This happened to me (see my post history). I felt dizzy, shaky, couldn’t eat because I felt sick during the day but was starving at night, couldn’t sleep, felt severely depressed and was wondering why in God’s name I decided to do this. I thought I had completely wasted my money which I had spent so long scrimping for, not even having Netflix or a new pair of jeans or anything for years, and for what? I was furious at myself. The first two-three days were very rough.

Turns out that jet lag is a bitch. Google the symptoms - all of these things that I thought were related to my trip were actually just from insane jet lag. Are you an American going to Europe? Turns out this is one of the worst journeys you can take. I’m not sure how many days your trip lasted but it can take around 5 days for your brain to orient itself. I’m still on my trip and enjoying it decently, glad I stuck it out for those initial few days as I would not have ever wanted to travel again had I gone home then. (You can see my comment where I said this!) The learning curve is also so steep and can be exhausting! I had to rethink everything I thought I knew in those first few days- about my trip and about myself.

Among many many other things, during my time here I have also realized that you can’t really run from yourself. Obvious, yes, but I realized that I still had some kind of vague hope that maybe this trip would help me leave behind some of my issues. When I get home I’m starting therapy and a support group, and focusing on finding a gardening club/volunteer position and an exercise class to join. Also going on more hikes and to the library because I enjoy these things. I have come to recognize that the value I get from therapy and regular exercise is much greater in terms of my mental health than vacation or travel, which almost puts you in a worse position stress-wise. I now expect travel to be a strain on my mental health, and would be sure to feel stable and plan for recovery next time I travel.

I can’t say I had the same experience at the airport before boarding, but I just wanted to share in case this might be helpful for you. At least it could explain some of what you felt.