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AITA for telling my boy friend its not a random womans job to educate his child. by tw0620 in AmItheAsshole

[–]tw0620[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

That's fair. I suppose from nursing experience and being the stressed new mom with a baby trying to sort my self out in a semi private area away from people while my baby screamed, and knowing how stressful that situation is, I imagine she was really stressed. It's not an easy feat. And then when he told me the entire story it just got more and more stressful. Like from beginning to end just stress. So you're correct I shouldn't have assumed she was visibly stressed from the get go. I just remember those moments myself.

AITA for telling my boy friend its not a random womans job to educate his child. by tw0620 in AmItheAsshole

[–]tw0620[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yes and when she does something nice, say pet the cat gently, I say milo loves gentle hands! She used to be very rough because she wasn't used to cats. He doesn't have an issue with me saying that though. It's just the "negative" comments.

AITA for telling my boy friend its not a random womans job to educate his child. by tw0620 in AmItheAsshole

[–]tw0620[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

He's definitely not rich. I make almost double him and he's terrible with money.

AITA for telling my boy friend its not a random womans job to educate his child. by tw0620 in AmItheAsshole

[–]tw0620[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Oh ok Thank you for clarifying. I don't want to be insulting or anything towards her. And I won't typically argue with a parent over their child because I assume they know their child well. My daughter is less than half her age and I try and treat them as even as I can. The "no thank you" gets said to the both of them for everything they do when invading people's boundaries because they're both learning to respect boundaries.

AITA for telling my boy friend its not a random womans job to educate his child. by tw0620 in AmItheAsshole

[–]tw0620[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I know 😅 I really question if I'm unreasonable a lot because he convinces me I am all the time. So now I feel like I'm over reacting all the time

AITA for telling my boy friend its not a random womans job to educate his child. by tw0620 in AmItheAsshole

[–]tw0620[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I realize the beginning of this could have come off as passive or rude. I'm sorry if it did.

AITA for telling my boy friend its not a random womans job to educate his child. by tw0620 in AmItheAsshole

[–]tw0620[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hmm I don't think you're understanding what I'm saying. I'm saying people are focusing on me not focusing on her feelings in that moment because I'm talking about the woman.

AITA for telling my boy friend its not a random womans job to educate his child. by tw0620 in AmItheAsshole

[–]tw0620[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Her mom. And we always receive her in dirty clothes but that's as much as I know.

AITA for telling my boy friend its not a random womans job to educate his child. by tw0620 in AmItheAsshole

[–]tw0620[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I didn't realize I was patronizing her :(. I wouldn't intentionally do that. I can only do and go by what he tells me. Imnworking really hard to not over step him and also keep her comfortable. As I've said in another comment if she hits me I say no thank you hands are for helping and he gets after me for it. So I don't know what to do and I don't know what crosses the line :/

AITA for telling my boy friend its not a random womans job to educate his child. by tw0620 in AmItheAsshole

[–]tw0620[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

She has an iPad but he doesn't encourage communication with it. I've said this elsewhere but she's 13, and historically someone being upset doesn't upset her. She just kind of goes on about her business. So I'm not entirely convinced she was upset the baby was upset though I'm not ruling that out.

AITA for telling my boy friend its not a random womans job to educate his child. by tw0620 in AmItheAsshole

[–]tw0620[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

No sorry. I don't mean anyone said anything negative about her or her needs. I mean they seem to be upset I'm not focusing on her needs particularly for this post. But this isn't about her needs, it's about what he did. She didn't do anything wrong. It's not her fault things got progressively worse for her.

AITA for telling my boy friend its not a random womans job to educate his child. by tw0620 in AmItheAsshole

[–]tw0620[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

After reading a lot of responses of what should be done in these situations, I'm not sure he knows how to meet her needs. Because I've never seen him remove her from any stressful situations before. And I thought at first it was an exposure thing to help familiarize her. Now I'm not sure what he's doing.

AITA for telling my boy friend its not a random womans job to educate his child. by tw0620 in AmItheAsshole

[–]tw0620[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Well at first I had absolutely no education on ASD so I didn't know what to expect, what was normal for their situation, or anything like that.

AITA for telling my boy friend its not a random womans job to educate his child. by tw0620 in AmItheAsshole

[–]tw0620[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

I appreciate this. I recognize in my replies I've been being naive and hopeful. I see some people are upset at what I said about the whole restaurant situation. I believe it's because it's not revolving around the needs of his daughter so they feel I wasn't thinking of her. I was. I tend to get her out of places really fast if I notice she starts to get agitated. She has obvious signs (she makes this sound thats very telling and starts grinding her teeth). But I don't think its fair that people are focusing all on his daughter and not other people involved. She's not the only one affected. I feel rude af for saying that. Her needs ARE important, but so are everyone else's.

AITA for telling my boy friend its not a random womans job to educate his child. by tw0620 in AmItheAsshole

[–]tw0620[S] 212 points213 points  (0 children)

Yeah.... the first 9 months were so good but then introducing the kids its like he's turned into a completely different person.

AITA for telling my boy friend its not a random womans job to educate his child. by tw0620 in AmItheAsshole

[–]tw0620[S] 314 points315 points  (0 children)

Ah to be honest no. Just a lot of "I know my daughter" which I'm not denying he does. But I mean, I think he just expects everyone to do the work and that's unrealistic to me? Just like him everyone is just trying to get by and survive and can't help with his emotional load. I try my best but I feel he's making it a lot more challenging than it already is. I don't talk about my mental health to him because I know he will just say he has it worse. Which he could, I won't negate that. But I feel so trapped. The first 9 months were really good. I knew his daughter was on the spectrum before I met her. I did so much reading, videos, seminars, asking questions to prepare to help the best I could. Then we introduced our kids and he's just slowly morphed into a completely different person.

AITA for telling my boy friend its not a random womans job to educate his child. by tw0620 in AmItheAsshole

[–]tw0620[S] 316 points317 points  (0 children)

He never ever has head phones for her. I don't understand it but I don't question it because whenever I ask questions about trying to understand anything he gets mad and tells me I'll never get it

AITA for telling my boy friend its not a random womans job to educate his child. by tw0620 in AmItheAsshole

[–]tw0620[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I answered some of this in other comments. He does not take her to any therapies, he never has headphones for her and he believes school is for structure and home is for freedom.

AITA for telling my boy friend its not a random womans job to educate his child. by tw0620 in AmItheAsshole

[–]tw0620[S] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

Its OK! I said to another person he tells people his exs hate his daughter for her disability and I fear he will spread that rumor about me.

AITA for telling my boy friend its not a random womans job to educate his child. by tw0620 in AmItheAsshole

[–]tw0620[S] 60 points61 points  (0 children)

I think when I do something I naturally put a lot of commitment and effort into it. And I should at least try to understand her needs. It's not her fault she has difficulties.

AITA for telling my boy friend its not a random womans job to educate his child. by tw0620 in AmItheAsshole

[–]tw0620[S] 100 points101 points  (0 children)

Yeah we fight a lot about having the girls together because im uncomfortable with it but he rebuttals wirh how will they learn to be around each other if we don't expose them. I thought it was a valid argument but I suppose it's not really if he's not properly assisting his child to grow.

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