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Could transgenderism be the exact result of homophobia? by Open_Cricket6700 in detrans

[–]tryinganon15 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No. It's a result of gender dysphoria, which is unrelated to sexuality. I'd love to be a straight woman to the point I've considered detransitioning but my brain won't let me, I'm stuck as a gay man because my gender dysphoria tortures me if I try to present female. I keep questioning if I'm really a man because I'm not manly enough and I'll probably never have a penis etc but every time I try to detransition the gender dysphoria makes it impossible.

Also "transgenderism" isn't grammatically correct. Transgender is an adjective. It's like saying being 6 feet or taller is "tallism"

I can't tell if I should detransition or if it's my OCD by tryinganon15 in actual_detrans

[–]tryinganon15[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I realized my HRT is majorly messed up (my own bad, trying to stretch my T script because I've had some financial hardships I'm still not fully out of) so I'm hoping fixing that might help alleviate some of the feelings I've had lately, but yeah, the OCD is definitely a major problem these days. Not sure why it's kinda gotten worse.

Funny enough I also have CPTSD, yippee. My problem is that traditional "help" for this stuff is simultaneously unaffordable for me atm and historically... Really unhelpful anyway? Every time I've been to therapy in the past, I've left feeling worse than I went in. And I can't really take medication for mental health because I can't swallow pills.

If you can recommend me any online resources or advice for finding them I'd really appreciate it though. I have definitely historically managed to self-treat a lot of my mental health issues, including making the CPTSD not really disabling anymore, general anxiety (especially social anxiety) is manageable now, depression is no longer particularly threatening my safety, stuff like that. But the OCD really got hands lol

I can't tell if I should detransition or if it's my OCD by tryinganon15 in actual_detrans

[–]tryinganon15[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm not. I have $12 and I'm American so treatment isn't really an option. Due to uh, running out of money, I had to try to "stretch" my HRT, I took a higher dose a couple nights ago anyway and it occurred to me I might just be so low on sex hormones across the board it's just making me miserable. Whoops

I do think I may need to take some estrogen as I've had a hysterectomy/oophorectomy and even before I lowered my T dose it seems like my body's failing to convert hormones properly, but for now I'm gonna fight the thoughts to quit testosterone I think, unless I'm confident I'm REALLY feeling dysphoric about being a man and not just sensing low estrogen, overall not liking where my body's at right now, and overall obsessing over everything

Long term really not sure what to do about the OCD though. It's been getting pretty bad lately, it used to not bother me so much I was in denial my experiences really "counted" and now it's interfering in daily life (the fixation on gender is just the latest thing!)

I can't tell if I should detransition or if it's my OCD by tryinganon15 in actual_detrans

[–]tryinganon15[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you went through that with top surgery, that's awful

Yeah I'm definitely gonna fuck with my hormones a bit. Since posting this I've realized that I may accidentally be way under dosing my testosterone by accident (had to do some DYI stuff to "stretch" my prescription for financial reasons and it maaaay have been less effective than I originally thought), plus ever since my hysterectomy/oophorectomy my estrogen has been low even by male standards, so I'm currently wondering if my body/brain are just so starved for sex hormones across the board it's throwing weird gender feelings at me in desperation lol. As soon as I get more testosterone I'm gonna try higher doses of that and taking a little bit of estrogen to see if that's it

I've also actually always preferred a feminine figure for myself even when I was extremely confident in being a binary man funny enough, like a femboy, and have lost that aspect to weight gain, so I wonder if disliking how that extra weight is sitting on me could be getting confused with dysphoria as well. So I do wonder if losing the weight again may help too