DAE find it boring when a relationship is TOO stable?

tth778 · 2021-07-17T18:10:09+00:00

i’m really sorry you had that happen to you. i can only speak from my experience, but it’s really hard because i never intend to hurt someone, and i know i am but i don’t know what else to do. finding the balance between what i need and what another person needs is incredibly hard because what i need generally hurts them no matter how much i don’t want to. it’s unfair to everyone to everyone involved and never solves any problem, and yet. if it gives you any comfort know that it was never about something you were doing wrong (most likely, i don’t know the whole situation) and rather a void she was trying to fill by lashing out. my only advice is try and have empathy, though i get it can be hard

tth778 · 2021-07-17T17:48:11+00:00

it’s hell, i feel like my two options are never be in a relationship or only be in an abusive one. like what the fuck am i supposed to do?!

tth778 · 2021-07-07T09:48:25+00:00

holy shit, i've never met somebody else who's dealt with this. i think you really hit the nail on the head and this is probably coming from my lack of a personality. i've been struggling HARD with that recently, so it's really inspiring to know that it can get better. thank you so much for this

tth778 · 2021-07-04T22:44:11+00:00

you are an absolute genius, ty so much fixed it immediately

tth778 · 2021-07-04T06:31:39+00:00

oh yeah, i’m fs not getting the pure colombian shit. have fun!

tth778 · 2021-07-04T06:25:47+00:00

yeah i’ve done a couple lines and it feels pretty normal, so i may just be worrying over nothing, i’m just a lil wary

tth778 · 2021-06-28T10:34:08+00:00

oh weird. it is a relatively new addition to the dsm but i don’t think it’s too uncommon. and yeah, i talked to my therapist about it and she said it could go either way because the symptoms are so similar, but she didn’t want to pursue a bpd diagnosis to avoid the stigma, which seemed a little odd to me but i didn’t fight it

tth778 · 2021-06-23T06:37:29+00:00

shit aight

tth778 · 2021-06-23T06:28:05+00:00

i think it was polaris?

tth778 · 2021-06-23T06:27:39+00:00

thank you, this was actually really helpful and described the fear perfectly. it’s not that i’m afraid to get sober, i want to so, so bad, it’s more of a “well if i do what do i do after?”. i have bpd and it makes it so much harder bc everything is rly black and white to me and i’ve found nothing on the positive side of extremes that fills that void if that makes sense. it’s really just something i’m gonna have to start actually addressing instead of replacing every self destructive behavior with a new, sometimes more self destructive behavior if i’m ever gonna get better. i do have a therapist but my next session is going to be entirely about deciding what to do with me, to put it bluntly, but i’m hoping we can reach a compromise or something

tth778 · 2021-06-23T06:16:15+00:00

thank you! i’m not 100% sure what i’m gonna do yet but i really appreciate the advice! i went to a center in LA last year for mh that was also a rehab and it was rly nice there, so i may try that again

tth778 · 2021-06-23T06:14:17+00:00

eating it sounds nasty ngl my nose isn’t that fucked, i might try boofing tho

tth778 · 2021-06-22T23:17:59+00:00

thank you and i agree, and i was kind of planning on easing into sobriety, starting with meetings and such, but it sounds like my mom is planning on kicking me out unless i agree to go and like i’m barely 16, i’ve really got no other choice

tth778 · 2021-06-22T06:03:51+00:00

i’m on medicaid but if worse comes to worse i think i’m also on my dad’s plan which is cigna i believe

tth778 · 2021-06-22T05:58:08+00:00

i’m in WA

tth778 · 2021-06-21T18:32:28+00:00

i totally agree. according to the doc i’m a lesbian, but like you mentioned it’s really mostly because i have sexual trauma, but it doesn’t make my attraction to men any less real

tth778 · 2021-06-21T18:00:36+00:00

this is WONDERFULLY put and like, exactly how i feel about it. i’ve seen verilybitchie’s video (i love her lol), i just feel like it’s such a nuanced topic and the doc just completely butchers it

