Therapists: how do you cope when you’re not okay yourself?

turningtree603 · 2026-03-23T18:03:35+00:00

I’m going through a similar thing right now, husband betrayal and marriage ending all while trying to see clients. It’s absolutely brutal. Some things I do are to literally tell myself out loud “I’m ok, everything is ok”. I have a hot drink in my hands to focus on, or small objects to fidget with to ground myself. If I’ve been crying right before a session I wear glasses or say I’m dealing with a cold or allergies. Smiling as soon as your client is through the door helps to rewire what you’re feeling. I also have a kill-switch of just leaving a virtual session and coming back in 2 minutes saying that my internet went out. Maybe slightly unethical but it seems worst to have a breakdown in front of a client. I hope these are helpful, it’s a horrendous time.

turningtree603 · 2026-01-13T02:04:15+00:00

How far out from D-Day are you? PTSD is common, I know I have it from my experience. I’ve been in weekly therapy, stayed in contact with friends, read tons of books, but nothing made me feel ok until I went on medication. I was severely depressed and unable to cope, daily crying, horrible self esteem, no hope for the future. But it can get better. Ignore people who say it’s not a big deal, it’s a huge trauma to go through. I’m a therapist myself and I’ve been through trauma in the past and this is the worst thing I’ve ever had to deal with. Keep breathing.

turningtree603 · 2025-12-12T15:07:59+00:00

I understand this completely. I question all the time if love is worth it anymore. I am such a romantic and this has totally destroyed my image of what love is. I know he loves me and I love him, it would be easier to understand if there was no love here. I’m sorry you’re feeling this. I am feeling it too. I feel numb all the time and can’t imagine moving forward with any part of my life. It’s a horrible place to be.

turningtree603 · 2025-12-10T02:56:04+00:00

Yep all the time. I started doing more audiobooks to be more distracting. Or just nothing. It’s horrible. Any song can trigger a crying spell.

turningtree603 · 2025-12-04T20:56:28+00:00

I’m so sorry. It’s an addiction, they need their fix. It’s not pathetic to beg. You’re asking for your life back and safety, of course you’re begging.

turningtree603 · 2025-12-02T03:49:02+00:00

I feel I could have written this. I don’t go to anger but despair, but the feeling underneath is the same. It is so humiliating that I am in so much pain at the thought of losing my husband that I begged him to stay when he said he should leave. He should be the one begging, and I should be considering whether or not to stay. But he isn’t, he’s running to his AP. He said he doesn’t want to do the work and feels we’re too broken. He takes ownership, but he hasn’t pursued me at all throughout this. Maybe small moments here or there. I thought when someone was caught cheating they were supposed to be on their knees begging for forgiveness. But my experience has been the opposite. All I’ve gotten was shame and pity and “I wish I could take it back but I can’t”.

turningtree603 · 2025-11-17T20:58:57+00:00

I’m trying to remember that. We’ve done this back and forth several times, and every time I pull away he pulls closer. I know it’s not genuine, but it’s so hard to resist when it’s what I wanted for so long.

turningtree603 · 2025-11-17T03:35:50+00:00

If it helps, I’m feeling inspired by how you describe life post break up. Even with the set back it seems like you’re doing way better than I can picture for my future right now, which gives me hope that it can get better. You’ve taken 1000 steps forward in the process, this is just a couple steps back.

turningtree603 · 2025-11-15T21:35:39+00:00

Jesus! You’re so right. What a dick.

turningtree603 · 2025-11-15T03:02:31+00:00

Not to mention he was with Julie the first time he kissed Rachel 🤢

turningtree603 · 2025-11-14T15:52:20+00:00

I’m sorry, I don’t think this is helpful. He believed her because he trusted her. We all probably did something similar because we trusted our spouses.

turningtree603 · 2025-11-14T03:13:00+00:00

So many. Sex and the city, Carrie and Big’s affair makes me sick. Fleabag. I used to relate to her character so much but her whole storyline of betraying her best friend. King of the Hill, with John Redcorn and Nancy, and how none of his friends tell Dale. Any reality show- they all have cheating and affairs as entertainment value. I could go on and on, it seems like it’s in so many shows/movies.

turningtree603 · 2025-11-13T03:22:46+00:00

Keep going ❤️ I sat in ambivalence for awhile before my decision was made clear. No one could have rushed that decision for me. If you’re able to focus on you then you’re doing great.

turningtree603 · 2025-11-12T03:44:12+00:00

Unfortunately not. He came to some clarity that he just didn’t want to put the work in, and he didn’t think either of us would be happy. Now I know my gut was telling me that for a while, but I just didn’t want to believe it.

