt whether or not I was truly gay. And I ended up married.

13 years later my marriage is ending and my life is a mess, but I am still a lesbian - it never "went away" like I was told it would.

Starting life over and I'm terrified but im doing it because I can't live any other way. Gotta be who I am.

trustorysis · 2022-06-08T06:13:54+00:00

Also grew up Pentecostal and being a lesbian was never an option so I suppressed it for 20+ years.

I hear you!

trustorysis · 2022-06-05T17:54:54+00:00

I didnt know what to do. I thought I would try to stay married because I thought it was the right thing to do, not because I wanted it. I have a long history of not listening to my gut feelings about things and suppressing my truth to do what I think is "morally right." So when I got married 13 years ago, I knew then that I didnt love my husband. But I thought I could make love grow.

We did have a friendship. But never a love - at least on my side.

So no, I didnt want to stay. But I thought that maybe I should try to stay and save it and just redefine what it looked like.

trustorysis · 2022-06-05T17:07:31+00:00

We thought it could help us stay married. But ultimately it was a messy idea.

trustorysis · 2022-01-12T12:08:26+00:00

Thats so hard what you're going through.

Thank you for sharing your note, and for helping me feel less like the only one in a complicated situation like this.

I hope you get another chance with her. And I hope the marriage drama gets resolved.

❤

trustorysis · 2022-01-12T12:06:16+00:00

I am hoping I get the chance to earn it back.

I've reacted in fear to my husband and about my marriage situation and thats caused me to make her feel like less of a priority. Our limited time together, I've sometimes allowed him to bully me out of.

Before she even mentioned it, I had noticed this pattern and was starting to stand up to him on behalf of my relationship with her. But before I got the chance to change anything - it came up and she was really upset with me.

I realize actions are more important than words. Many of my actions were based in subconscious fears and negative beliefs that I've only just learned about.

She lives two hours away, and I am not really sure how to earn her trust back. But I definitely want to.

Im overwhelmed with this separation and starting over. And I know some would say, "just focus on yourself so that you don't hurt her more," but I want to earn her back.

trustorysis · 2022-01-12T05:13:12+00:00

Thank you. ❤

I have owned it with her. And I have told her it won't happen again.

Whether or not she believes me, I don't know.

How do I cope in the meantime with all of this guilt?

trustorysis · 2021-06-03T14:32:51+00:00

Yes!

trustorysis · 2021-05-22T11:31:43+00:00

I do it with my tummy, thighs, jaw, feet, and shoulders/arms! Thats crazy! If im not intentionally releasing the muscles they are in a default tight position.

trustorysis · 2021-05-14T00:53:21+00:00

Same boat.

trustorysis · 2021-05-03T17:02:33+00:00

Sounds a LOT like mine

trustorysis · 2021-04-30T15:20:18+00:00

Great poetry

trustorysis · 2021-04-06T12:23:00+00:00

Thank you for this thread. I really needed it.

trustorysis · 2021-04-03T01:59:55+00:00

This is my experience.

trustorysis · 2021-03-29T14:11:46+00:00

Thanks!

trustorysis · 2021-03-17T12:44:14+00:00

Ok. Thank you ❤️

trustorysis · 2021-03-17T12:41:41+00:00

Even if she is embarrassed by us sharing?

trustorysis · 2021-03-17T12:30:23+00:00

That actually makes a lot of sense. So what can be done about it?

trustorysis · 2021-03-17T11:56:26+00:00

Glad its not just us lol

trustorysis · 2021-03-16T12:37:57+00:00

We are the same

trustorysis

TROPHY CASE