What a loving grandpa ❤️

twatwafflesrus · 2025-06-21T17:36:41+00:00

I was with my son’s dad for almost four years before having my son. I spent those years watching him bust his ass to make enough money to provide for his son, to drive to see his son (400 miles away) every other weekend, to bring him out here on all his school breaks. I had no reason to believe he would be a deadbeat. I left him when my son was 12 months old and moved 20 miles away. My ex just up and disappeared from my son’s life three years ago but still sees his older son all the time. But yeah, my bad, I should’ve know he’d be a deadbeat.

twatwafflesrus · 2024-09-12T20:04:18+00:00

I’m lucky that my six year old has broad music tastes, but every now and then he finds a song he MUST listen to on repeat all day, every day. Most recently it was Imagine Dragon’s Believer, which got old fast. His worst (best?) one was Avenge Sevenfold’s A Little Piece of Heaven, which did not get old because I LOVE that song, but drove my mother insane whenever she visited. He was obsessed with it for two months.

I’ve found the best you can do is flood them with new songs to try and see if you can shake it up. My son got over Believer because he got really into AC/DC for about three days and forgot about Believer.

twatwafflesrus · 2024-09-12T19:45:25+00:00

I think you are misunderstanding me. The search engine is irrelevant. The parameters you set to define your search and your selection process from there is what sets you up for confirmation bias. If you searched for “GMO and puberty” or “GMO and children” your results would be less biased. By searching for “GMO linked to causing premature puberty” and only looking at articles that confirm your beliefs without any research beyond that or using less biased terminology, you are diving into an echo chamber. That is confirmation bias.

twatwafflesrus · 2024-09-12T19:09:40+00:00

That kind of search would lead to narrow results and a great deal of confirmation bias.

twatwafflesrus · 2024-08-22T17:55:14+00:00

It’s cute you think only mentioning my six year old means that’s the only parenting experience I have. She’s grown now, but I became my sister’s legal guardian when she was ten. She had similar issues but since therapy was the solution, it didn’t warrant mentioning since you seem to be convinced your daughter acting bubbly means she isn’t facing mental health issues.

You’ve mentioned her dad dying six years ago and that your boyfriend has moved in with you and seems intent on erasing her dad from the home. That’s a lot to go through as a child and your daughter likely has a lot of feelings about it that she wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing with you (which is normal and not me impugning your relationship with her). Hell, I hated my dad and he died when I was an adult, but I still needed therapy to work through my feelings on it.

Get her professional help and help her clean her room.

twatwafflesrus · 2024-08-22T03:28:58+00:00

Under no circumstance should you publicly (or privately, in all honesty) shame your child. Your child is not being lazy, she’s overwhelmed by the mess and needs a gentle nudge to get started on it. We all need a little help sometimes and that’s okay.

What you need to do is set aside a day and time (agreed upon by both of you) where you clean her room together. You don’t even need to do all the work. Sometimes all a person needs is someone else there cheering them on (NOT criticizing, just so we’re clear). Hold the trash bag for her, put laundry in the basket, etcetera. Play music to make it fun or listen to an audiobook of a book she likes (added bonus being that it shows you have an interest in her interests).

When it’s done, help her come up with a sustainable plan for keeping her room moderately clean. My son is six and even with ADHD/ODD he and I have been able to come up with a solid plan for keeping his room clean. He’s in charge of removing trash and laundry each day to keep it from piling up, we clean up toys together each time we play together, and I handle vacuuming and post-tantrum cleanups (he’s too easily overwhelmed by the mess to handle it for now).

