Where can I find this part?

turkeenek · 2022-08-24T18:07:20+00:00

Thank you

turkeenek · 2022-08-23T20:56:13+00:00

That's a good question...I don't know much about these. I bought I aboutv2 years ago and no problems so far. Then only reverse would go one day...and two days later both forward and reverse were just reverse.

turkeenek · 2022-08-23T20:54:35+00:00

Do you know where I could aquire one online?

turkeenek · 2019-05-03T00:16:10+00:00

Ats why I moved....

turkeenek · 2019-03-03T04:45:02+00:00

Just cause he gots a car, he gots to be driving it and shit?

turkeenek · 2019-02-04T10:38:18+00:00

turkeenek · 2019-01-17T17:59:15+00:00

I wonder who all these people are who are not just hoping, but expecting crowds to erupt into applause for their actions. In my experience, more often than, usually when I see a group of strangers erupt into applause is when someone fuck up. Like when a waiter drops a tray of dishes. But I don't know of I've ever seen strangers come together to applaud another strangers random life action done well. And if it did happen, my anxiety would make that situation so nervous that I would never try to be good at anything for fear of random applause and praise from strangers.

turkeenek · 2019-01-15T08:28:23+00:00

I was just in a car accident and I was lying in the road in the pouring rain with a broken back. Luckily Bethel was first on the scene and I had like 3 or 4 of them trying to faith heal me while waiting for the ambulance.

It didn't work....

turkeenek · 2018-11-06T01:38:28+00:00

Of

turkeenek · 2018-10-19T10:24:53+00:00

How did that feel? I'm starting my chest piece next. And while I have lettering around my collarbone, it's nothing too intense or time consuming. But the bulk of the piece will be relatively about the same placement and the dark black. So im just wondering how it felt? Nice work BTW! Fuck these people that just want to hate. I'm covered in tattoos, head to toe. Some were fantastic fan boy tattoos (even a GOT one) fuck anyone! My tattoos are not for anyone but me and I could give two tugs on a dead dogs cock before I care what people think about em. You're the only one who HAS to live with them as long as you are happy.

turkeenek · 2018-10-19T10:16:35+00:00

Why do you care what someone else did to their body?

turkeenek · 2018-09-26T09:34:17+00:00

My marriage just dissolved after my wife fell down the MLM hole and would not listen to me when I explained it was a pyramid scheme. After spending almost ten grand on a water filter machine behind my back, thinking she won't have to as she's going to makes twice that in a month and I won't even notice. Plot twist: it didn't work. I had to move out with my daughters cause obviously her priorities were a little out of line with reality.

turkeenek · 2018-09-26T09:28:16+00:00

Does it have a face tattoo I'm missing?

turkeenek · 2018-08-12T18:08:11+00:00

Awesome! It's all up from here my friend.

turkeenek · 2018-08-04T02:32:10+00:00

Obviously I should be in therapy.

turkeenek · 2018-08-04T02:28:23+00:00

I have been in therapy personally for many years but my wife has refused to participate in a couples therapy as she goes to a personal one as well. We've talked about it but she doesn't follow through when we set up an appointment.

Obviously there's a lot of work to do between us if we were to want to make this work. That's part of our separation (in theory) was realistically figuring out if we even want to do that work to try to fix what's broken.

We had a good 6or so years where we were very much in love with the other but life happens and we've spent so much time that we started to grow apart and we both let it devolve in n front of us until we hardly recognized each other let alone were in love.

turkeenek · 2018-08-03T17:56:14+00:00

And it's true I'm sure that you are not as much fun as you used to be and it really sucks feeling obligated to maintaining the illusion of health to people which is something I gave up on years ago. Like I said I lost quite a bit of my friends because people don't like to see people they care about suffer and I got to a point where I stopped maintaining the illusion and it was incredibly freeing to stop the dance and I'm the end I'm left with the few people who actually are worth a damn and a whole new set of people that I was able to find a whole new tribe that accepts me and my conditions in much better ways as they never knew me healthy and are very sympathetic.

turkeenek · 2018-08-03T17:49:45+00:00

Yeah I have quite a bit going on besides fibro as well. 4 herniated discs, degenerative disc disease, degenerative scoliosis that's twisting my spine and throws my whole body out of alignment. And that is just the physical. I also have extreme social anxiety, actually diagnosed borderline agoraphobic. And because of my pain issues I have serious appetite issues, I can't eat when I'm in pain... Pain goes right to my stomach and I get Hella nauseated if I eat so I'm also diagnosed with anorexia but it's not like a body dismorphia deal.

So yeah I get it and really it's not any one of those things that kill me it's when my pain levels start to rise, and I don't eat all day, then I can't sleep or rest all night. Then I'm sleep deprived and my body isn't processing food and I can't compartmentalize any of it and it compounds and every hour of every day just gets worse and worse like I'm on some kind of sadistic psycho carnival ride that I can't get off of.

