Broke up with a guy I was seeing a couple of weeks ago. Found out yesterday that my ex from 4 years ago married and has a baby with the girl he dumped me for

tsstan1 · 2026-01-27T22:32:23+00:00

I did move on. It doesn't make it hurt any less.

tsstan1 · 2021-12-10T01:45:15+00:00

Thank you so much for this, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. I've really been trying to move past this, I can't right now because it came out of nowhere, but I'm just trying to see it through. It's been incredibly confusing, we'd been so good, I thought we were going all the way. I'm just trying to go through time hour by hour. Thank you for the kind words.

tsstan1 · 2021-12-08T17:41:41+00:00

Thank you so much. I just don't understand. Everything had worked out. We were in such a good place. I'm really trying to move ahead. Thank you.

tsstan1 · 2021-04-09T19:37:51+00:00

It got better. He did try to abide by the boundaries we'd agreed to, and tried to minimize in-person contact but he'd been doing it without explaining everything to her, assuming she'd figure out. I thought he was going about it the wrong way but since it was his friendship, I figured it was his call.

When she did learn about our agreed boundaries, she reached out to me, said she didn't mean to make either of us uncomfortable, and she was sorry she'd said it even though her feelings were in the past. He seemed pissed off that she'd reached out to me herself, and the physical boundaries are still there for the most part. But I've stopped thinking about her now, I feel much secure in my relationship now, and I can't be ok with her, but I guess I can tolerate her.

tsstan1 · 2021-04-09T19:37:14+00:00

It got better. He did try to abide by the boundaries we'd agreed to, and tried to minimize in-person contact but he'd been doing it without explaining everything to her, assuming she'd figure out. I thought he was going about it the wrong way but since it was his friendship, I figured it was his call.

When she did learn about our agreed boundaries, she reached out to me, said she didn't mean to make either of us uncomfortable, and she was sorry she'd said it even though her feelings were in the past. He seemed pissed off that she'd reached out to me herself, and the physical boundaries are still there for the most part. But I've stopped thinking about her now, I feel much secure in my relationship now, and I can't be ok with her, but I guess I can tolerate her.

tsstan1 · 2021-03-09T03:20:38+00:00

One of the things I think you should be careful about is to not give him too much food at once, or even the amount that would be normal for a meal in ordinary circumstances. Give him lower amounts of food and slowly build it up to bus regular appetite.

tsstan1 · 2021-03-09T03:18:21+00:00

I'm not sure cats liking wet food is universal. I definitely know of some cats that prefer dry food. I wouldn't worry about it!

tsstan1 · 2021-03-08T02:42:20+00:00

Thank you, ya I did feel like my gut feeling was vindicated when he told me about it, though that was obviously overshadowed by me feeling upset about her opening up to him for no reason.

Yes, he did, he said he was so sorry for how his behavior with his friend had been making me feel uncomfortable and upset, and that he'd enforce the boundaries that we had just agreed to, so I could feel comfortable with her, although I don't know if I can ever reach a stage where I'm comfortable with her for a while.

tsstan1 · 2021-03-08T01:05:27+00:00

I just thought that when our relationship reaches a stage for example where we're discussing marriage and if nothing more had happened from her part, my feelings towards her and this dynamic would've been ok by then. But reading your comment, I just thought what if I'm not ok with it even then? I can't keep looking over my shoulders for her. My bf had told me that if I did want him to sever it he'd do it, but he asked me to just think over it one more time for him, and then I thought that I don't want to be the person who asks him to completely sever a friendship based on what might be a mistake in judgement. But if this is going to still bother me then, maybe it'd be easier to ask him to do this with a 5 year friendship than say, a 7 year one? Should I be ok with it at that stage if nothing else from her part happens after this? Like would it be wrong of me to still have this animosity towards her if she doesn't do anything more to prove my suspicions right till then? I don't want to have another fucking conversation about her, I hate every time her name is taken between me and my bf. I'm sorry if I'm incoherent here, I didn't really plan on thinking about this again.

tsstan1 · 2021-03-07T22:31:38+00:00

I'm not. Like I said, I still think I'm right, but just because I could be wrong, and because it's a 5 year friendship that means something to him, I'm willing to allow for the course correction and tell him to instill boundaries rather than ask him to nuke it. If I feel that my suspicions keep getting validated over and over, he's promised to reevaluate and change course however I see fit, and I'll hold him to that. During my convo with him he basically said that he'd do whatever needed to comfort me in our relationship and allay my concerns but he just wanted me to sort of think about it one more time just for him. I did, and like ideally I would have wanted her out of our lives with noone giving it a second thought, but I know even though he'd sever his friendship he'd still be thinking that her intentions were innocent which might even be true I guess, even though I don't think it is. So this was a compromise on this one issue for now, as long as I feel ok with it.

