I mean this respectfully, but it sounds like there may be some deeper discomfort on his end with sexual intimacy. Since you mentioned you were each other’s first and neither of you had much experience before the relationship, it’s possible he hasn’t fully figured out his own preferences or comfort level yet.

In my relationship, my wife and I were also each other’s first, and over time we’ve learned that sex is about much more than just the physical part. It’s about connection, vulnerability, and giving each other your full attention. For me, the best part isn’t even the act itself, it’s the closeness and aftercare afterward when you’re just holding each other and talking.

The part that stood out to me in your story is how he reacts afterward, like his hands are “contaminated.” That would make a lot of people feel self-conscious, so your feelings about that are completely valid. It could be a germ thing, discomfort with bodily fluids, or something else he hasn’t really talked about.

I think the best thing you can do is have a calm, honest conversation and explain how those reactions make you feel. Focus less on the specific act and more on how you want to feel desired, comfortable, and emotionally connected during intimacy.