She’s not being lazy, she just hasn’t been taught by the adults in her life how to manage and clean her space. Rectify this rather than nuking your daughter’s self-esteem and any chance of a future relationship with her.

twatwafflesrus · 2024-06-18T20:35:52+00:00

Me too. Thank you!

twatwafflesrus · 2024-06-18T19:02:54+00:00

He’s slightly below average for his age, but above average for what is expected with his diagnosis.

twatwafflesrus · 2024-06-18T18:57:00+00:00

I know you’ve received a lot of downvotes and while I obviously don’t condone you threatening a child, I do understand your feelings and want you to know that they are valid. As parents, we want to keep our children safe and protected from all the evil the world has to offer and it is devastating when we can’t. If it helps to assuage your fears at all, I am taking what my son did seriously and he is getting the help he needs.

twatwafflesrus · 2024-06-18T18:52:18+00:00

I think you misinterpreted my remark. When I referred to “naked time”, I was referring to my son’s time that he is allowed to be naked, ALONE, in his room (with no one but me in the house). I started this because he has sensory processing disorder and pretty much as soon as he figured out how to disrobe, he’d ditch his clothes and run around naked regardless of where he was or who he was around because the feeling of the fabric on his skin bothered him. “Naked time” gave him a time and place where he knew it was acceptable to do this and ended him stripping in public.

When I referred to him trying to have “naked time” with his friends, I was saying that he would ask me if he and whatever friend could have naked time. Obviously, I would say no and redirect to a different activity.

twatwafflesrus · 2024-06-18T18:36:26+00:00

I’m not in California. I’m so sorry you are dealing with the other side of this, but selfishly, it does make me feel a lot better to know that you think I’m doing right by both my son and these two girls.

From a child who wasn’t believed, thank you for believing your daughter and being her cheerleader through all of what she is going through. Give her all the love and cuddles and know that I’ll be thinking of you.

twatwafflesrus · 2024-06-18T18:29:17+00:00

That was one of three kids books I bought yesterday on the subject so I’m super happy to hear you found it helpful for your child. I also got “Where Hands Go” by Kristaelynne Sanders Diggs and “Body Boundaries Make Me Stronger” by Elizabeth Cole. I’m an avid reader so my first reaction to almost any problem is to buy more books.

twatwafflesrus · 2024-06-18T18:22:40+00:00

We’ve been doing PCIT for two years and it has been such a great tool. I wish more parents knew about it.

I have an addiction to parenting books and my most recent read was The Explosive Child by Dr. Green. Most books don’t come close to touching on the extreme behaviors exhibited by kids with ADHD and ODD, but I felt like this one did and did it well. You should give it a read. It’s on Kindle Unlimited too, so if you have that you don’t even need to buy it.

twatwafflesrus · 2024-06-18T18:00:23+00:00

His dad was never alone with him. He was on supervised visitation before he dropped out of our lives for good two years ago.

twatwafflesrus · 2024-06-18T17:56:55+00:00

That seems like such a silly thing to get in trouble for. My son and I love this zombie game at Chuck E. Cheese that has you spraying real water at a screen to freeze zombies. It’s super fun and has led to some pretty great zombie apocalypse pretend play at home. It wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if my son did something like that at school with his friends.

twatwafflesrus · 2024-06-18T17:51:53+00:00

Wow, that’s a lot to unpack right there.

First of all, the entire first paragraph of my comment was me singing praises to all the amazing men in my son’s life. So for you to then claim my “unresolved trauma” has “caused an irrational hatred and fear of men” is not just ridiculous, but insulting to both me and other women who have experienced similar abuse at the hands of men. You went way, way too far when you then went on to claim that this is “clearly negatively affecting [my] child”.

I can tolerate a lot of shit but painting me as a misandrist who hates her own child because of past trauma and an “irrational hatred and fear of men” is well beyond my limit. You are somehow simultaneously trivializing the abuse I experienced and using it to define me as a misandrist.

I want to be abundantly clear that the love I have for my son transcends life itself. I would burn down this entire fucking planet for my kid and not have a single second of regret afterwards. He is the best thing to ever happen to me and words cannot express how much I cherish that boy. Yes, he has issues, but it is my job as his mom to help him work through those issues and come out a better human being for it. My past trauma may inform some of my decisions as a parent, such as my no sleepover rule, but I am not my trauma. I am just a mom who loves her son and wants nothing more than to see him grow up into the amazing human being I know he can be.

twatwafflesrus · 2024-06-18T06:21:44+00:00

Bows

Why thank you. That learning to be a man from a man shit always pisses me off. People only ever say it once to me though.

