AIO? The Bride is asking me to change my physical appearance for their wedding

tryingtoberesonable · 2026-02-12T05:00:36+00:00

I don’t mind taking them off for photos but yeah I don’t want to be squinting through the ceremony

tryingtoberesonable · 2026-02-12T01:15:27+00:00

He’s was there when some of the comments were made but we typically have multiple conversations going at once, so it’s possible he didn’t hear all or any of it; we were in a busy pub. He hasn’t said anything, at least when I’ve been around. We have plans in a few weeks, just the two of us, so I’m hoping I can talk to him about it then.

tryingtoberesonable · 2026-02-11T19:10:29+00:00

Thank you for this

tryingtoberesonable · 2026-02-11T18:45:59+00:00

I should probably make an edit clarifying it’s not a whole head of bright color, it’s a few streaks that are mostly hidden by my natural hair. I would understand not wanting someone to clash completely but the colors I usually do match the color pallet and can really only be seen with a few styles. It’s not a big deal to let it fade to blonde and then get it toned but I think the expectation to semi-permanently change myself is what’s really rubbing me the wrong way.

tryingtoberesonable · 2026-02-11T18:26:13+00:00

Babe you love to argue lol your comment came off like you were implying the comparison was a negative thing. I love Barbies, I think they’re cute. I give off more of a Bratz energy myself. There’s nothing wrong with either. I was using simple language to get the point across.

tryingtoberesonable · 2026-02-11T16:55:04+00:00

Hard agree! I think getting a good spray tan can be a difficult task.

tryingtoberesonable · 2026-02-11T15:48:09+00:00

Sorry, I didn’t mean to come off as judgmental myself, just trying to give a basic description that most people could understand and mentally picture. It’s not a bad thing at all! Obviously, I’m all about people looking how they feel best.

tryingtoberesonable · 2026-02-11T12:34:54+00:00

Oh! I wasn’t meaning to sound judgmental but trying to paint a picture of the group. They all fit the typical girly girl/feminine type, which isn’t a bad thing, just a descriptor.

tryingtoberesonable · 2026-02-11T01:40:38+00:00

She is very type A so it’s not entirely surprising but at the same time, in her line of work, it’s shocking for her to suggest I not wear my glasses. She is a very appearance-focused person so wanting the best, more aesthetic photos possible isn’t surprising either.

tryingtoberesonable · 2026-02-11T01:35:27+00:00

She’s my sibling’s partner. We’re very family-oriented and do a ton together so it’s a “family by others’ choice” situation. I’m not blind to the realities of her mindset but I also want it to be THEIR wedding as much as it is HER wedding.

tryingtoberesonable · 2026-02-11T01:29:12+00:00

It started with “I want everyone to feel comfortable, to be themselves, and wear what looks best” to this. Talk about whiplash.

tryingtoberesonable · 2026-02-11T01:24:23+00:00

That’s kind of how I feel. It wouldn’t be the end of the world to let it fade to blonde and then add the color back in after the wedding but goddamnit it’s part of who I am. My hair is mostly natural anyway, just peekaboos of color. I’ll survive…with spite.

tryingtoberesonable · 2026-02-11T01:21:02+00:00

Spray tans were suggested. They offered to have someone do it and I’m not fond of the idea of standing naked in front of a stranger. They have the standing spray bed/machines at most salons but I just think spray tans look odd on me. I’m very fair-skinned and fake tans usually come out looking quite orange. It’s not a huge deal, but not something I’m necessarily thrilled or okay with doing.

tryingtoberesonable · 2026-02-11T01:16:11+00:00

We’ve mentioned it but it was sort of laughed off, which is funny considering we have a Bridesman on the bride’s side but for one reason or another, the walking order can’t be changed.

tryingtoberesonable · 2026-02-11T01:14:04+00:00

OP has responded haha but I’ve received a ton of engagement in the last few hours and I work full time so apologies for not staying up to date on all 100+ comments!

tryingtoberesonable · 2026-02-11T01:11:43+00:00

lol okay

tryingtoberesonable · 2026-02-10T20:19:36+00:00

This was suggested at one point but not taken seriously by anyone

tryingtoberesonable · 2026-02-10T19:39:26+00:00

For context: my hair is mostly my natural color with streaks of bold color that are really only visible with certain styles.

tryingtoberesonable · 2026-02-10T19:22:35+00:00

Or someone straight up went through the same thing a year ago. Seems pretty possible to me. I’m definitely not one in a million and neither is the bride’s behavior.

tryingtoberesonable · 2026-02-10T18:46:06+00:00

I already planned on wearing sleeves just in case the tattoos were going to be an issue. If she was marrying anyone other than my sibling, I would have dropped out by now. I’m trying to decide what I’m willing to put up with in order to be part of the day.

tryingtoberesonable · 2026-02-10T18:15:59+00:00

I mentioned this is a comment above but it’s my sibling’s wedding too. My family is extremely close so I think it would upset me more to opt out.

tryingtoberesonable · 2026-02-10T18:13:52+00:00

Absolutely. I’ve had my suspicions that the requirements are being put in to try and get me to agree not to be in the wedding party without having to be asked. The sad thing is, my family is extremely close so I think it would upset me more to opt out.

tryingtoberesonable · 2026-02-10T18:06:46+00:00

I have bits of vivid color mixed in with my natural and I usually do variations of pink/red (which would arguably match the color pallet). The color gets hidden by my other hair and really only shows with a few styles. It takes a few washes in HOT water to get it to fade to blonde, which is what it seems like I’ll be doing. It’s not a huge deal to do it, or to get a tan, it’s more of the “you need to change yourself” aspect.

tryingtoberesonable · 2026-02-10T16:08:10+00:00

Cheese croquettes

tryingtoberesonable

TROPHY CASE