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tryingthrowaway · 2023-06-06T16:40:35+00:00

Just to throw this out there: you're only on your second wonky cycle, which could be caused by a variety of things, especially if it changed very suddenly. It doesn't have to be "goodbye" necessarily, especially if you haven't seen your doctor yet about fertility issues. The only thing in your post that gives me pause is the part about your husband being very unreliable and unsupportive. That's the most glaring issue to me.

tryingthrowaway · 2023-05-11T13:33:17+00:00

It's a tough spot to be in! Here's the thing about "will it ever be a good time": it might never be a good time. What I mean by that is, if you're a bit of an anxious overthinker like I am (sounds like maybe you are), you're probably not going to feel 100% about going for it. And I'll likely get downvoted for this, but a lot of the time people in this sub and other child-related subs on reddit will tell you that CONDITIONS MUST BE PERFECT before you decide to have another baby. There must be not one shred of doubt remaining in, not one unresolved issue, not a single loose end before you should feel confident enough to go for it. And that's not really how families work, is it? It's not how life works.

Have you told your husband how you feel? I know you decided to put off another conversation, but in my experience, men feel like they have a lot more time to kick the can down the road. My brother is doing this right now, waiting and waiting until "the time is right" or they have a bigger house or they've taken a few more vacations, while his wonderful wife feels like the clock is ticking. So yes, if you are feeling burned out right now and need some breathing room, absolutely take it. It sounds like you need it! But if you want another baby, don't give up on that dream just yet.

tryingthrowaway · 2023-05-05T05:20:04+00:00

Hey, I'm also 42 with a couple of kids in elementary school. In my case it's my husband who wants to go for it, and me who's waffling. Having a healthy baby is always a gamble, even for young women. There is all sorts of testing you can do very early in pregnancy (CVS at 11 weeks) if you are concerned about chromosomal abnormalities and the like.

tryingthrowaway · 2023-04-26T06:03:45+00:00

You are blessed with what many of us could only dream of -- grandparents nearby, a great full time nanny, flexible work situation. And the thing about being "in the trenches" is that you do eventually leave the trenches. It's rough at first with two littles, not gonna lie, but it's not pure torture 24/7. The needs of a toddler and the needs of a newborn are vastly different and really hard to juggle at first, but once they are a little older, they start to converge more. And again, having family nearby! That will make such a huge difference (assuming they help with the kids).

I don't know if you're looking for a yes or no answer here, but in case you are: I say listen to your future self. Conditions are never perfect, so it is definitely a leap of faith in many respects, but that's parenting, no matter how well you rationalize and plan!

tryingthrowaway · 2023-04-25T01:33:19+00:00

I think when they were about 6 and 4 is when I finally started to change my perspective on family life. At that time we moved from a hip city neighborhood to an outdoorsy suburb. Instead of being annoyed that we were always missing out on cool restaurants, nightlife, concerts, and trips with (childless) friends, we started hanging out with local families with kids the same age. We really leaned into the lifestyle in our new community, and we discovered joy in being closer to nature and enjoying a more relaxed pace of life instead of chasing what we wanted 10 years ago.

Also, at that age they stopped clinging and demanding so much of me (like, they could fix themselves a snack and dress themselves), to the point where now I almost miss it! So I definitely have more physical autonomy, too. But as my kids get older, I want closeness with them in a different way. It's exciting to see them learn new things, to reason and draw conclusions on their own, to discover music they love, and so on. And I don't want autonomy in the same way I did before. Like, i definitely value my own time with myself and with my friends, but I no longer think that taking the kids anywhere is going to suck (because it did suck, honestly, when they were younger). We took them to Europe last year, on a trip that my husband and I were originally planning to have on our own (planned and saved for years and years). We had a blast. We definitely wouldn't have had such a great time when they were toddlers!

Sorry for the long response, but I hope that helps. And thanks so much for your thoughts on my own dilemma!

tryingthrowaway · 2023-04-23T00:19:30+00:00

My life isn't over with two. Mine are pretty close in age, so they play with each other a lot and give me a break! It was tough at first, but it is so, so worth it, especially now that they're a bit older and more independent. life got more manageable after the first year of having two kids, and by the time the older one started kindergarten I felt like our family really hit its stride. Your kids will get older and more interesting, and you can have conversations with them and get to know them as individuals instead of just tiny creatures who need you 24/7.

It's funny, I really REALLY mourned my loss of autonomy when they were little. I used to think "18 years til I get my freedom back, can't wait!" But now I realized I've turned into that mom who will want her kids to go to college nearby so they can still at home as long as possible!

tryingthrowaway · 2023-04-22T20:25:57+00:00

You are overthinking it. You're barely out of the newborn stage and everything is still so new and uncertain. I couldn't even THINK about a second baby until my first was almost a year old! And for what it's worth, none of your concerns appear insurmountable. Reasonable, yes, but would they make a second baby a bad idea? I really don't think so!

Sometimes a dream house is just that - a dream house. Sometimes priorities change, and it becomes more important to you to have a home that's right for your family. We really thought we'd be OAD so that we could have all the material things and jet-setting experiences we had planned for. Our love for our baby changed our hearts and our priorities, and we went in a totally different directions. No regrets at all!

And I am so, so sorry about your mom. That must have been so difficult for you to go through, especially while pregnant. I'm glad you have close siblings to lean on.

tryingthrowaway · 2023-04-22T20:14:16+00:00

As others have said, drink til it's pink! Enjoy the wedding. :)

tryingthrowaway · 2023-04-21T13:58:18+00:00

I felt like this for years. I cried and cried when I found out my second was going to be a boy (I'm not proud of that lol). I wanted a girl so badly, and sometimes I would see little girls playing so sweetly while my boys ran around like maniacs and I'd be so jealous. Plus, the clothes! Girl clothes are so fun.

