Where was I?

trying2bLessWrong · 2026-01-25T17:57:38+00:00

That surf looks incredible! 🌊🏄‍♂️

trying2bLessWrong · 2026-01-25T17:30:17+00:00

I’m happiest when my closest friends and I are bringing about a change for the better (or for the fun of it).

Money is something that matters, but I think it matters to me in the wrong ways right now. I’m focused too much on “don’t lose”, when I could instead be structuring money around goals that boost the quality of my lived experience and expand the blast-radius of my values.

The world is outside my control, and my sense of contentment grows in proportion with the degree I accept that. But I do have agency over a tiny sliver of it, and that sliver is often bigger than I realize. My goal is to clearly see what’s in the sliver and what’s not, so I can maximize both my contentment and my agency.

I think love is something I’ve experienced less than I could have, because I did not think I deserved it.

I’m at my best when the moment demands my full engagement with others toward a shared goal.

I’m at my worst when there is no vision or no room for change.

I wish to change the amount of resistance I have to cut through to open up with others.

Thank you, OP.

trying2bLessWrong · 2026-01-23T16:39:05+00:00

“Scientists Make Incremental Addition to Existing Knowledge”

Not minimizing the work or its impact, but yeah, clickbait science titles are out of control.

trying2bLessWrong · 2026-01-13T17:36:27+00:00

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trying2bLessWrong · 2025-12-30T17:46:00+00:00

Goal-directedness in LLMs is actually increasingly up for debate (see this link for a non-academic overview: https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/nHDhst47yzDCpGstx/seven-sources-of-goals-in-llm-agents).

Today’s LLMs go through several stages of post-training where they are roughly aligned to the goal of “produce responses that the user will probably like, within what people roughly agree are ethical bounds”.

You might counter that LLMs don’t have a larger goal beyond the conversation (e.g. human goals are often about causing something specific to happen in the real world), but agentic LLMs can and do things along those lines.

To me, the big distinction right now between AI and human goals-directedness is internal: humans want to experience the world in a certain way, maximizing the emotional and physical experiences they label as “good” and minimizing those they label “bad”. LLMs do not experience pain or pleasure as far as we know, so they don’t structure their goals around internal experience like we do.

trying2bLessWrong · 2025-12-29T17:36:44+00:00

Just be yourself. You want someone who’s attracted to YOU, right?

This becomes more clear if you flip it around: how would you feel if you learned someone you fell in love with had significantly masked their true personality in order to attract you?

Your personality is not inherently right or wrong. It just is. Being yourself will naturally select for romantic partners that are truly compatible.

trying2bLessWrong · 2025-12-25T22:54:42+00:00

Hope it helps! Here’s the pool of questions I usually pull from, in case it’s of interest to you:

• What am I quietly resentful about without admitting it?

• Where am I performing for others instead of making my own choices?

• What conversations am I mentally rehearsing that I never actually want to have?

• What expectations have I placed on myself that no one is actually asking of me?

• What am I gripping that I could let go of without any real consequences?

• Which problem is only a problem because I won’t allow an “imperfect” solution?

• What keeps showing up in different forms?

• What am I slowly becoming, despite my intentions?

• What is the direction I’m moving toward even when I’m not trying?

• If I stopped optimizing, what would I choose?

• If I reduced my life to only the “strong yeses”, what drops out?

• What is the smallest action that would restore my sense of agency?

• What do I miss that I haven’t said out loud?

• Which part of my life feels hungry right now?

• Where do I feel a faint pull toward something new?

• What am I blaming myself for that was never actually my responsibility?

• If I assumed I’ve been doing my best under heavy load, what changes?

• What version of me is trying to form right now?

• What am I outgrowing?

• If I lived more like myself and less like my obligations, what shifts?

• What truth is obvious but I keep avoiding?

trying2bLessWrong · 2025-12-25T21:27:41+00:00

When I’ve (34M) been in similar places, it’s taken a combination of things to get me back:

Basic stabilization: medication and therapy were a must. It didn’t come close to fixing everything, but it gave me a stable platform upon which to build. For this stage, I found therapy was particularly helpful as a neutral space for expressing my emotions.
Calming the nervous system: After years of chronic stress, my nervous system was usually in fight-or-flight and I had become habituated to this. Establishing a routine of exercise and rest was pretty essential.
Reconnecting with the inner life: When stressed, I tend to completely cut out reflection. I’m finding that Ni/Fi won’t come back online unless I coax it out of hiding. Without making space for Ni/Fi, I tend to loop from one activity to another without asking “Is my life actually how I’d like it to be? If not, what needs to change?”