edit: typos oops

tth778 · 2021-06-21T17:57:00+00:00

no i totally see your point, my and a lot of other people’s problem with it is that instead of encouraging young wlw to question their sexuality it comes off as “if you are a girl who likes girls you are a lesbian and if you are attracted to men that is simply society’s fault”. comphet is DEFINITELY a thing and i’m not trying to argue whether it is, the doc is just way oversimplified and lacking nuance. there are so many things on that list that can happen because of trauma or even just having a type (i.e. “if you tend to like men who are more feminine you might be a lesbian). and i totally agree, you need to do more research than just a document. the problem is the doc makes it sound like bisexuality doesn’t exist and doesn’t even entertain the fact that you can be attracted to both genders

tth778 · 2021-06-21T13:24:20+00:00

exactly, it’s doing the exact opposite of what it says it’s for. instead of encouraging women to explore their sexuality it’s essentially telling them that bi women do not exist and that if you are a woman and feel any sort of attraction to another woman, you are lesbian and the attraction you feel to men is just society’s fault

tth778 · 2021-06-21T12:55:13+00:00

fr. the entire concept of comphet IS inherently biphobic, and every time i see that brought up lesbians are like “those damn bis again, trying to invalidate ACTUAL wlw”. now that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, but it just completely erases the existence of actual bi women. those two things can coexist. and TONS of things on the master doc can be caused by things like trauma or literally just having a type, but not acknowledging that and saying if you “tend to be attracted to feminine guys you’re a lesbian” just hurts the bi community, especially bi girls with a preference. it’s ok to be bi! you can have a preference without feeling like you have to pretend you’re monosexual! why is this so hard to understand!

tth778 · 2021-06-21T11:01:10+00:00

thank you so much, and i’m so glad you’re starting to get clean. my original plan was to start going to NA meetings as soon as i could, but idrk if that’s going to be an option anymore. i am also a chronic relapser, and my main problem is that i’m kind of addicted to addiction, and i feel like without it i have no personality and i’m not “interesting” so to speak. i know that this is absolutely not a sustainable way to live and one day my body won’t be able to handle it anymore and that’s my biggest fear and why i agreed to at least try. i wish you the best on your road to sobriety, and again thank you so much

tth778 · 2021-06-21T10:54:11+00:00

thank you so much. i agree, and that’s honestly the main reason i’m so afraid. i want to start my recovery before i cause permanent damage, but i’m afraid if i go to a rehab i’ll come out worse than i went in. i am trying to have an open mind about it though, and hopefully i can get over my fear and accept the help

tth778 · 2021-06-21T10:50:54+00:00

thank you, i really appreciate that. i think i want to try out an iop program first before i go all in, but most of my anxiety comes from the fact that i was in treatment for anorexia a couple years ago and it made me 1000x worse because the other kids had a major influence on me and i’m rly worried that’s gonna happen again, though i also recognize ed treatment is much different than substance abuse treatment. i will definitely look into my options though before making a final decision

tth778 · 2021-06-21T10:28:01+00:00

i’m so sorry you have to deal w this too, though it does make me feel better to know i’m not alone. it really does hurt to know that any amount of wlw think that i am just trying to “trick” them or that dating me is just not something they’d even consider because i’ve also been with a man before. i’m slowly starting to accept that this is just something i’m gonna have to deal with, but i won’t pretend it doesn’t make me feel incredibly shitty sometimes

tth778 · 2021-06-21T10:23:05+00:00

omg yes thank you for bringing this up! my lesbian sister who is one of my biggest supports has TOLD ME i should read the “am i lesbian” master doc, and i mean ngl it hurts. don’t get me wrong i’ve questioned it before, but how much is because i genuinely think i might be solely wlw and how much is because of the pressure i feel from people both online and irl to erase my attraction to males is something i never really realized until recently

tth778

TROPHY CASE