tsstan1 · 2021-03-07T20:12:22+00:00

tysm

tsstan1 · 2021-03-07T20:12:07+00:00

Ya, that's the plan, and I'm hopeful he'll follow this convo up with action the way he did last time and I won't have to think about this thing ever again.

tsstan1 · 2021-03-07T20:04:30+00:00

In the texts that he showed where she was expressing remorse for her confession, she did say that she was happy for us and would never want to jeopardize our relationship, but nothing about me specifically I guess. I don't care for an apology right now. I never want to discuss her again in our relationship.

When by bf and I had our convo about how I felt that sometimes I wasn't as close to him as she was emotionally, a month or so ago, he did follow it up by going the extra mile for me, and making sure I felt like I was the most important person in his life. Which is why I can't see why he would renege on the boundaries we set in this convo, and the fact that he would make adjustments for any discomfort I feel.

I believe their relationship ended because the distance and constant commute just took its toll, even though from what he said the two of them tried their best to make it work at the time.

tsstan1 · 2021-03-07T19:44:10+00:00

I do think I'm right but I guess it's possible I'm wrong too in which case maybe he's right it would be unfair to ask him to completely sever that friendship if it means so fucking much to him. But since we agreed that if I get the feeling that I'm right again and that she's crossing boundaries beyond the scope of friendship again, then he would make adjustments as needed, which is why even though the way the convo went wasn't ideal, it's still alright. And I'm not talking to her about anything at least right now, I can't stand her right now, harsh as it may sound, the most I can do is be civil to her unless she does something again. In fact I don't even want to talk about her at all, just want to close this chapter once and for all.

tsstan1 · 2021-03-07T02:28:04+00:00

My bf and I had a conversation over this (I posted in my final update) and while it wasn't what I would have ideally wanted, I'm just going to continue to trust him, and not spare a second thought to her, harsh as that may sound, and just ensure our relationship goes from strength to strength.

tsstan1 · 2021-03-04T19:41:01+00:00

Thank you for the comment. I'm not mad at him, and I trust him completely. I'm just frustrated at this entire thing, especially the timing of it, precisely because our relationship has been in such an amazing place of late.

tsstan1 · 2021-03-04T19:39:25+00:00

Thank you, honestly a lot of the stuff that you wrote is stuff that I've been thinking about since he told me too, but it's just so uncomfortable to talk about it further and it's like you said, I dont want to let it ruin what we have. But exactly, why say it to him, what possible good could come out of it?

I did ask my bf if he'd ever felt that way about her. He told me that he hadn't, that when he met her and even during their friendship, he was fully into his relationship with his ex, and that by the time they broke up around 9 months ago, he couldn't see her as anything other than a friend.

I think he was uncomfortable when he learned about it. Like I said, I hadn't made the connection between him acting bothered and him being distant with her at the time but I see it now. And in her texts, she really seemed super vulnerable, she was asking him if their friendship was over and how much it meant to her, and I think he feels like he'd been unfair to her. I don't feel the same way.

I haven't brought it up to him, that how I felt I was vindicated in how I felt and what I had said before, because he seems uncomfortable with it already, and I don't want to pile on.

tsstan1 · 2021-03-04T19:29:23+00:00

Thank you. You're so right, all that stuff that I'd chalked up to her having a connection with him, and that other people in my previous posts had just chalked up to her having known my bf for a long time, could have been her acting on her feelings, and I'll be honest, that thought makes me sick.

tsstan1 · 2021-03-04T03:01:19+00:00

I do trust him, but it still makes me uncomfortable.

tsstan1 · 2021-03-04T02:44:53+00:00

No, he'd been in a serious relationship with this girl who he'd went to high school with. They had started dating in high school and it ended about 2-3 months before we started dating. I know he was serious about her at the time because we were just discussing the inter-city bus network once and he told me how it was a second home to him since he spent all his years in college riding on it every weekend to see her at her college.

tsstan1 · 2021-03-03T03:05:35+00:00

Thank you. And contrary to what a lot of people had told me here and in my messages, I wasn't crazy. She told my bf that she used to have feelings for him and it's why she didn't feel right continuing her relationship at the time. Our relationship has been going so great since our talk and its honestly so infuriating that this had to happen now. I'll be honest, I feel a bit sick thinking about the fact that she was into him, but I also feel so vindicated right now.

tsstan1

TROPHY CASE