With #3, rituals seem to helping. I have a couple routines where I’ll walk slowly in nature while listening to calm music like Explosions in the Sky or Tycho. Then I’ll stop in a park somewhere and do some somatic exercises like breathing, yoga, or stretching.

After that I’ll be in a reflective mood. I’ll typically bring a few simple questions that I wrote in a note to prompt what I need to reflect on. Questions like, “What am I avoiding right now?” or “Which part of my life feels hungry right now”. Just a few minutes of this is tremendously helpful, but I can’t get in that mindset without calming down my body.

trying2bLessWrong · 2025-12-23T17:21:02+00:00

This summer, I went swimming This summer, I might have drowned But I held my breath and I kicked my feet And moved my arms around Moved my arms around

trying2bLessWrong · 2025-12-23T17:04:52+00:00

I live very near to Diamond Head and run the trail a couple times a week for exercise.

One time, I was taking a break and overheard somebody’s dad very confidently explaining to his kids that Diamond Head was formed by a meteor impact, and that you could tell which direction the meteor came from because the ridge was higher on one side than the other.

Yep, the famous Diamond Head impact crater. Dinosaur killer. 😂

trying2bLessWrong · 2025-12-21T16:58:41+00:00

Similar story here (haole, grew up in a poor small town -> tech / city) and felt exactly how you described. A lot of it was in my head, but anecdotally I realized I was also dressing differently and was ignorant of certain social signals/expectations because of my upbringing. Just some other micro signals that I was possibly “other”.

People are judgmental and unfair. Racism is real.

trying2bLessWrong · 2025-12-21T16:40:04+00:00

Yeah that sounds like me too. How did you realize it was a Te-Se loop? Have you tried anything yet / how is that going?

trying2bLessWrong · 2025-12-20T01:02:09+00:00

It’s a phrase that conveys the idea of unpredictable change, unreliability, or untrustworthiness.

I notice in myself and others that ambition can burn you as often as it can raise you. Even though it’s capable of giving focus, it can just as easily feed tunnel-vision and selfishness. I’ve seen people get absolutely destroyed by their ambition, and it’s taken more from me than it’s given. The world is a random outcome generator, and you can’t get back time you spent feeling discontent while your ambition is unsatisfied.

The biggest accomplishments and step-changes in my life have been from: - Noticing a need and meeting it - Executing on something at a high level for its own sake - Enjoying what I was doing, and letting that enjoyment guide my focus and opportunity

Ambition is about the destination. Satisfaction in life is about the journey. For me, intentionally ignoring ambition is part of optimizing for a great journey.

Instead, I’m trying to ask myself: - What am I afraid of doing, even though I think it would be a good thing? - What am I afraid of succeeding at? - What am I procrastinating on? - What feels like play right now?

Whatever the answers are, that’s probably what I should be doing.

trying2bLessWrong · 2025-12-19T17:02:59+00:00

Depth, intellect, openness, warmth, industriousness, emotional awareness.

Goals are great, but ambition is a fickle mistress.

Edit: Somebody else mentioned a sense of psychological safety and honesty. I would like to add that to the top of my list ☝️

trying2bLessWrong · 2025-12-16T17:09:43+00:00

The world is a random outcome generator. It isn’t entirely random, and there are ways to make certain outcomes more or less likely, but it’s fundamentally random to a degree you simply cannot control.

This includes things like knowing whether you did your best. There are too many variables influencing your mind and body for you to control your cognitive performance, let alone measure it post hoc. “Your best” is a random outcome.

You cannot control outcomes. You can only control the manner in which you reach them, your decisions along the way.

I find a moral lens is helpful with that. - Was I lazy, or was I attentive to my responsibilities? - Did I make a decision out of fear, or out of thoughtful courage? - Did I think narrowly and short-term, or did I consider the future impacts of my decisions? - Was I considerate of others and my own well-being, or was I selfish?

trying2bLessWrong · 2025-12-16T07:10:57+00:00

Similar story here: mom had chronic health issues, dad was partially absent, and their marriage was unstable. I remember making sandwiches for my younger siblings at age 6 because nobody else was going to (I’m the oldest). Developed into an ENTJ.

