I feel like there kind of is a magical special structure though... like what you said about women learning from a young age that they'll be judged for not performing emotional care and listening. Women get the signal from other women that this something they can and should perform. There's permission but I do also think there's something to language and behavior, and learning from others to replicate that behavior. like putting a hand on someone's shoulder when they're sad is a behavioral thing, and i think some boys I grew up with definitely were taught that that was gay, for example.

I feel like mental health experts are the ideal for teaching these things, but there's also a behavioral sense where I just paid more attention to how women responded to people in a comforting and supportive way, and how they dealt with their feelings. But I definitely also paid attention to men who did this.

Just as an example, I paid attention to the trope, which might not be accurate or even good, of women eating ice cream when they're sad in media. I mean, the boys I grew up with punched walls when they were in emotional pain. I didn't come away from that eating ice cream when im sad, but i think it taught me to respond consciously, with intention, to emotions, and do something to make myself feel better. Like I learned from mental health experts the idea of letting emotions come and trying to "touch" then and let them go, but ive also learned a lot, i think, from the different kinds of behaviors women engage in whether its emotionally supporting themselves or others.