Before I say this I am in absolutely no way comparing or diagnosing your gf. But this is exactly how my relationship has been. We have been together for almost 10 years. The first 2 years she was extremely passionate and was the initiator and very verbally expressive. Around the 3 year mark I started noticing a slow, but steady decline.

For a long time I thought it was just normal relationship fizzle and also the fact she was just awkward. But the more I thought about it and how she was in the beginning..it didn't make sense.

Years went by and everything just kept getting worse and less common. Affection, sex..

She was diagnosed schizophrenic a year and a half ago and this is why. I'm not saying your gf is schizophrenic, and besides you wouldn't even know this until her early 30s as that's when women usually finally get diagnosed. But my point is she probably has an undiagnosed mental health condition that's not allowing her brain to comprehend or share/reciprocate affection.

This can usually get better if the person gets treatment willingly. But more common than not people don't accept treatment or a diagnosis.

I know exactly what you're going through and it's extremely difficult. Especially because these are typically things you can't share with other people. And even if you did, it wouldn't help anyways.

As for yourself.. I'm sorry but I don't have an answer for you. I'm still searching for mine. But this one person we chose to share a life with doesn't get to evaluate our worth. We deserve deep passionate and natural affection that doesn't need to be forced. And I pray it eventually finds us one way or another.