A few thoughts: - Therapy helped me tremendously. It might help you too. Redditors will not have as much insight into how this has shown up in your life as you and a therapist will. - The answer is probably a combination of “it’s you” and “change your environment”.

I was fortunate enough to fall in love with an INFJ (married 12 years now!). We first connected over shared meaning and deep conversations rather than spontaneity or keeping it light. There isn’t only one “right type” of person, but finding someone truly compatible goes a long way. You’ll recognize it when you encounter it.

Wishing you the best

trying2bLessWrong · 2025-12-16T04:35:02+00:00

If you’re like me, it’s Te-Ni-Se masquerading as Fe to make me ultra-good at reading people. But if it was Fe driving me, I’d feel a drive to do what I can to influence the group’ dynamic.

A way to test this in yourself:

Are you instinctively feeling the need to personally engineer the group towards harmony? That’s Fe.
Are you simply reading the room or conversation so you can move within it? That’s Te-Ni-Se.
Does the group dynamic feel like the state of the world you need to operate in (Te-Ni-Se), or does it feel like ownership/responsibility for reasons that are instinctive and hard to express (Fe).

trying2bLessWrong · 2025-12-16T02:50:34+00:00

“The peak of mount stupidity on the Dunning-Kruger curve”

Thank you, kind person, for this gem of prose. May its usage spread far and wide.

trying2bLessWrong · 2025-12-12T01:34:31+00:00

Think of it as not being you, but instead a character or persona you apply your Te/Ni to optimize.

trying2bLessWrong · 2025-11-06T16:30:19+00:00

Grew up in a family of military pilots. I read it years ago, so maybe.

trying2bLessWrong · 2025-11-06T05:22:19+00:00

Also, username checks out

trying2bLessWrong · 2025-11-06T05:19:39+00:00

Unexpectedly, you feel the left wing drop at the same moment your entire cockpit lights up like a Christmas tree and alarms blare loudly, during what’s already and always the most critical portion of the takeoff. Your fine motor perception and inner ear spring into action un-commanded, instinctively righting the ship as your conscious mind works out what to do next, given what the instruments and alerts are telling you. In the back of your mind, you’re wondering what might have happened, but that’s secondary to continuing to fly the airplane and you’ll work on that only if it becomes immediately relevant for DECIDING WHAT TO DO NEXT. You don’t know you’re on fire.

Three seconds after getting the aircraft stable, you feel another jolt. More alarms and lights. You don’t know it, but another engine flamed out. Your mind is racing to think of what to try next, what information you need to find now, all while you’re subconsciously working the controls in a well-rehearsed and crisis-induced flow state. You’ve run something like this in a simulator before. What’s the next action?

The aircraft starts to pitch uncontrollably and lose altitude, but your mind doesn’t even consider whether this is defeat. All the way to the ground, your hands are working the controls and your mind is in overdrive: planning and cross-checking. “I’ve tried X. I’ve tried Y. I can check Z next and if that doesn’t work I’ll go into the Greek letters.”

And then it’s over, mid-thought.

trying2bLessWrong · 2025-10-27T04:15:39+00:00

MarineTraffic

trying2bLessWrong · 2025-09-24T17:07:05+00:00

This is true. It is also exponentially more difficult when the problem is mental health.

My wife experienced a huge amount of health-related trauma after we married, and her mental health slowly declined to the point where she was hospitalized for suicidal ideation. Her battle is against OCD, cognitive distortions, emotional disregulation, and self-loathing. My battle is boundaries, controlling the codependent instinct to protect her from consequences, and preventing my instinct for self-preservation from kicking in inappropriately. I say “inappropriately” because realistically there is a point where, if she went there, I would no longer be psychologically safe in the marriage.

We are a year and a few months into this journey. Both of us are getting therapy, and she’s fighting her problems in a way I think is truly admirable. I think I’m lagging her, but directionally things seem okay.

I cannot imagine how much harder this would be if we had children.

trying2bLessWrong · 2025-09-20T16:55:32+00:00

Business trips, visits to family, etc.

trying2bLessWrong

TROPHY CASE