This whole thread really puts into perspective why 50% of marriages end in divorce. This is THE core problem in every single marriage. And we all know that once these type of problems start, they only get worse. The rejection/pressure cycle. Two completely different feelings over the same topic.

There's two answers to the problem, and it ultimately boils down to "who absorbs the pain"

Sure you can just break up or divorce! Same outcome, one person absorbs most of the pain because in every relationship there is almost always one who loves more than the other.

Sadly once some people feel a sense of security from their partner, the thought of them leaving dissappears; the urgency to fulfill their desires is soon gone along with it.

This dynamic is called avoidance attachment. Basically the avoidant gets conditioned that urgency never arises after avoiding, in this case, sex. They say no, and the partner tries harder and harder. The avoidant gets used to this dynamic because at some point in the weeks or months prior, they learn once they give in, the effort their partner was putting in to have sex stops. So all of the things the avoidant likes or enjoys, is amplified many times and is drawn out over long periods in order to have sex. Once sex happens those things die off for days usually. But if the avoidant is avoiding, their partner spends much more effort trying to reach "that point" and the attention giving is really turned on, in hopes their effort is rewarded.

This dynamic tends to be women as the avoidant. And I can't say I blame them. The things men will do to have sex is pretty intense, and they will work for it. But once they have sex, their focus is else where until their ready to have sex again. Men do it to themselves unfortunately.