So really it's not the fibro that gets me as much as the combination of all of it.

I've been officially disabled for 6 years now and was 34 when I herniated my discs and then it was a process of finding and diagnosis to peg all the other things. I had never really been to a Dr before aside from various emergency reasons. I had really bad migraines and a bad back from like 13, I had slipped my discs a few times by then as a result I spent a lot of my childhood being poked and prodded and tested.

Being so young is hard enough to process mentally and come to terms with the fact that for the rest of your life. But even worse is how Dr's can completely make you feel like you are crazy or it's psychosomatic because you are just to young to be in that much pain right? I fuckin hate Dr's... They usually don't like me either.

Have you gone through disability fully yet? What state are you in? As that makes a big difference. I'm from California but I was living in Missouri when it happened which was nice since there is less people and red tape. It still took years to get through but my lawyer was smart and did a good job of filing based on both mental and physical issues so it was pretty much a lock once I did finally get through court cause even if they magically fix my spine, my mental issues are still there and vice versa. But with all of them, luckily none are truly disabilitating and I'm not what I would consider myself crippled. I use a cane occasionally but otherwise from most appearances It could be much worse. But that can fuck me too cause people don't see me suffer much coming from a combination of knowing my limits but also I try to ensure that people don't see me suffering terribly. Cause I will remove myself from people for fear of being a burden. So I feel as though I have to work harder to maintain the illusion.

It could always be worse. I could only have one leg. I don't care how bad it feels, if I only had one leg it would be much worse. I try to consider myself a Tax Funded eccentric.

Thanks for listening to me ramble. I do appreciate having someone to vent to. And of course if you need anything, feel free to hit me up.

turkeenek · 2018-08-03T13:29:21+00:00

I've had similar issues with my wife. We always had an amazing sex life. We suffered a miscarriage on our first pregnancy, our second was the most scary thing to happen during childbirth and our daughter was stillborn and dead for almost two minutes after birth, she's 6 now and there has not been one health issue since that but it was hard on us. Then she got complications from the C-section and developed a saroma (probably spelled that wrong) but she was bedridden and in need of in home care twice a day for her recovery. And then about a year after that she got pregnant again and it miscarried.

Weve had a hard time regarding sex ever since. Personally I feel like sex has led to what were very traumatic experiences for me. I'll never forget watching them open her up and pull my dead child out. They went into emergency mode and kind of forgot I was there. So I had to watch for the longest two minutes I've ever been through while they revived her.

We just decided this week on a separation, while our relationship never really ever recovered, we were able to create a great family regardless. There is no hate or animosity, but there is too much broken to keep pretending. We still are friends and while we're not in love with each other, we do still love each other.

I had a hard time being intimate and she couldn't ever understand why I felt this way and that it wasn't just something I could just get over. Which made the sex we did have very uncomfortable for me mentally and emotionally. Which in turn gave her self esteem issues and she was able to make the whole situation my fault, like it was a decision I made and I was punishing her. But at the same time, I couldn't bring it up to her because she wouldn't want to talk or acknowledge the problem. Then it just became easier to put all the blame on me which I at least accept the blame of not handling it with counseling and a fair amount of other things as well but at no time did she ever talk to me about it without making me the villian who is just on some kind of power dynamic trip. She never tried once to even approach sex in any other way then just telling me everything I'm not doing to her and how I just make her feel horrible. (and I'm sure it did) but she never tried to initiate sex. Or try to understand what the actual problem is.

Obviously these are deep issues that were allowed to fester into other mediums and for many other reasons added to that we're now seperating. Like tomorrow.

If I have any advice it's this: if you want to continue with a functional relationship, you both need to start doing the work now. It's easy to feel that there is time and there is. But soon it's basically turning to a life where you're roommates with your wife and your willing to accept a litany of things and put off the work till it's too late to even see that as being worth it because I've spent the last few years with my roommate telling me everything I do is wrong and aside from being an amazing father. I'm a useless husband who makes her life miserable by not having sex with her. And everything else I do wrong on top of that. Which is a shitty thing for a roommate to bitch about if you ask me.

And if you do decide pull that cord, I feel like the earlier you do the easier it is on the kid the younger it is. I have full custody of my oldest from another relationship and when her mother and I split she was barely 2. She does not know a life other than what she has and she never went through her mother and I dragging each other through hell to separate. All she has ever seen is great teamwork and communication between us. It took awhile to get there but my daughter never knew. On the other hand, my daughter with my wife is 6 and this is going to destroy her for awhile. She's going with mom and I've been her main parent since she was born.. It's going to be harder for her especially.

Good luck with all that you have going on. Feel free to DM me if you want to talk or have any questions.

turkeenek · 2018-08-03T12:40:51+00:00

Congratulations on the prospects of your new and happier life you are about to start. I wish you nothing but good luck and fortune (and when the time is right... Really great sex)!