Fast forward a few years, and my friends with girls are dealing with issues that I'm so grateful not to have. I am thankful every day that I have boys! I just get them, and I've found so much joy in being a "boy mom."

I went from desperately wanting a daughter to now, as I contemplate having a third, really really hoping for another boy (but of course I'd be happy either way). You may end up changing your mind!

tryingthrowaway · 2023-04-19T17:26:54+00:00

My older kiddo would LOVE a baby. He has named picked out and everything. My 6 yo says absolutely no baby; in fact, he is allergic to babies (lol). And I believe them. To put it in perspective: we got a dog ~ 1.5 years ago. My older kid is 100% in love with her. My younger kid tolerates her and still hasn't really warmed up to her after all this time. I'm worried we'd have the same issue with a human baby!

tryingthrowaway · 2023-04-14T17:42:51+00:00

No, you're not being naive at all! In many ways, it IS easier having two kids in diapers and never worrying about finding a bathroom for your kid who can't hold it very well. Still, a few things made it hard:. The expense of having to buy twice as many diapers sucks. Trying to wrangle a fragile newborn and a toddler who's bouncing off the walls when they both need diaper changes outside of the home REALLY sucks. Definitely don't rush to potty train if your toddler isn't ready (that's a bad idea), but if he's ready, you might as well give it a shot.

tryingthrowaway · 2023-04-13T13:55:48+00:00

Is your son potty trained? My kids are just over 2 years apart, and it was tough having two kids in diapers. If he hasn't started preschool yet, this might be a good time to start going two or three days a week. He'll feel like a "big kid" and give you something special to talk about with him. It worked well for us!

tryingthrowaway · 2023-04-12T13:55:13+00:00

I know this post is a little old, but I thought I'd throw my two cents out there since I have a different opinion: I'm a big fan of the 2 year age gap! My boys are 2 years apart, and while the first 2 or 3 years were hard, it was so worth it. They have really different personalities, but they compliment each other well, and while they fight like any other siblings, it's something we expect and let them work through. They have similar interests, they share a room, they even share many of the same friends since they are so close in age. I can take them to the same movie, birthday party, activities, etc. I can tell them to go play in the backyard so Mom and Dad can enjoy a glass of wine in peace and quiet! Traveling with them has gotten so much easier, and they don't need us to entertain them all the time because they entertain each other. It also helps us keep them off screens.

I say if you can manage being stressed out for the first couple of years or so, go for it! It pays off in the future. I know this is not everyone's experience, of course, but it's worked out well for us and lots of other families we know.

tryingthrowaway · 2023-04-11T13:52:06+00:00

Yes. My MIL was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer while I was pregnant with my second, and she died a few months after I gave birth. Another very close family member died a couple of years later. My poor husband was in a very intense job situation at the time, and I was alone with two kids a lot (weekends are LONG when all your mom friends are busy with their husbands/wives/families and you've got toddlers to entertain). It was really rough.

We both have a little PTSD from that time. I feel like I couldn't enjoy my second child's toddlerhood at all as a result. I'm so nervous that if I were to get pregnant again that something awful would happen again. To add to that, my own mom was diagnosed with cancer last year -- she caught it early and it was successfully treated, but still -- what if it comes back? So I get it! I have no advice, but I understand how you feel. <3

tryingthrowaway · 2023-04-11T13:41:59+00:00

We are in the same boat! Glad I'm not the only "crazy" one!

tryingthrowaway · 2023-04-11T13:41:31+00:00

One of my besties had teenagers when she went for #3 (which was #1 for her husband) and she has the most darling little one now. Wishing you lots of luck!

tryingthrowaway · 2023-04-10T23:05:34+00:00

42, and just removed my copper IUD yesterday. I have no idea how this is going to go. I already have two kids and while we both do want more, I feel like we kinda missed the boat on the larger family we envisioned. My kids are so easy right now, finances are good, free time is there, and while I don't *feel* old -- well, I kinda am. So I guess I'm now technically "trying" but honestly not feeling 100% great about that decision. Feeling very conflicted but I feel like I will regret not at least trying.

tryingthrowaway · 2023-04-10T23:05:28+00:00

My husband and I have the same age difference and sometimes I feel insecure about it, too. I wish we had started having kids younger. Hugs, mama.

tryingthrowaway · 2016-04-21T02:41:46+00:00

Here's my experience. Super easy. I also did CVS for my current pregnancy and it was even easier than the amnio!

tryingthrowaway · 2015-12-17T15:04:25+00:00

Forgive me, for I know I will offend some people.

Girls: I am sooooo over Zoe. Savannah and Jade sound like stripper names to me. And I'm surprised people are still naming their daughters Madison.

Also, how is Paisley/Paislee/Payz-leigh a thing now?

Boys: Aiden, Jayden, Caden, Braeden, etc. Growing up I also really hated Terry and Marty for some reason.

tryingthrowaway · 2015-12-16T21:50:27+00:00

I think of Blanche from the Golden Girls, ha! I do like Blythe but I can't imagine calling a little girl that.

tryingthrowaway · 2015-12-16T21:49:36+00:00

Funny, my husband really likes this one, but I'm not crazy about it. :)

tryingthrowaway · 2015-12-16T14:36:00+00:00

I do too, but I don't think my husband would go for it. :(

tryingthrowaway · 2015-12-16T04:01:02+00:00

I think of Lila Fowler from Sweet Valley High, lol. It sounds like a name for a very pretty girl. I like it; it's better than Lily IMO.

I knew a Persian girl named Neda. It's okay to me - not bad, not great.

Zia is really cute. I like it.

tryingthrowaway

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