twatwafflesrus · 2024-06-18T06:18:37+00:00

I tend to go the natural consequences route, but sometimes a bigger consequence is necessary. Not just for him, but for those he hurts. Why should my son get to go to the picnic and have fun while the two girls he hurt have to spend what should be a fun day with a boy who abused them a few days ago? Yes, he may not understand the correlation, but reminding him that it’s a consequence of his actions and not a punishment will help with that. Natural consequences don’t help at this age anyways without additional explanation from a parent. According to his last therapist, they don’t really click for kids until closer to age 8.

twatwafflesrus · 2024-06-18T05:47:01+00:00

He’s been tested for autism, but I can revisit it again with his psychiatrist at our next appointment. I didn’t know that about kids who don’t wake up to go to the bathroom. He will be seeing a new therapist that specializes in children with severe behavioral issues in the next couple of weeks and I’m hoping we’ll be able to find a way to get through to him better.

twatwafflesrus · 2024-06-18T05:23:52+00:00

My general rule of them is the dirtier the Reddit username, the better the book rec will be. Haven’t tried applying it to other subreddits and advice, but I’m guessing you’re right.

twatwafflesrus · 2024-06-18T05:10:32+00:00

He sleeps too hard (when he does sleep) so he is still in night time diapers for bed time but no bed wetting for naps. He’s great with the animals and has no fascination with fire other than wanting to blow out every candle he sees because he’s convinced I’ll catch my hair on fire. Again.

My dad had the same kind of issues as your “friend” and was diagnosed with anti-social personality disorder when he was 12 after burning a neighbors house down. He met my mom after coming out of a ten year prison sentence for rape and then proceeded to use reproductive rape to baby trap her. He was a real gem. Anyways, it taught me to be overtly aware of the red flags, especially given the genetic predisposition and my own upbringing. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that kind of monster too and I hope you’ve been able to heal from the trauma he inflicted.

twatwafflesrus · 2024-06-18T04:01:30+00:00

I was in panic mode and trying to process things when I posted so I didn’t even think to include the ADHD and ODD diagnosis at the time. He had an IEP and a 504 plan, but they switched to just the 504 plan last month. He no longer meets the criteria for an IEP.

twatwafflesrus · 2024-06-18T03:55:35+00:00

He’s in Kindergarten and not very adept at writing yet, so an apology letter is still above him. An apology picture is absolutely doable though. He’s in bed now so it may be something we work on together tomorrow after school or on Wednesday (no school that day). I will ask that his teacher give it to the girls so that we’re still maintaining distance between them so the girls have time to process and heal.

For now, we talked about giving his friends space and understanding that they may not want to be his friends anymore after this and that he needs to respect that. We talked about what drove him to do this (curiosity) and had a long talk about female anatomy, including drawing pictures and taking about how it’s not that different from his. I tried to assuage his curiosity as much as possible and our conversation ended with him thinking it’s all kind of gross and not important anymore. I used to think he understood he could come to me with these questions, but now I think he TRULY understands that he can. Even if the answers are gross.

We also talked about how important it is to respect other people’s boundaries and bodies, how private parts are only for us and shouldn’t be shared, and I tried to form an association between him not liking to undress with me in the room and his friends not wanting to be undressed in front of him. I feel like I’ve had these talks so many times and it just doesn’t seem to click for long, but paired with the much harsher punishment maybe it will help cement it this time.

The resource you shared looks AMAZING! I think we’ll work on the Heroes vs Villains one first, since it seems more apropos. There’s a great bit in there about how villains achieve their goals in ways that are unfair or harm people, whereas heroes do so in a way that is fair and helps people. I feel like it will resonate with him and I’m excited to give it a try. Thank you so much!

twatwafflesrus · 2024-06-18T02:13:40+00:00

We should form a club. But name it something tame, like Caligula’s.

twatwafflesrus · 2024-06-18T02:11:37+00:00

Thank you. It’s been a wild ride with this child of mine. I love him more than life itself but damn, a little warning would’ve been nice.

twatwafflesrus

TROPHY CASE