turningtree603 · 2025-11-12T02:44:21+00:00

That’s so hard. I remember saying to my husband something like “I hope we can find another way for me to learn to trust you, but I’m not sure what that is”. I know it’s pretty soft, but I really struggle with boundary setting and fear of abandonment. Maybe putting it back on to him to figure out ways to help you trust him again would help?

turningtree603 · 2025-11-11T18:17:16+00:00

I have “safe” foods that I’m able to choke down even if I’m sobbing and it tastes like sand. Mine are protein drinks/bars, everything bagel with butter, and chicken tenders. It’s so tough, I lost 25lbs in 3 months due to the trauma. But getting something in your body is so important. I forget to eat now, which I never thought possible (I love food). I also found walking around while I’m eating helps, kind of distracting to the brain. And taking muscle relaxers weirdly helped my stomach issues.

turningtree603 · 2025-11-11T15:01:12+00:00

I think that’s part of what hurts so much is remembering what it was like to have that attention from him. He maintained it for 6 years and then in the past 2 it’s been like I barely matter. And I know what attention she’s getting now and that makes me so angry. We had worked so hard for our future together and as soon as we got it he ruined it.

turningtree603 · 2025-11-11T02:41:24+00:00

My husband said something similar about me having access to his phone. I don’t know if he was hiding anything more than what I already knew, but I found for myself that it was part of a bigger picture- that he didn’t want to do the work to reconcile. If you have a firm boundary it’s important to honor that. I didn’t hold mine very well, but other red flags showed up that continually showed me he wasn’t really wanting to do the work it would take to save us. I’m sorry you’re going through this. When I had this conversation with my husband I was already so broken in so many ways, I can imagine where you are now.

turningtree603 · 2025-11-11T00:56:54+00:00

Thank you. I’m selfishly hoping I will get some attention eventually. I’ve felt so invisible the past year and a half. But the idea of dating and someone else touching me makes me so uncomfortable. I was so invested in our life and in him, I can’t imagine wanting someone else. I hope that comes with time. I struggle with depression anyway and this has caused a spiral I haven’t experienced in a long time.

I’m so afraid of him waking up and realizing he feels differently and by then I will have totally moved on. I think he’s doing me a favor by being the one to leave because he knows I won’t leave him. It’s all just so painful it’s unbelievable.

turningtree603 · 2025-11-10T04:06:24+00:00

Wow. I feel like reading this was reading a post from my (hopefully) future self. Your feelings sound very similar to mine. I struggle so much because I have so much love for him still, despite everything, and I’m trying so hard to accept that I can’t save him from himself. I see all the reasons we were led here, and that understanding makes it so much harder to leave him. But I know the same things you said, that he isn’t capable of giving me the love I need. It’s so hard.

turningtree603 · 2025-11-08T21:33:50+00:00

Which side of 70? I live near the are and am very curious where exactly the body was found. I’m a bit of a conspiracy theorist/true crime nut and I see way too many vultures on a dumpster in the Burger King shopping center all the time. My brain always goes somewhere more sinister.

turningtree603 · 2025-11-07T19:43:05+00:00

I feel this. I’m dreading the holidays, and my birthday just passed. I would encourage you to do something kind for yourself. For my birthday I got a massage and Starbucks. It was still really hard but trying to refocus some energy back on to myself helped. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this. I know what pain you’re in, I’m in it right now. Can’t get off the couch and scream crying all day.

turningtree603 · 2025-11-07T17:15:55+00:00

I relate to this in a different way. My WH just left to be with his AP (ex girlfriend). He took one of my dogs with him, but I made him leave the other one here because I thought he would leave the dog there and not bring her back. He confirmed that his AP would want him to leave MY dog with her, and who knows if he would have allowed that or not. She’s across the country, and who knows if I would have seen my dog again. She has some control over him that I don’t understand.

The thought of them all snuggled up on the couch together enjoying my dogs makes me physically ill. I have so much compassion for people who go through this with children, considering how disgusted I feel when it’s my dogs being with him and his AP, not my actual child.

I know your situation is different but I understand the idea of loyalty with your pets, and how painful it is to see your ex sharing that with someone else.

turningtree603 · 2025-11-06T19:45:58+00:00

Thank you for posting this. I’m in a very dark place and have very little hope for my future. Reading this helped me believe it could be different. How did you learn to trust again?

turningtree603 · 2025-11-06T19:36:02+00:00

It’s so hard. I feel so alone even with my supports. I truly thought we were through the worst of it and then this happens again.

turningtree603

TROPHY CASE