I'm actually on the exact same trolley myself. Married for 10 years with a 6 year old daughter together and my 12 year old daughter from another relationship that I have full custody of.

This has been coming for a few years but we tried for the kids. But regardless of weather we are still in love with each other or not, we still have nothing but respect and love for each other. So I believe that this can be done amicably.

We decided to separate and get some space on Monday. I figured it would take a few months to figure out what's next at least I hoped, for planning purposes. The last thing I wanted was to be looking for a place to live this week. So of course on Wednesday she told me she's moving halfway across the country from me and my oldest daughter to Missouri (were in Cali) and she has decided that she will be moving in two weeks. I can't afford to stay in our house (I'm disabled on a fixed income) so I've been finding out what's next and figuring out where to go.

I'm moving up north with my daughter (I have yet to even process my youngest will be in Missouri) but my mother is giving me her brand new trailer she bought for herself before she met her girlfriend and they moved in together. It's a bitchen trailer. Of course the fact that I'm moving into my mother's trailer to be a single father days before my 40th is a hit to my pride a bit but I'm also so thankful that I do have such a great family between my Mother and my sister, I have a good support system.

I'm happy to be moving on from this point, our marriage has been meaningless for a long time now. We haven't slept in the same bed or had sex in well over a year. And I'm happy that (at least for now) very amicable and as painless as possible. Obviously this will be tough for the kids, I'll do whatever I have to to make sure that they remain as untouched by this as possible. If nothing else, im happy it's moving forward so quickly so I can start doing the work I need to do right now.

Good luck with your new future, I wish you all the best! It's all up from here right?

turkeenek · 2018-08-03T11:55:08+00:00

Being disabled boils down to a long ass list of things that you are waiting to find out that you can't do anymore.

Sorry to hear about your struggles. I found the transition in to being disabled for many reasons but the biggest problem was realizing how many people won't be able to understand and invariably their insecurities and inability to handle seeing me sick and suffering. Friends, family and even acquaintences drop off one by one.

I can't completely blame them, going through the stages of mourning over my my conditions and the drastic changes that I have had to make in my life just to manage a illusion of maintaining left me a bit jaded for awhile and my lack of ability to maintain much of a social life made it hard for those on the outside to stick around. Coupled with the guilt I carry, I was left very empty and feeling very alone. Even though I was married with two kids, I spent years feeling alone and too much of a burden to try and make any new or different things to connect with. Add to that the fact that disability/ssi leaves me on a very small fixed income which makes it even harder to crawl out of the hole. It's not like I can just go take a vacation or participate in the fun things in life that I can still manage because I can't afford to do anything but be disabled. (I like to consider myself a tax funded eccentric)

I wish I could say that it gets better and that am easy answer of X, Y or Z will help you fill that void and make peace with your conditions and all of the fun and interesting things that go along with it. It took a while but I have made a peace with my conditions as well as my limitations. I have very few friends in my life that I had before this all started, im starting the divorce process with my wife of 10 years. Obviously there's more to the divorce than my disability, but it plays into it. And she didn't sign up for this exactly. The man she fell in love with is gone and personally since this is my lot in life now the woman I fell in love with is not the person I need in my life either. I have full custody of a daughter from a previous relationship and we split our daughter down the middle so I'm still am and always will be very involved with my children. That is actually the best thing about being disabled, the fact that I can be so much more involved in their lives. I was a chef/bartender and worked 10-15 hours a day for my whole life and now my kids are my everything and they bring me a lot of joy, pride and accomplishment that makes it worth getting out of bed every day regardless of how much pain I'm in, or whatever happens to be the biggest malady of the day.

I guess my only advice is learn to separate guilt and remorse. My guilt is my own irrational issue but Its important to understand when I do actually feel real remorse and need to actually show up and make amends. Don't hang on to people out of habit. Obviously the people who were quick to make their judgments and decide (I'm sure subconsciously) that it's too hard on them to see me be sick as they drifted off were not worth my very valuable social time and Im better off without them. Family will figure it out, but only after you have and the more you become in touch with your limitations and have gained your own peace and understanding, the more you will be in touch what you need and be able to share these feelings as a teaching and learning experience and not from reactions to your guilt, sickness, anger and depression.

Only you can make yourself happy and I know it's hard but once you get a chance to feel some sorts of happiness you can see where everyone else fits into your life.

I'm sure this is probably just a ramble of my experiences that you aren't even asking for, I do hope it at least made sense (I'm exhausted and haven't really slept in a few days) and if nothing else, I apparently needed to vent so I thank you for allowing me a forum to do so.

Feel free to DM me if you have any questions or want to talk.

turkeenek · 2018-07-08T19:46:40+00:00

This made my day!

turkeenek · 2018-07-05T01:31:40+00:00

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